Brooklyn Nine-Nine

So,

two keys, huh?

That's a lot of snow.

And if you can't handle it,

we're happy to find someone who can.

Don't worry about me, friend. I can handle it.

Marissa, baby,

go get our guests something to drink, would you?

- We don't want a drink. - What is this, a social call?

- It's not a tea party. - We look like

- five-year-old girls to you? - Gentlemen, please.

Have some patience.

Two keys.

Pure as a Catholic schoolgirl.

Did you bring the cash?

Oh, we brought something much better than cash.

- What is that? - Our guns!

NYPD! You're under arrest!

Boss man's gone. Where'd he go?

Thank you kindly, little lady.

Gio Costa,

you're under arrest.

You want that drink now, Hitchcock?

Don't mind if I do, Scully.

Don't mind if I do.

*BROOKLYN NINE-NINE* Season 06 Episode 02

Episode Title : "Hitchcock & Scully"

Synchronized by srjanapala

What the hell, Diaz?

You trying to make your heart explode?

I'm loading up on coffee because it's a pain in the ass

getting to the kitchen now, and I don't want to come back here.

- Is this about the desks? - Yes, Terry,

it's about the desks.

How long is Commissioner Kelly going to punish us

because Captain Holt complained about him to the mayor?

I don't know, but I hope it ends soon.

Terry's shoulders weren't built for tight spaces.

It's bonk city in here!

I've said "excuse me" more times this morning

than I have in my entire life.

Twice!

- Jake. - Rosa.

Good morning.

Oh, my. We are very close together.

I love it. Hey,

you know how I've always wanted to have another child?

Well, it's happening!

Genevieve is pregnant?

But I thought your "meh-err"

no longer made "whoo-oo."

Correct. My testes no longer make sperm.

I was good with "meh-err" and "whoo-oo."

No, we're thinking of adopting again.

We just got an email

from Nikolaj's 15-year-old brother

in Latvia that he's never met.

Yeah, his name is Dragomir.

Oh, my God.

That is a 42-year-old fur trapper.

What? You don't see the resemblance?

Yeah, to Matisyahu. There's no way he's 15.

Well, then, how come he wrote that his greatest fear

is "going through puberty"?

Probably because he wants you to think he's 15

- so you'll adopt him. - Look, Charles, I hate to say this,

but I think this guy is scamming you.

Come on. You're just suspicious

- of everyone. - Jake!

Charles!

Captain wants to see you!

I cannot get through this room anymore,

so I'm yelling everything now.

Nancy, Captain said you can

go to your psychologist this morning.

You're clear! Get your head right.

Gentlemen, we have a situation.

Scully and Hitchcock just got a call from Internal Affairs.

They're interested in a case of theirs from 1986.

If you ask me, this old case is only coming up now

because the commissioner is trying

to drum up a scandal in the Nine-Nine.

And take out your two best detectives in the process.

You're not my two best detectives.

Oh, that's such a relief.

I feel so much safer now.

- Good lord. - Don't interfere

with IA's investigation. Just find out

what actually happened

in case Kelly is trying to manipulate the facts.

- Can you do that? - Oh, so you're asking

if we can open a portal to the wet and wild 1980s

to investigation the bizarre lives of these magnificent dodos?

I believe it was a young Barack Obama

who said "Uh, yes, we can."

Ooh, sorry. Sorry.

Sorry. Uh. You want to see me, sarge?

Yeah. I know we're all

sort of crammed together in here,

but we were kind of thinking

that your uniformed officers

are, uh, causing some problems.

Oh? Like what?-

How do I put this tactfully?

Your squad turned the kitchen into a cesspool,

nastied up the bathroom, and made the elevator

smell like a hundred butts.

Okay, thank you for your tact, Diaz.

Well, that's unfair. Your squad is responsible

for at least 50 of those butts.

Look, all I'm saying is maybe

you can ask the downstairs people

- to be more... - Excuse me?

"Downstairs people"?

Uhh. That's a little offensive.

Oh, don't get it twisted.

It's just where you came from.

Some of my best friends are downstairs people.

Okay, I think you know exactly what that sounds like,

you upstairs people.

Oh, thank you for that nice compliment.

It wasn't a compliment, and you know it!

- I said it with 'tude. - Classic downstairs person.

Wow, you are prejudiced against the first floor.

I'm taking this up the chain.

Gina Linetti spaghetti confetti.

Gina Linetti spaghetti confetti.

- Faster. - GinaLinettispaghetticonfetti.

- Captain Holt. - Uh, yeah, can't you see

we're in the middle of something?

Sorry. It sounded like you were just saying

gibberish back and forth.

Gina is helping me to prepare for a televised interview.

Since the mayor has yet

to weigh in on Commissioner Kelly's.

"Vigilant Policing" initiative,

I've decided to take my objections

straight to the people.

And this gibberish is actually Gina jargon,

a world-renowned linguistic system

that worked pretty well for Ellen Musk.

- Elon Musk. - Ellen Musk.

Season one winner of VH1's "Queen Bitch."

Sir, isn't going to the press

going to make Kelly even angrier at us?

Yeah. He's already made life here pretty miserable.

The crowding, the desks, the downstairs people treating the bullpen

- like a dumpster. - Ooh, I'm so sorry

for the untidiness, milord.

That's enough. I don't have time

for your internecine battles,

and I don't give a hoot

about your minor inconveniences.

I am trying to fight injustice

and do what is right for the entire NYPD.

Understood?

Yes, milord.

Okay, let's set the scene.

The year is 1986.

"Top Gun" is crushing the box office,

and the Beastie Boys have just been issued

- their "License to Ill." - And that's the year

I got felt up for the first time

- under the shirt. - Always a big moment

in a young boy's life. All right, tell us

- about the case. - We were working organized crime,

and we took down a mafia boss, Gio Costa,

for running cocaine.

We were the studs of the Nine-Nine.

Well I'm sure "studs" is a bit of a...

Oh, my God. I can't believe

- I'ma say this, but... - Meow.

No, that is not what I was gonna say,

but honestly, yeah, meow.

No offense, guys, but what the hell happened to you?

Are you body shaming us?

No, I'm personality-shaming you.

You were so alert and cool and job-doing.

So how did you get to Costa?

We had a CI on the inside

who helped set up a sting.

We took down Costa,

recovered a ton of coke

and three duffel bags full of cash.

Seems pretty clear-cut,

but then why would IA reopen the case?

Unless... they think it's some sort

of "Freaky Friday" situation and you guys traded places

with horny singles in your area.

- It's possible. - So what happened to the CI?

Who knows? It was so long ago.

I mean, I barely remember how I got to work this morning.

I think there was an ambulance involved.

- Oh, there was. - Oh.

Wait a minute. Here's a question.

You said you recovered

three duffel bags full of cash

and that's what the evidence logs say as well.

- Yeah. - So?

So count the bags.