Permanent Roommates

Masterji?

This turban is loose. Once the horse moves, it will fall off.

And put artificial jasmine flowers. The real ones look good at home.

But once you reach the wedding hall, they turn black

You put artificial jasmine flowers; I will spray the jasmine scent on them.

It will be the con of the century.

Is this is okay?

One minute.

A little loose.

Yes, this is good.

Will the cleavage remain like this? Open?

And don’t keep the pyjamas simple, even the waistband should have embroidery on it.

Masterji, attention to detail.

Mikesh, what the hell is going on?

Hey, Tanu! Surprise!

No, no, he is masterji. He is taking measurements. Masterji, the bride has come.

Madam, lift your arm.

What is happening? There is a big photo of us hanging outside?

Why have you called me here? What is happening?

Our wedding is happening. We are getting your wedding skirt made.

The problem with readymade ones is that the blouse become tight.

During the garland ceremony, when people will lift us up

and down, you won’t be able to enjoy it to the fullest.

It's better we get it made Tannu!

And I thought our wedding is a closed affair.

So, if only our parents are coming, why so much preparation?

No, everything has changed. Khatri came and changed everything,

planned the whole wedding and has made a guest list of 500 people.

Khatri gave the advance and booked the venue as well.

Micky, I was on a business trip for 2 days.

And Khatri, who is this Khatri?

Khatri is our relative from my father’s side. I told you about this before.

He is a wedding planner. He has planned everybody’s wedding.

What a brilliant deal he has gotten me! He got me a 5 lakh sherwani for 1.5 lakh

1.5? What? One second, please. Just give us 5 minutes.

Sorry, just give us 5 minutes.

Baby, what is this?

What happened? Did you not like this? He showed me another one in baby pink as well.

But it's cleavage was dropping to the navel.

No, I am talking about the wedding.

Do you want this kind of a wedding?

What do you mean?

This kind. Where we and our parents spend lakhs of rupees to please some random

unknown 500 relatives who will come, dance, eat, drink and judge us all night long?

Yes, exactly! Do you read minds?

affair, what surrounds it is more important?

I just said that in anger to win the argument. You take everything too seriously.

You have told me so many times that you will murder me! Have I filed an FIR against you?

Baby, think about this? You had to quit your job because of me.

Till the time you get a new job, I will be on a maternity leave. Our parents,

too, are retiring soon. We are running low on savings. We cannot afford this.

Tanu, don’t worry about the expenses. Khatri has told

me that the whole wedding will be under 50 to 60 lakhs.

What! Where is this Mr. Khatri? Let me just talk to him and put an end to this crap.

I will decide how my wedding will go, not some Mr. Khatri. Okay?

Tanu? Tanu? At least listen to me. -50 lakhs? Right!

You always leave; never listen to what I am trying to say.

Ya, I want a big smile. Come on!

And flowers on.

And bride's entry.

Go right, go left.

Bhaiya, where is Mr. Khatri?

Hey you fucker! Finish it quickly. We need to leave.

Kill it.

I drink about 15- 20 cups of tea in a day. They have to be served hot.

There are 2 things I am very particular about. This is one of them.

But that is the thing with tea you know,

it transforms itself from a hot cup of tea to lukewarm sugar water.

And I hate drinking lukewarm sugar water.

So I normally don’t leave my tea to gradually decay by itself, unless,

there is someone trying to ruin the second thing that I am very particular about.

I am sorry ma’am, actually, my sister had called so I had gone outside.

Make it brief, my tea is getting cold.

To not wear our shoes on the carpet.

The elephant can remember then.

Do you have dreams, child?

Dreams? Do you have dreams? What do you dream about?

For purely, fictional purposes,

let us assume that you have managed to set up this beautiful

restaurant, this udipi joint, with veg thallis and all.

And imagine on the opening day,

people have lined up, everyone is dying to enter,

but as you open the door, there you see, a giant muddy patch on the doorstep.

It would break your heart, wouldn’t it? Wouldn’t it?

It would.

Now, imagine, hundreds of people at this wedding,

friends, family, relatives, and everyone’s heart breaking together, at the same time.

I am sorry ma’am. I’ll fix it.

How? The carpet won’t clean itself.

I’ll just clean it.

This carpet is more dear to me than your feet.

You will all go and clean your feet right now.

I don’t mean to intervene actually we don’t need this.

You don’t have to do this.

We don’t need this carpet.

We don’t need any of this.

When you say we,

is it that bihari thing when you refer to yourself in the plural?

No, no. By we, I mean Mikesh and I.

I am Tanya, the bride to be.

Ya, actually you know I left town for two days and all this misunderstanding.

I... just... This is just not a part of our plan.

Plans change with great leaders.

Give it time, you will be fine.

No, no no no. This is really like not our thing.

This is just too much and

actually I am looking for Mr. Khatri, the one in charge.

If I could just speak to him?

Oh ho, too bad. Mr. Khatri is in Delhi,

his children had monthly tests. So, he decided to stay back.

Okay, so you are?

Seema, the one in charge.

Or as you would rather like to call Mrs. Khatri.

Jagan, get another cup of tea!

We have eaten so much while tasting little bites.

Do you want some tomato sauce?

No, I don’t like Ketchup. Thank you.

No, thank you.

I am done.

I am ordering tea for myself;

do any of you want anything?

Orange Juice? Will you have some?

I will also have an orange juice. I will also have some.

Ravinder uncle really likes it, let’s see how it tastes here?

I am sorry. Lata, don’t get perplexed.

You told me not to talk about it but I want to say it. Sir?

Yes.

Sir, in my life, a big tragedy has occurred.

It is that I have never become friends with a beautiful man.

All my friends are so ugly.

That Kundu, he looks like a cobbler.

But when I saw you,

I realised, there is God.

I mean, beautiful, you are so beautiful. Sir has got such personality.

You shall see, his jokes will continue like this all day long.

But, really, Mikku also praises you a lot.

Yes, a lot.

He keeps saying that he spoke to you. As if you are his best friend.

No, he has never said best friend.

He may have said close friend, but never best friend.

But he talks a lot about you.

He doesn’t talk about you at all.

But he talks a lot about you.

It is better that he speaks less about me.

He might not have a lot to say about me.

No, no, nothing like that.

Tanya talks a lot.

She has said that she has an aunt who lives in Mumbai.

But I didn’t know that you were so close.

Actually, in her childhood, I was the only woman around her.

She was in the hostel then.

She used to meet me once in a month.

She liked me a lot.

She can’t talk to her father about everything.

So, you must have been a mother-figure to her?

Yeah, she didn’t even have a lot of options,

So she had to make do with me.

Actually, Ila, has been more than an aunt for Tanya.

That is why we were thinking of talking to you about a certain thing.

But Ila said that we should wait until after Mikesh and Tanya’s wedding.

We can talk after that.

Okay, so, we will talk then.

Anyway, we shall keep meeting now.

Without a doubt, without a doubt!

Okay, as you think is right.

Anyway, now we are almost like family.

Yes, yes. Now everybody is family.

Only I have been adopted from an old age home.

That is why; I have been made to sit separately like a driver.

Papa you only said you were feeling cold here. Didn’t you say that?

You should have sat instead of me. Why did you send me away?

Sir, come here. We shall switch off the AC here.

Who is this tall man?

He is Tanya’s father. Papa, you have met him four times before, haven’t you?

Oh, yes. Our boy got your girl pregnant. Sorry.

Yes, you have told me 4 times.

Eh, is this something to eat?

I thought this would be a wedding atmosphere. I would get pizza etc.

They have sandwiched a banana in milk and roti.

What is this? Banana? Yuck.

Hey Gollu!

Yes, you. Hello! Are you done or do you want to eat more?

Done.

Done? Put all your leftovers in this.

Lata, doesn’t give me food in the afternoons.

I will eat all of it.

Papa, enough of this. Now go and rest.

I shall get 10-12 pizzas for you.

I want chaat masala on top too.

Papa, I shall send oregano for you.

Oregano? Okay.

Old generation. Sorry, I apologize. What do to, I have only one father.

I understand.

*phat phat phat phat phat phat phat*

The crackers should burst for at least 15–20 mins.

But again *phat phat phat phat phat phat phat*

It should continue for 15-20 mins more.

And in between light sutli bombs.

Mikesh?

Yes, yes Tanya, I’ll come in a minute.