The Ren & Stimpy Show

Our story begins thousands of years ago--

1856 !

This is the true-life drama

of the legendary...

we salute these brave men

and their famous motto...

Ouch !

Men, this is a mission of glooorrry !

I need volunteers.

We need men, big of heart...

big of courage...

big of spirit !

Only big men will do !

For those of you who volunteer,

it means certain death.

If you're lucky.

You must be very proud

to have an opportunity like this.

You'll go down in history.

This nation shall be forged in your blood.

Not everyone gets the chance

to sacrifice their lives for such a noble cause.

You can make this land a great place for our children

and their children's children.

There is a great wilderness out there

that you must tame.

Why ?

So that future generations will live in freedom !

Think of it, man.

I can see it now.

Two color T.V.s in every home.

A curling rock in every garage,

and all because selfless men like you

laid down your lives for the kilted yaksmen !

Don't do it for yourself, man.

Do it for people you'll never even meet !

Please !

Please let us sacrifice for our country !

Me and Ren, our lives are cheap.

Well, I don't know.

Oh, please !

I know we're not worthy.

Aah !

Here !

Take this five bucks, just let us serve !

Well...

okay.

Oh, thank you !

Thank you !

I'm proud of you boys.

And while you brave men seek your place in history,

the rest of us poor lads must bear the shame

of having to remain here,

with the women.

Aah !

Those poor men.

Isn't it a pity, Ren ?

Ooh !

Hmph !

And so, faithfully, the two heroic yaksmen

began their journey across the majestic wilderness

in search of the great, the lost,

barren wasteland !

Onward they pressed through the harsh Canadian tundra.

Facing hardship after hardship.

Ugh !

The Kodiak marmoset !

Yes, Canada's most fearsome predator.

The Kodiak marmoset is the world's largest--

smallest-- primate.

My god, he's killing us !

Help !

Help !

Having weathered the wintry tundra,

our heroes press on,

into the stinking hot depths of the Canadian jungle.

Aah !

Ha !

Ulp !

Aahhh !

Aah, aah, aah, aahhh !

Aah, aah, aah...

aahhh !

Filthy...

starving...

exhausted...

our heroes wearily continue on their search

for the great barren wasteland.

Stop !

I can't take it any longer !

We are out of food and water !

I feel I shall starve !

If we keep on going, we will surely die !

I tell you we must turn back !

Stop it, man !

You mustn't say those things.

Remember the royal anthem of the kilted yaksmen.

ow, ow... ow, ow...

that's it !

come on, everybody !

Yay ! Whoo !

shut up !

I can't stand it anymore !

All the time singing, singing !

Why won't he stop ?!

Listen, do you hear it ?

Ha ha ha ha... !

Ha ha ha ha... !

Rrrrr !

Aaaah !

Grrrr !

Aah !

Aah !

Grrrr... !

Grrrr... !

Grrrr... grrrr--

Come to your senses, man !

This is no time for hysterics.

We've got to pull together !

Thanks.

I needed that.

I'm all right now.

Good.

Now we have to sit down and think how we can find food.

All right, think.