Vexed

It's one month's rent in advance, one month's deposit.

Just watch the step.

Nice view of the garden.

I like the cooker.

Underfloor heating.

Nice.

It's a great flat.

Isn't it just a tiny bit sick?

Look at all this natural light.

I know, it's fabulous.

One door closes, another door opens. You see her signing a new lease?

I don't think so.

It's such a great fireplace. Yeah, I'm loving that too.

It's gorgeous. Oh. Hey, Naz. Meet my new partner.

Naz Omar, DI Kate Bishop.

Kate's just transferred from Bristol.

Hello. Hi. So, erm, what's the verdict?

If you don't want it, I'm going to need to put an advert in the paper. HE MOUTHS

I guess I'll take it. Great.

What do you want to do about the carpet?

Oh, erm... What you want to do is,

you want to soak it in cold, salty water... Cold water?

Yeah, it's got to be cold. You know. It might be too dry. D'you think?

I could just put the sofa over it. Where are you going to put the TV?

The TV will go over here.

You can't put your TV there. Look at your sight lines.

You put the TV there.

And you put your sofa... CLEARS THROAT ..here.

How's that?

Oh, yeah. Now that's what I call Feng Shui.

The Atkins Diet. The South Beach Diet. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.

Love Actually. Bridget Jones's Diary. Mamma Mia.

There's everything you need to know about our victim, right here. He's Just Not That Into You.

The No-Excuses Truth To Understanding Guys.

So? So...she was single, desperate and probably blubbed herself to sleep every night.

And you can tell all this from looking at her books and DVDs?

I'm sure she was very happy.

Are you saying, if a woman eats a bit of chocolate... A bit?

And drinks a few glasses of wine... It's bigger than my head.

It means she is therefore emotionally unstable?

I'm surprised she hasn't got a cat. PHONE RINGS

What if it's a relative? Oh, God.

Maybe they'll hang up.

I've got to have a look in the bedroom.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

SHE SCREAMS

Jesus!

Oh, I see you found the cat.

That doesn't actually prove anything.

It proves she has a cat and I was right. But who's counting?

Where are we going?

That was a friend of Sally Jacob's on the phone.

She wants to meet us at the office.

So, you married? Yeah. You? No.

Girlfriend? Define girlfriend.

A woman you have an intimate sexual relationship with.

Intimate...no. Kids?

No. You? Probably. Donated sperm while I was at college, did my bit for the perpetuation of the species.

Oh. We're all very grateful.

Easiest 15 quid I ever made. Hobbies?

Not really. You? No. Cat?

Just checking.

No, no, no, no, not that office, that office.

Have you ever tried the coffee in there? It's terrible.

Haven't been in there since 1992.

Hey, Charlie. Hi, Jack.

Oh, wow! Hey, Tony.

Hey.

Tony, Kate, Kate, Tony. Hi, great place.

Thank you very much. Tony's my old boss from the force.

There isn't anything that this guy doesn't know. So what's the word on the street, Tone?

The word is your new partner's just bagged

herself a fantastic flat with underfloor heating and plenty of natural light.

How d'you know that?

Voodoo. Oh, OK.

Wait, you think all black people practice voodoo?

No. You said.

I didn't say anything.

Just messing, babe.

So, anyone ask for me? There's a distraught young lady waiting for you at table four.

Mmm? No worry, I gave her some ice cream.

Ooh, I fancy a smoothie.

Give me a Mango Mash-up, please, Tone. Coming up.

Erm, give me an Apple Attack, no cinnamon, please, Tone, thanks.

She was so happy. Sally Jacobs?

Are we talking about the same woman here? She couldn't stop smiling.

She was on medication. Sounds like Prozac.

No. She finally met somebody. Ah!

But she was miserable before, right?

Drinking too much, comfort eating? All the time.

Who did Sally meet? His name's Ben.

I don't know his surname.

Sally met him in a bar.

It was amazing. They had so much in common.

They liked the same books, music, films.

He loved cats.

The musical?

It's like they were made for each other. Did Sally say what Ben looked like?

She said he was very good-looking.

He had blonde hair, blue eyes.

Come on, we're going.

Oh... Here you go.

Thank you.

Jack, what's going on? A couple of weeks ago, another woman,

Jessica something or other, was beaten to death with a wok.

Do you think it's connected?

Jessica's friends said she just met a guy called Richard, er, Richard, er...

anyway, he had blonde hair and blue eyes.

Let's get over to Jessica's place.

How's your smoothie? Really good.

Yeah? Yeah.

Atkins, South Beach,

French Women Don't Get Fat.

Is that true? I'm sure I've seen some fatties waddling around Paris.

Maybe they were Yanks.

He's Just Not That into You. Mmm.

We got ourselves another comfort eater.

This is still a crime scene, right?

Love Actually. Bridget Jones.

Mamma Mia. It's all the same stuff as Sally Jacobs.

Miaow! This can't be a coincidence? There's got to be a connection.

How's he finding them?

Ah, Honeybee. The loyalty card. Sally Jacobs had the same letter.

We should check it out.

What d'you mean you've got plans? I've got a fitting for a suit.

Classic two-button, navy blue... beautiful.

We're in the middle of a case? Yeah, and if we solve it today, we'll only have to start another one.

What you think they'll let us chill for the rest of the week?

It's almost five anyway. It's 3.30. Exactly. Where can I drop you?

Then we call it a day because he's got a fitting for a new suit.

Can you believe that? He has his suits made to measure?

How does he afford that on a police salary?

According to him, right, if a woman watches Mamma Mia

and so much as looks at a bar of chocolate, it means she's mental.

Well, you hate Mamma Mia.

Yeah, but...

I don't think liking it constitutes a mental illness.

What about those women that've been to the sing-along version 20 times?

Well, I'm not talking about those nutters. This way...

Oh, he so fancies himself, it's...

just that...

Yeah. And where does the TV go?

Over here, huh?

Yeah, that works.

So...

Do you want to christen the flat?

Er...

We should get something to eat. I've got to go by eight.

Where are you going? It's a sales conference in Leeds. I told you about it.

No, you didn't. Yes, I did. I've got to go.

The Japanese are over. It's like Tenko when that lot are here.

Dan... Oh, you wanted me to take the promotion and come up here. No. We wanted to move up here.

Oh, c'mon. Don't start. I'm not starting anything.

I just thought you might want to have sex with me.

Obviously not. Someone died in here. Ooh "Someone died". We better never have sex again.

I'm hungry. What do you want?

Indian? Thai?

Mexican...huh, Fajitas?

I quite fancy Thai. I'm glad you fancy something.

What d'you want? Nothing. I'm not hungry.

I'll have a green curry and coconut rice. And...

PHONE RINGS Oh, it's work. ..Hiya!

Yeah, I can spare a minute. For you, I can spare five.

Honeybee reception, can I help you? It's just this way.

Oy, oy, blonde hair, blue eyes.

Blonde hair, blue eyes.

You are kidding me!?

These guys have got to look at their equal opportunities policy.

It's like the Aryan Nation in this place.

This way.

Just a minute!

Sorry.

The police are here.

Right.

Blonde hair, blue eyes.

Hmmm, hmmm. Mike Reynolds.

DI Bishop, DI Armstrong.

I hope we're not interrupting anything. No, no, we just finished.

This is Suzie Miller, our Sales Director. Hi.

I'll, er, leave you to it.

The figures for the uhm...

thing. Er, good work, great numbers.

Please. Take a seat.

So, what can I do for you?

We're investigating the murder of two women...

Sorry.

..both of whom received iden...

identical letters from your company.

Well, over 12 million people use a Honeybee card. I'm sure it's just a coincidence.

Are you? That makes you sound guilty for a start.

What? Where were you on Sunday evening?

Me? Am I a suspect?

Mmm, unless you've got a watertight alibi.

Otherwise it's not looking so good.

I was at a charity auction for Afghanistan...

or, er, was it Kurdistan? One of the "stans".

A drought...

or a flood. You mean the earthquake in Kazakhstan?

Yes, that's it. I bought a luxury weekend for two at a spa.