Scorpion

Previously on Scorpion...

I want to know who this fella is.

Who the hell are you?

I'm Sylvester.

What kind of man are you?

The kind of man that's been

caring for your daughter.

Cabe, you need a place to crash

for a couple weeks, right?

As of now, Happy's apartment has a vacancy.

I am running for the 16th district

Alderman of West Altadenia in the local upcoming election.

Mr. O'Brien, welcome to America.

Happy and I can get married.

I'm not pregnant.

Caitlin, Megan, Molly,

Cousin Ian,

Uncle Tobin, Uncle Sean,

Great Grandpa Sean, Sean the third.

There's a familiar sourpuss.

I have all the names down.

So, I'll know everyone on sight,

so we can dive into this Pattern Day ceremony without any...

Pesky social awkwardness?

You are brimming

with anxiety. I'm trying to make

a good impression.

These people are my relations.

By marriage. They're mine by blood.

And-and trust me, you're expending

great effort and energy on people

who may not return the favor.

Blessing Megan's cenotaph is-is special.

This Pattern Day i-is important to me.

Not clear why they call it.

Pattern Day.

Patterned after what?

Pattern is a corruption of the word “patron,”

as in “patron saint.”

You could Google it.

I like to practice my human interaction.

It's a valuable skill.

Blessing a rock

with Megan's name on it... it's-it's not special.

She's not even there. She's in space.

A cenotaph

is a lovely remembrance.

It's an honor

to be invited.

I couldn't agree more.

And since Sly's obviously nervous,

why don't you help him out a little.

Give him a rundown of what to expect.

Okay.

So, you can expect my father to be my father;

My mother, the same; And then

my Uncle Tobin, my mother's brother,

he will snort at you and grumble about the war.

Which war is anyone's guess.

And then Thomas and Conner,

my childhood neighbors, are unlikely

to have changed from their formative years,

which were spent perfecting

the wedgie and the... sweaty.

Never heard of a “sweaty”...

Yeah, you don't want to be on the receiving end of one.

I will wager that

Tim is the one who's most likely to be embraced.

Why me?

Because to some, the ability to lug

multiple grain sacks from a storm cellar is impressive.

Knowing pi to the 34th place is not.

You have seen your parents since Megan died,

and they watched you do amazing things that day.

Maybe they passed it along to the family.

Doubtful.

N-Now, I'm busy.

Excuse me.

I am developing

a revolutionary app.

It maps items in a grocery store

and it cuts down annual shopping time

by half, so that averages

to 26 hours a year per adult.

It's efficiency.

Yeah, when I want something at a grocery store,

I usually just ask someone who works there.

Yeah, but with this, you won't have to talk...

to anyone.

Right.

This is what happens when you don't interact enough.

Is this what you were referring to

by the psychiatrics rule of three?

Explain.

Well, when issues arise,

first time it's a concern,

second time it's a problem, third time it's a pattern.

Walter created

a canoe-shaped hot dog, a heavy lead hat for children...

My vertebrae are still throbbing.

And now software that is easily outwitted by your average

- stock clerk. - So flustered that Paige chose

a regular guy that he's trying to solve regular guy problems

to prove he's regular, too,

- but he's flailing. - Bad.

He needs to realize that Tim's not a bad person.

Then maybe he'll relax.

Exactly.

You know, if Walt actually liked Tim,

saw in him what Paige saw,

he'd realize that she made the logical choice

and he'd stop trying to win her.

Problem is...

Walter and Tim, they-they kind of hate each other.

No, no, they don't need to actually like each other.

They just need to act like they do,

and the mind'll take care of the rest.

But how do we get them to act like friends?

Friends have things in common.

What's the one thing they both like?

My mom.

Hey, Tim, my mom's worried without protection

Walter may face further abuse in Ireland.

Like sweaties.

And you want me to protect him?

It would comfort Mom.

Walter's mental health is paramount

to a well-functioning Scorpion.

And no one will bother him

if he's hanging out with a Navy SEAL.

That is true.

So, Tim's Homeland Qualification Exam

is coming up.

And there is a logic and problem-solving portion.

If he fails, he could get bounced from Scorpion.

I'm not sure I'd shed a tear.

But Paige would.

I mean, their relationship will fade over time,

but if it's prematurely torn in two,

the mind categorizes it as unrequited.

“What could have bee”" can just linger forever,

along with a resentment against you,

if she believes you could've prevented the heartbreak.

How do I help him out?

Pal around with him in Ireland.

If you see an opportunity to coach him in logic,

statistics or efficiency quotients,

answer him like you're his friend.

Not for him. For Paige.

Time to boogie if we're gonna make that flight.

Ralph, get your backpack.

We're gonna drop you on the way.

I don't get why I need a sitter.

So you don't blow up a city block.

You left without taking this again.

You two enjoy your chelation treatment.

Yeah, fun. I'm hooked up to an I.V. draining cadmium

from my body.

I wish I'd never tried to make those solar panels.

All I got to show for it is a false pregnancy,

heavy metals in my blood

and a missed trip to Ireland.

It's bacon, ham and sausage?

That's a lot of pig.

He makes me one every morning.

It's a heart-attack-wich.

I can't wait for his house

to get fixed up and he can go home.

Just hanging around him, I feel like I'm getting older.

This morning, I asked where my dungarees were.

In a week, you'll call them slacks.

Cut him loose.

He's been alone for 20 years.

He's desperate for company.

Last night, we played cribbage until midnight.

My baby's got a heart of gold.

My subclavicular nerve ending.

Just shut up and clean my blood.

Oh, here they are.

All right, here we are.

Oh, there he is!

Sylvester, wonderful to see you.

It's been too long. Too, too long.

What a pleasure, Sean.

And Louise, you're as beautiful as ever.

Ah, you're the sweetest boy alive.

He says that to me every time we video chat.

Walter. Mother.

Father.

Good to see you.

So, you stay in touch with them?

Occasionally.

They're family.

Well...

there's a mad bastard if I've ever seen one.

Oh, here it comes. “The damned war”...

There's no way

you beat this ancient grenadier

at Words With Friends unless you cheated.

How else would a man know how to spell