Nip/Tuck - Fifth Season

Previously on Nip/Tuck...

That's her.

Wow. She's like a little...

Little lion cub.

We're doing this. Superior arterial hemorrhage. He's going into shock.

That is the way you play a leading man.

He has the courage of his convictions,

yet he is classy. He is always classy.

We've been to an internist, a neurologist, a gastroenterologist.

Nobody thinks you're sick.

You're hiding behind these symptoms because you're scared of us.

You finally get what you want, and you can't handle it.

- You guys are screwing each other. - We love each other, Sean.

Sean called.

He offered me the job of receptionist.

I thought Gina was a stroke of genius.

Not only is she not screwable, you've got built-in childcare.

You and my ex-wife can have more alone time.

Tell me what you don't like about yourself.

I don't like that he's so old.

- Believe me, neither do I. - And he looks like a woman.

- Your mother's quite hard on you. - Ha!

Magda and I have been married for 21 years this may.

- Congratulations. - For what?

I wanted a real man. Omar Sharif. Burt Reynolds.

Hell, even a roll of brawny paper towels would have been fine.

But all I got was this hairless freak.

Back in the eighties, hair removal was all the rage.

I partook, you know, to say the least.

Magda made me suffer through months of excruciating electrolysis.

I followed the trends.

Well, now, magda demands it back.

She read in Newsweek that being hirsute is en vogue again.

Chest hair, long sideburns. I think they call it retrosexual.

Yeah. Hair transplants to the face and the chest

are becoming quite popular.

I want a moustache on him, and I want some fur on his ass.

His is pink like a girl's.

Well, you seem to have a healthy amount of follicles on your head.

I don't think we'll have any problem harvesting 2,500 to 3,000 grafts.

I agree to it only if I could get a face

freshening while I'm in here.

God knows I don't want all my good years to be behind me.

Sure. We could do a tightening along the jaw line

and get rid of the crow's feet around your eyes.

What do you think, Magda? That sound good to you?

Oh, Jesus. She didn't just...

She was up till 1:30 eating nachos and watching Last Call with Carson Daly.

I've sold my soul to the devil, and this devil just won't die.

When we met, I was in my early 20s, struggling actor.

Magda's health was deteriorating fast. I decided to marry her,

figured I'd put in a couple of years at most, get a pretty nice payday.

Her first husband made millions in tobacco.

No money in the world is worth giving up your life for.

If I leave beelzebub now, her first phone call will be to the lawyers.

I'll wind up with practically bupkis, and then she'll keel over the next day.

It's her life.

Oh, I haven't even told you the worst part.

Magda screws like bugs bunny.

She demands it, 6-8 times a day.

- How do you do it? - I close my eyes.

I think of the villa I'll buy in Portofino when she finally kicks.

How long was I out?

Damn. You're still here?

Oh, I dreamt I was screwing a flugelhorn player.

Yes. We heard the flugelhorn.

I'm hungry. Go make me some soup.

Synchro: _/Yellow Sub\_

Synchro: Metalmarco::ITA-SA::

Season 5 Episode 10 Magda & Jeff

OK, people, let's get it done.

15 blade.

Oh, my God. What happened?

- Who's that? - It's ashley.

- So, where have you been? - What...

This woman was crushed by an elephant at the circus. Isn't that right, Peter?

I am performing a mandibular reconstruction with the 13th rib.

- Just... 3 centimeters to the left. - No, doctor, not the patient.

- You. Your eyes. - Oh, it's nothing.

Just a little river blindness.

I caught it fixing cleft palates on the Amazonian river this weekend.

Oh, the Yanomani children.

To see their faces, it was all worth it.

- Peter, if you could have been there... - Doctor, should you be operating?

Yes, I should be operating. Peter's my eyes.

Bone saw!

Here we go.

Oh, we got a bleeder!

Aidan Stone, you are a boy genius.

- Oh, my God. - Marcus!

Freddie, Freddie, Freddie, Freddie. Thank you. Thank you.

- It was a nice scene. - Yeah. Thanks. You too.

- Dating a black guy now. - That's great.

Good for you.

Who's Jose Feliciano over there?

Oh, that's marcus. Aidan's blindness consultant.

I don't know how you guys do it. And it's all the time, right?

- It's like 24/7. - Well, pretty much, yeah.

Did it seem authentic, though?

I mean, I was doing some really cool shit with my eyes.

- Were you? - Like, back and forth, and then...

- Well, it sounded lifelike. - It did. Yeah.

But no, what did it look like? Did it look... 'cause I...

Mr. Mcnamara? Excuse me.

I'm Colleen Rose of the Colleen Rose agency.

I was on the lot visiting another client, and I thought I'd swing by

and watch you work. What I just saw you do was sensational,

just sensational, really. Such pathos. Strasberg, right?

Doesn't matter. You are a scene stealer.

And I hear through the grapevine you're looking for representation.

I'm flattered, but I'm a medical consultant, not an actor.

- I don't think i'm very good. - I totally disagree.

You have a very naturalistic process.

And I know I can get you work... Movies, commercials.

It would be a crime to hide that massive talent of yours.

I've just gotten off the phone with Aidie's agent, who's very, very upset

about yesterday's dailies. He has a massive zit on his client's nose.

I need you tomorrow morning 6 A.M. To reshoot.

Oh, wait. Freddie, I have 2 surgeries scheduled for that time.

- Excuse me. - No, excuse me. I'm Freddie Prune,

executive producer and creator of Hearts & Scalpels. How can I help you?

And I'm sean's agent. Colleen Rose of the Colleen Rose agency.

Seanie, I didn't know you had an ag...

Sean is not going to be rescheduling any surgeries because of some zit,

all right? Sean is a medical consultant and a producer.

He's not one of your cattle. He saves lives at his day job.

So listen, do what you have to. If you have to shoot around him, fine.

Get close-ups, fix it in post... I don't care, really, what you do,

but my client will not be here tomorrow.

You get me a strawberry frivol right now before I kick you square in the nuts.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

In this next bit, I think I'm going to cry.

You know? I just... I really want to show that

blind people can cry like normal people.

- That's pretty brilliant, right? - You know, Aidan,

blind people really do cry like everyone else.

I know. But I'm saying that when I cry,

I can see again. Yeah.

Oh, but I can only see again when I'm crying. I have to get, like...

I just got to get really emotional.

I don't know that river blindness was ever cured that way, but,

well, from what I've learned,

I mean, blind people do get their sight back.

Eden, right?

- Yes. We met at your hell party. - Yeah.

- Oh, that was a pretty crazy night. - Are you looking for Sean?

I think he's hanging out with the extras somewhere.

No, actually, I took the studio tour and snuck away.

Thought it would be more fun to find things myself.

Or maybe you could show me around.

Well, where would you want to start?

Oh, well, I've always wondered if the big stars have beds in their trailers.

I am big, darling.

I'm very big.

I have your results.

The tests don't rule out everything, but your T.S.H. is in the range.

We just can't find out what's wrong with you, Julia.

Well, um, what don't they rule out?

Certain rare cancers,

- but I really don't think... - You don't have cancer.

Just sometimes, I think that you believe I'm faking this whole thing.

But I know that there is something very wrong with me.

And if Dr. Hughes can't find out what it is,

then I will go to see someone who can.

There is something else we could test for.

Your symptoms could be caused by an autoimmune disease.

When was the last time you were tested for HIV?

Slow down. There are other

- autoimmune diseases besides HIV. - 6 months ago.

And how many partners have you had since then? Maybe 50?

I'm not HIV positive.

I was fine until we started sleeping together.

Test me for HIV.

And I would like you to get a test today, too.

Here's your afternoon pick-me-up...

double espresso with non-fat soy, just the way you like it.

I left out the sambuca since you do have surgery in 10 minutes.

Thank you. Oh, thanks.

Did you pick up my dry cleaning?

I got it on my lunch break. I hung it up in your car.

Thanks.

What is this crap?

I mean, you get my coffee, you get my messages,

you haven't called me "asshole" in days. It's like

Gina slut-bitch died and Miss Moneypenny's here in her place.

- What do you want? - Nothing.

No, Christian, really.

I admit it... I'm not the same girl that you knew back in Miami.

I guess I just... I finally realized how lucky I am.

My viral load is so low, it actually rivals Magic Johnson's.

I actually like my job. I get to see Wilbur.

And I have you to thank for it.

And I know, you're kind of having a tough time with Julia, and...

I don't want to add to your problems.

So, huh... huh. What did you hear?

That she rides you pretty hard.

That's all.

Well, you know, she's sick and she, um...

You know, she's in bed all day. She got nobody to talk to.

- Yeah. No, I get it. - No, you don't get it. Jesus Christ.