Toto and Carolina (Totò e Carolina)

This version of Totò e Carolina contains in the present copy,

Mario Monicelli's original edit before being censored.

It was reconstructed by Aurelio de Laurentiis

in collaboration with Cineteca Nazionale and Cineteca di Bologna.

TOTÓ AND CAROLINA

Good evening. - Hi.

Gotta light? - Help yourself.

Well... - Well, what?

Want to come with me?

You got any money? - Do I look I got no money?

Let me see it first. - Oh! Don't you trust me?

To trust is good, but to not trust, is better.

But you look like a good guy. Let's go.

Yeah...

But to the police station!

See, I shouldn't trust!

Come on, get moving! - Get off of me!

The patrol!

Wait, give me my money!

Get outta here!

Look at this bastard! Wait! Wait!

Stop, stop! Look how he runs!

Crook! Criminal! Thief!

If I catch you, I'll send you to jail!

Criminal, jailbird!

Sergeant, I was robbed. I want to file a complaint!

Let go, don't touch me! - To the station.

- Why not? - Come and tell me all about it.

Really, it'd better if certain people went instead!

Bravo! Well done!

A scandal! An indecency! Those sluts!

Come on, move it!

How dare you, Sergeant? This is my husband!

What husband? Elvira, don't bust my chops!

Ah, it's you, Sergeant. No mustache, eh?

Yeah, I pawned it!

You were so much more handsome before... - Three years in jail!

Excuse me, Excellency.

Come on, get down. - Sergeant, we agree then, right?

If you won't let us work... - You call that work!

They should give these guys a medal!

Did you hear me?

Make sure the baby doesn't get cold

and give him his bottle in a half hour and again at six tomorrow morning!

Get off! Get on the truck! Move it!

Mama mia, how embarrassing! If they find out at my house!

Are we all here?

Were missing the driver? - Caccavallo? And where is he?

Look, he's coming.

Hey!

Where have you been?

Don't you know regulation says that a driver can't leave his post?

I know, Sergeant, but I can't stay behind while my brothers fight.

We're officers, not stones. Come!

Criminal, get up there! - Get on! - Let's go!

Hurry up! On board!

Wait, here's another one! - We're all full.

Let her sit up front then! - Regulations prohibit it.

What prohibitions? - What? Sergeant!

Nobody outside of the force is allowed to sit up with the driver,

unless a superior orders it! - Fine, I'll go by taxi.

Eh, well... - Get her on fast! - But the rules...

You and your rules!

Damn! Just now that we got the money.

Here.

Get down, come on. Come on, let's go!

Sergeant, these tires had it.

It's the same with the other jeeps. Try and apply for new tires.

Where are you going? Watch it!

Hey, who's on duty tonight? - Marzachi.

What a drag! Have Giovaninni question us!

It's a drag, is it? You think I give the orders?

Hey, Fernanda! - Marco, what didja do? Where ya going?

To Regina Coeli. - Then say hi to Beppe, he's on the 4th floor. - OK.

Tell'em I talked to the lawyer and not to worry! - OK.

What didja do? - Nothing really.

What did he do? - Skilled theft. - Oh, well!

What skill? Poor bastard! He's always caught!

Always the same ones, eh?

Nothing new, Marshal. The same old faces.

Good. We'll get this over with.

Check the file.

Zautini, Marcella!

Baiocchi, Fernanda!

Marshal, I want to file a complaint because I was robbed.

You need to put more police near Villa Borghese.

The worst of Rome's there!

And what were you doing at Villa Borghese? - I was passing by.

Then don't pass by Villa Borghese again!

All of you, don't put a foot in there for any reason!

How should I tell you?

Marshal, can I be home tomorrow morning by 7?

Proietti, Anna Maria!

My God, how shameful! Me in a police station!

If my mom finds out! The shame!

De Angelis, Giovanna, aka "The Ashamed".

Can I smoke a cigarette, Marshal? - No.

De Angelis, Giovanna isn't on file.

Of course, I'm an honest person. I've only been here four times!

See? She knows it better than you! Look again.

Who do we have here?

Never seen before.

Well, occasionally we renew the ranks, right?

And hopefully some will retire.

You're right.

Hey, what's your name?

Hey, I'm talking to you!

Carolina.

What else?

Any papers? An I.D.?

De Vico, Carolina, daughter of Eustachio. and Casimini, Lucia. Domestic.

Are you on file?

How should I know? - What do you mean? Let's check.

De Vico, Carolina!

You walk the streets but don't know if you're on file?

Who took her in?

Who? - This one. Who took her in?

This one was taken in by Caccavallo. - Ah! That's great!

Where are you from?

From Poggio Falcone. - She's not on file.

You must work under the radar!

And not registered!

Register? - Don't you know you need a membership card for this job?

Put a sock in it!

Listen, it's better you bring this one

to the commissioner. Let him deal with it.

I think she came from the country to prostitute herself in Rome. - Let's go.

Great! As if there weren't enough competition around here!

Where are you taking this one? - To the commissioner. He'll deal with it.

It was my nose! I realized I had a big fish!

My friend, it's all about smell.

What you need in life is a nose!

You won't talk, eh? What did you do?

Caccavallo, leave it, he's waiting for her. Come on.

Here we are, eh?

Who's that? - That one?

A big deal! Big as the atomic bomb!

Who would've thought!

By the way, I've a test on Thursday, on the regulations. Help me study.

Ah! You're testing! Then let me test you.

Let's see...

Here's one.

So... "Public meetings and assemblies in public places".

I know it. I know it completely. - Yeah? Then, tell me...

What if the order to evacuate doesn't take effect?

Article 23.

You jump to 23! Begin at the beginning, OK?

You said you knew it by heart. - You caught me off guard!

Give me just the first word. - Which?

The first! - Just the first word?

I'm not telling. - You're a big jerk!

Oh, I'm a jerk? Nobody calls me a jerk!

Really? - No. - No one? - No!

And yet, I would've sworn... - Very funny.

Excuse me, the Commissioner? - Second floor, up the steps.

The errand boy should have warned me! - He did. - No, he didn't!

He did! - He didn't!

The order... - "If the order to evacuate takes no effect..."

If the order to leave... - To evacuate.

To evacuate... - Takes no... - I know, I know!

One gives... - One gives the order...

the order... - Evacuate... - Evacuate...

The assembly... - The assembly! I know!

Using the means of... - the means... - Three...

Of three... - Don't tell me, I know it!

By three... - Distinct forms of intimidation...

Distinct forms of inti... - ...midation. - Intima-ding...

Three distinct forms... I know. Don't tell me.!

Three distinct intima-ding... ding-ding-ding...

Yeah, ding-ding-ding! - These damn bells!

What bells? Intimidations!

Intima-ding-ding-ding-ation!

OK, "preceded by a..." - God, I know!

Preceded by a... - A... - A...

Preceded by a...

A raspberry? - A raspberry!

But you were going like this! - It's a bugle.

No, a bugle goes like this!

It goes like this. - If the bugle has no effect...

Then, man, you're in for it! - Excuse me, whatcha eating?

It's fresh!

You could wash your hands. - What's the big deal?

I just changed the tire and washed the jeep.

By the way, how's the commissioner's bust coming along? - It's moving along.

Thursday's his birthday. - I know, but tomorrow's Sunday.

I'll be home all day to work on it.

You know what I'm missing? - What? - Raw material.

You miss what? You steal a kilo of crumb every day!

But the commissioner's bust is life sized. - Right.

Caccavallo! - What? The commissioner wants you. - Coming!

It's probably that business about the girl...

This nose of mine!

I tell you the seven had no pair! - You paired it with a seven!

What...? - Shut up!

Hey, hey, hey! Should I throw someone in jail?

I work, I don't beg for alms.

You must work in the day, not when people sleep!

For three nights, he stopped at my house and po-po-po-popom!

That's when I threw the water on him. Yes, Sir.

Water! - Water? That wasn't water!