Lano & Woodley in Lano and Woodley

Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for Lano and Woodley

in Lano & Woodley!

Would you please welcome the two guys that are in Lano & Woodley,

Lano and Woodley!

Ladies and gentlemen, how are we? Ladies and gentlemen...

Sorry. Sorry, no...

Do you wanna start? No, no, you go.

Yeah, OK. Do you want to? Don't even know if...

Just excited. Yeah, bit excited.

Saturday night. Saturday night in Melbourne.

So, you go. Yeah, OK. Maybe...

We're filming tonight.

You wanna go first? I could.

Do something a bit different... Oh...

No, I think you should... Maybe I'll go.

The way we... Yeah, OK. Maybe you want a go?

You don't want... You don't...

Do you want to go? What do you want?

Maybe I should. Yeah, you should.

Maybe you should. You're the leader.

We gotta do something. Let's say you're the leader.

We can't do this for 45 minutes.

Go, go, go. They thought that was funny.

Go, go. OK, well...

Go, go. No, I think you should actually...

Really? You think I... You know what I'm feeling?

Let's try something a bit different.

Just for something crazy. What, what?

Tonight, why don't I...

Why don't I do it? What about... What about you?

What about you? You know what I'm thinking?

What about you?

You know what I'm thinking, Col? I'm thinking...

You. Me.

You. Me.

You. Me.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome. Or you.

It's good to be here. It's great to be anywhere!

Appreciate it.

Ladies and gentlemen, we'd like to welcome all and sundry.

Oh, that's exciting. Whereabouts is she?

That's... What?

Didn't you say we want to welcome Sandra Sully, who's come to the...

What are you talking about?

What are YOU talking about? What are YOU talking about?

You just said we wanna welcome Sandra Sully, so...

I did not welcome Sandra Sully.

Well, why isn't Sandra Sully welcome?

She's a stalwart of Australian television.

Of course she's welcome.

What have you got against Sandra Sully?

I've got nothing against Sandra Sully, OK?

When I said I did not welcome Sandra Sully,

it meant I didn't specifically welcome Sandra Sully.

Of course she's welcome.

You sounded pretty adamant to me.

You were like, "I did not welcome Sandra Sully!

"I would never welcome that... that Sandra Sully!"

That's the vibe I picked up. Maybe I'm overthinking it.

Carry on. I don't really know what I'm talking about.

I've seen this show every time it's been performed

and I still don't know what it's about.

Listen very carefully to what I'm about to say. Right? Lis...Lis...

I said, "I'd like to welcome all and sundry..."

Oh, all and sundry.

"..to tonight's performance," because...

That makes more sense. Yes, it does.

Yeah. Although that's a pretty weird thing to say, isn't it?

All and sundry. All. ALL.

ALL.

And sundry.

Who's...who's the sundry?

Who feels so special they don't consider themselves included in 'all'?

Maybe I'm a traditionalist, Colin,

but I would've thought that 'all' included ALL.

We do want to welcome all.

Sundry, you can get out.

Not to be mistaken with Sandra Sully. It's great to have you here.

She's not here! Yeah, and whose fault is that?

Look, it...

Do you reckon the whole show's gonna be as good as this?

I certainly hope not.

Right. OK, let's move on, alright? OK.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, uh...before we move on with the show,

I'd just like to make a public announcement because...

Oh, yes. ..I don't know whether you realise,

but there has been a pandemic for the last 18 months or so.

Bit of a pandemic. And a feature of the pandemic

has been the litany of press conferences,

and a feature of those press conferences has been the efficiency

and great work from the Deaf interpreters

disseminating information to the community at large.

Round of applause for the Deaf interpreters.

What a great job they do.

They do an awesome job.

Yes. Great stuff.

Although, ironically...

..ironically, they wouldn't be able to hear that, would they?

Oh, no - yes, they would. Of course they would.

What...? Why would you say...?

No, they would. Of course they would.

They're Deaf interpreters - they're not Deaf interpreters.

How...? 'Cause that wouldn't... How would that work?

They couldn't be DEAF interpreters.

'Cause then, every time the person said something, they'd be like...

Huh?

You know? So...

No, I can make that joke, it's acceptable,

because I myself am Deaf, so...

You're not Deaf.

Huh?

I'm tone-deaf, in terms of what's politically correct to say.

Does that count? Maybe... Is that enough?

I'm not sure who I'm more disappointed in -

him doing that joke or you for laughing so much.

Or you for writing that joke.

So, ladies and gentlemen, we would like to apologise...

Yes. Would we? Why? We would like to apologise to the Deaf interpreters.

Because, about 10 years ago,

we did a sketch about Deaf interpreters

and in the interim, I've realised

that that was a little bit politically incorrect...

Yes. ..and inappropriate.

Very insensitive. So I've written a public apology that I'd like to read out now...

Yeah. 'Cause... ..to all the Deaf interpreters of the universe.

'Cause it was a different time back then. Different time.

You know, you felt like you could...

Maybe we were a little insensitive, and we certainly... That's right.

Because it's very hard. Things were different.

You know, I find it very difficult to know

what is the right and wrong thing to do.

Like, for example, these days, am I allowed to go...

No, you're... No... No!

No! I'm not?

No! OK, good. It's good to know.

It's good to know. No! You never have been.

I never have been?! You never have been allowed to!

That can't be right.

You've never been allowed to. Are you sure?

And you're not... I never have been?

No. And you're not allowed to go like that, and then like that.

I did get... I got significant purchase tonight.

I got a...got a little overexcited and I got a topographical insight.

He wrote that joke, and he makes me do it - the whole thing.

Shut up.

I say, "I don't wanna do that one, Col!"

So...

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a public apology... Yes, it is.

..to the Deaf interpreters... Oh, yes.

..of Australia, and... and the world, basically. Yes.

And while Col's making this, uh, apology on our behalf,

I will be Deaf interpreting.

No, come on, guys - now's not the time for that sort of...

Now it's a more, mm, sort of...

Here we go. Good luck, everyone.

I...

..have come...

Come on, guys.

..to...

..see...

..the comedy...

..material...

..we...

..performed...

..10...

..years...

That's the sun, by the way.

If you have to say what it is, it's not different... Anyway.

..the comedy material we performed 10 years back...

..in...

..which...

..Frank...

..acted...

..like...

..a Deaf interpreter...

..was politically...

..incorrect...

..and showed...

..showed...

..high...

..insensitivity.

I...

..would...

..no...

..longer...

..write...

..a comedy...

..sketch...

..of that sort.

Frank...

..on...

..the other hand...

..might...

..seem...

..innocent...

..but...

..I...

..swear...

..he's a massive prick.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!