Seinfeld

Loyalty to any one sports team is pretty hard to justify.

Because the players are always changing,

the team can move to another city.

You're actually rooting for the clothes

when you get right down to it.

I mean, you are standing and cheering and yelling

for your clothes to beat the clothes from another city.

Fans will be so in love with a player,

but if he goes to another team, they boo him.

This is the same human being in a different shirt.

They hate him now.

"Boo!

Different shirt.

Boo."

Sure you don't want the tickets? No thanks.

I can't believe I'm having trouble

getting rid of Super Bowl tickets.

I'm telling you, skip the Drakes' wedding. Go to the game.

I can't. The Drake put me in the wedding party.

Well, who schedules his wedding on Super Bowl Sunday?

Maybe he didn't know. Let me see.

I can't believe you got these for free. What--? Row F?

Row F. In front of the Gs.

Hobnobbing with the Ds and Es.

What about Kramer or Elaine? They don't want them?

I asked. Elaine laughed at me.

Kramer's only interested in Canadian football.

Well, wish I could help you.

Come on. Take 'em.

You could take Bonnie.

You payin' my hotel and airfare to Miami?

What do you think?

So in order to use these, I gotta spend, like, 1500 bucks.

This is a bill for $1500.

Plus, she'd ask about the sleeping arrangements.

I find those sleeping-arrangement

conversations depressing.

Yeah. Sleeping arrangements.

So you haven't, uh...? Oh, no, no, no.

I haven't even seen her apartment yet.

Tomorrow is the first night. Aha.

Hey, hey, hey. Is that Tim Whatley?

The dentist?

Yeah. Is he still mad at you

for crashing his Thanksgiving party?

Oh, no. I explained the whole thing to him.

Oh, good. Yeah. I blamed it on you.

Hi, Tim. Hey, Jerry.

George. What are you up to?

Oh, just a couple gals out on the town, shoppin' and gabbin'.

I'm gettin' a makeover.

How'd you like to go to the Super Bowl?

What? Are you kidding? Here. Two tickets.

Have a good time.

How can I thank you? I tell you what,

I'll take you to dinner sometime. Ever been to Mendy's?

No. No, no. No, no. No dinner.

Tim, you didn't

have to get me a thank-you gift.

I know. It's a label maker.

The Label Baby Junior.

Yeah, I hear they're good.

Well, label me thankful.

Okay. Well, you enjoy those tickets.

Bye-bye.

Yeah? Gah!

Come in.

Hey, where can I put this?

What is it? It's Risk, Jerry,

the game of world conquest.

All right, that's perfect.

Kramer, why do you have to--?

Hello, Newman. Hello, Jerry.

Will he take it? I gotta go to work?

Take what?

The board, Jerry. We've been playing

at Newman's for six hours, but he's gotta go.

So why don't you leave it at Newman's?

I wanted to. He won't let me.

We have to put the board in a neutral place

where no one will tamper with it.

So that's here?

Yes, yes. You're like Switzerland.

I don't wanna be Switzerland.

Jerry, Newman and I are engaged in an epic struggle

for world domination.

It's winner take all.

People cannot be trusted.

Don't look at me.

Oh, I'm lookin' right at you, big daddy.

All right, soldier boys. Let's fall out.

So you're gonna look after it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stay strong, buddy.

Yeah, yeah. Watch it good.

Hey, hi. Hey. Hey!

Hey.

Oh, is that a label maker?

Yes, it is. I got it as a gift.

It's a Label Baby Junior.

Mmm...

Love the Label Baby, baby.

You know those things make great gifts.

I just got one of those for Tim Whatley for Christmas.

Tim Whatley?

Yeah. Who sent you that one?

One Tim Whatley.

No. My Tim Whatley?

The same. He sent it as a thank you

for my Super Bowl tickets.

I think this is the same one I gave him.

He recycled this gift.

He's a re-gifter.

Or...maybe he liked your gift so much

he decided to get me the same thing.

Perhaps it's an homage.

Yeah, perhaps.

How did he react when you gave it to him?

Um, he said, "Oh, a label maker.

How about that?"

He repeated the name of the gift?

Yeah. So?

If you repeat the name of the gift,

you can't possibly like it. What do you mean?

Like when someone opens something up

and they go, "Oh, tube socks."

What are you gonna do about it?

I don't know. I guess I'll just get invited up

to his apartment and...

see if he's got a label maker.

Why'd you get him a gift anyway?

He did some dental work for me and didn't charge me,

so I thought I'd get him a Christmas present.

If you're getting him anything for his birthday, I'm a large.

Well, here we are.

This is the place.

Wow!

You like it?

I love it. This is fantastic.

Look at this couch.

Is this velvet?

Are you a velvet fan?

A fan?

I would drape myself in velvet if it was socially acceptable.

Look at this, hardwood floors.

Aren't they great?

Oh, Scott, hi.

This is George.

George this is Scott, my roommate.

Hey.

Here. Check out this view.

If you lean out this window, you can see the river.

So Scott's your roommate, huh?

Yes.

Well, I'm sure I've mentioned him.

No, I don't think you mentioned him.

He's a great guy.

You'll really like him.

I'm sure I will.

Male roommate?

Yes, a male roommate.

And this is a problem?

It's a huge problem, Jerry.

The hardest part about having sex with a woman

is getting her to come back to your place.

He's already got that.

Well, maybe he's--

No, believe me, he's not.

So he's an eligible receiver.

She's confiding in him about our dates.

You always like the person you talk to about the date

more than the date.

It's just a matter of time until they realize,

"Hey! We could have sex."

What's stopping 'em? Exactly.

You know how they get animals to reproduce in captivity?

They just put 'em in the same cage.

What does he look like?

Oh, that's the worst part of it.

He looks just like me.

He looks like you, and he's workin' from the inside?

I look like me, and I'm workin' from the outside.

Who do you think's in the better position?

Not you.

This bizarre Harrad Experiment must end!

We'll take a check, please.

I gotta find a way to work this out. I love that apartment.

It's so cozy. I'm ensconced in velvet.

If it was socially acceptable--

I know, you would drape yourself in velvet.

I've said that before?

Many times. You love velvet.

You wanna live in velvet.

Everything with the velvet.

Hey. Hey. Hey.

Guess what.

I saw Newman talkin' to the super.

So what?

The super has keys to your apartment.

Don't you see what's goin' on?

Newman is plannin' a sneak-attack.