Solar Opposites

‐ I'm doing this for the good of the wall.

‐ For the Wall! The Wall!

‐ The Duke is dead.

‐ What? We don't know that he's dead.

‐ I'm not in charge of the Wall. I just live in it.

‐ Why?

‐ Nobody needs to know there's a way out.

I mean, what are they gonna do?

Run out there and get eaten by an owl?

No. It's safer and better to build a new world here.

‐ I... I believed. I believed in you.

‐ And I believe in the Wall.

Thank you for helping me reach my destiny.

‐ Thank God I always keep a Cherry Blast Gusher on me.

Mm.

Fuck! My tiny leg is broken!

Fuck you, Tim. I'm not dying out here.

I am not dying out here.

I am... not dying out here.

Gotta get up in a tree.

Just like in Jurassic Park, you're always safe in a tree.

You're safe in a tree.

Safe in a tree.

Ugh, I wish I hadn't thrown out that Gusher.

Ah!

Mmm! Mmm!

Mmm. Mmm.

You're not dead? ‐ What the fuck?

‐ Ah!

This is for everyone you hurt.

Aah!

‐ Aah!

Who knew a truck‐sized possum would be such a little bitch?

‐ That was just a baby. ‐ Then where's its mother?

‐ What the hell?

Shit, barricade that door!

Hurry!

What is this place?

‐ Kid's toy. A spaceship. ‐ What?

‐ Specifically, the Predator spaceship playset

from the 2007 movie Requiem.

That's the Predalien.

The alien‐slash‐Predator hybrid.

That's how I know this set is from Requiem

and not the original AvP.

The Predalien was only in the sequel.

‐ Don't you dare mansplain the Predalien to me.

It appears in the final moments of the first film,

so it's technically in both movies, you dumb bitch.

‐ Okay, you know your AvP.

you followed me out of the Wall to kill me

to finish what your old pal Tim started.

Ugh. Tim.

‐ Wrong again. ‐ What? Then why did you‐‐

‐ I don't want to talk about it.

What's all that?

‐ Some stuff I put together in case I ever had to escape the Wall.

Everybody was always like, "You won't need the bag."

"Why would you ever need the bag?"

Yeah, well, looks like I was right again, as usual.

‐ Firecracker? ‐ Oh yeah.

‐ We could throw it at the possum. ‐ It would probably just piss it off.

‐ What's this? ‐ Purell.

You gotta put something on that leg if you don't want to get an infection.

‐ Thanks. ‐ Hey, I still hate you,

but I need you alive and alert

if you're gonna help me secure this place.

‐ Here.

‐ Thanks. ‐ Just to be clear,

once we're out of here, I'm still going to stab you in the eye.

‐ You know, I did what I had to do for the good of my people.

‐ They weren't your people!

‐ You're a stupid terrorist who destroyed our society's only chance

at peace and stability.

You should feel free to go fuck yourself.

‐ You wish. ‐ Like I would waste a wish on that?

Yeah, right. You wish.

‐ Wow, you really got me.

‐ It's getting late. I'll take first watch.

‐ No way I'm sleeping with you sitting there.

I'll take first watch.

‐ Fine. But don't you dare touch my penis while I'm asleep.

‐ What? I would never touch your disgusting penis!

‐ Good. No one has ever touched it

and that sure as hell isn't changing tonight!

Wai‐‐

‐ Relax. Your twig's over there.

I cleaned off the blood and sharpened it for you.

‐ Thank you.

‐ De nada. Breakfast?

I'm cooking mushrooms. I found them in the corner.

‐ No, I'm out of here. ‐ That's not an option.

If either of us step outside, old lady possum will kill us.

‐ There's nothing there. ‐ Trust me, Jeff's watching.

Also, I've decided to call her "Jeff."

I know it's a girl, but I had a roommate once

who had a face just like a possum and his name was Jeff.

‐ Why is she waiting for us?

There are trash cans up and down the street that have easier food.

‐ I think we have a Jaws 2 situation on our hands,

the one where the momma shark gets revenge on them for killing her kid.

‐ Her brain's the size of a peanut, how long could she hold a grudge?

‐ Hours, days, months?

‐ Months? ‐ It's also possible

that you and I are already dead and this is Hell.

In that case, we'll be here for all eternity.

‐ You're full of shit. I'll take my chances outside.

Oh!

‐ So, how about that breakfast?

I imagine you're pretty eager to get back

to your terrorist pals in the Wall.

Oh, they're probably planning some big extremist party

to celebrate all their successful terrorizing.

That's fucked up. ‐ I'm never going back to the Wall.

‐ Because this is so great?

‐ I told you, I don't want to talk about it.

‐ I can respect that.

Oh, please tell me. Please, please tell me, please‐‐

‐ Shut up!

After we stormed the palace, Tim went crazy.

He didn't want to tell anyone there was a way out. He‐‐

He stabbed me, and he pushed me out the hole.

‐ No fucking way.

So Tim stabbed you in the front

just like he stabbed me in the back.

‐ He didn't stab you in the back!

We were never on your side to begin with.

‐ Regardless, it sounded cool.

Man, what a piece of shit.

At least I always told you what the deal was.

‐ I thought I knew him. I thought he was a good person.

‐ Power does crazy things to people.

Uh, not me. I mean, I handled it perfectly

and was an excellent, excellent leader.

‐ You flooded the bottom levels!

‐ People were trying to burn down the whole Wall.

I had no choice!

Whatever, we can at least both agree that Tim sucks.

‐ I can't imagine what's happened to the Wall with him in charge.

‐ They need a real leader.

How are the mushrooms? ‐ Disgusting.

‐ What are you, like a chef or something?

‐ Before I was put in the Wall, I worked at Benihana.

Uhhh, whoa, what are you‐‐

‐ Benihana's my favorite restaurant of all time.

I went there twice a week for years!

‐ Are you serious? It's so oily.

Didn't you get tons of diarrhea?

‐ Tons and tons of diarrhea!

But that's a small price for an onion volcano.

You know, it's not just food‐‐

"It's an experience."

‐ So the Benihana founder is Rocky Aoki...

‐ The father of Steve Aoki. ‐ I don't know who that is.

‐ He's like this really famous DJ!

And Rocky's also the father of Devon Aoki.

‐ I'm drawing a blank. ‐ Supermodel‐slash‐actress.

She was in 2 Fast 2 Furious and Sin City.

‐ And these people are famous?

‐ Kinda, like 10 years ago.

I just realized I don't know your real name.

Your parents didn't name you "The Duke," right?

‐ Well, my real name is‐‐ ‐ Hold on.

Ugh. Guess I shouldn't have gone for that extra portion of ant brain.

‐ Yeah, right. ‐ What's with the tone?

‐ Oh, come on. ‐ What?

‐ Don't make me say it. Guys aren't supposed to bring it up.

‐ What? Stop being a dick, I told you about Aoki.

‐ Okay. it's pretty clear that you're pregnant.

‐ What? No way, that's impossible.

‐ I've been seeing signs for a while.

I just assumed you didn't want to talk about it.

Who's the father, some Benihana hunk?

What'd he do, shoot that shrimp right into your pocket?

‐ Oh god... no. No, no, no, no, no.

This can't be happening.

‐ You're also six to eight weeks late on your period.

‐ Excuse me? ‐ It's close quarters in here.

I'm just supposed to not notice you're not having a period?

‐ Yes!

God, I wish there was a way we could know for sure?

‐ Oh, but there is.

What are you doing?

‐ The creme in a Cadbunny Creme Egg is basically made

of the same stuff used to make pregnancy tests.

‐ That is one hundred million percent not true.

‐ I put a drop of Cad Creme on each of these dimes

to test them using our urine samples.

First, we'll try mine, which will function as the control.

Am I using "control" right?

‐ Sounds right. ‐ Okay, here we go.

Okay, no reaction.

Now let's try your urine. Or as I like to call it, "yourine."