Northern Exposure

Don't get me wrong. I'm not kidding myself.

Anchorage isn't New York City, but it's not Cambodia, right?

Do you know how many Chinese restaurants are in Anchorage? Five.

There's 14 movie theaters, two practically kosher delis,

and if we're talking about freezing,

the temperature's only five degrees lower than Indiana,

despite the differential in precipitation.

Ginger ale, and another Scotch for the businessman.

So, anyway, it's not as if Alaska was part of my game plan,

but I've always thought that medicine was for me,

ever since I played doctor with Katie Kaplan in the second grade.

I had the desire, the grades... I just didn't have the bucks.

Do you know what it costs to go to medical school?

A lot.

I know what you're thinking. Scholarship, right?

Let's face it. Jewish doctors are not exactly an endangered species.

Three dollars, please.

So, 75 scholarship applications later,

74 turndowns only one comes through.

Alaska.

What do you mean?

The State agreed to finance my medical education to the tune of $125,000.

In return, I agreed to be their indentured slave for the next four years.

What?

You ever been to Alaska?

Of course. What kind of schmuck do you think I am?

Elaine, she's a third year law student at NYU...

We came out last summer. We loved the place.

Well, not loved, but we both agreed it is definitely doable.

What are you trying to say?

Are you trying to tell me something?

Good luck.

Joe! Sorry, it's been crazy.

Great to see you again. How was your flight?

Not bad. Good. Come on in.

I got it.

I'll need a day or two to get settled in at the condo.

A phone, cable, that sort of thing, before I check in at the hospital.

I've got some exciting news for you, Joe. Joel. Really?

Ever been to the French Riviera? In France?

My lady and I were doing Europe. We did the Rivieras French and Italian.

And then we jumped up to Scandinavia she's Danish, a model

before jumping down to Zermatt in Switzerland.

Sounds great. Do you think?

Actually, it was incredibly disappointing.

Really? Why?

Because, Joel, once you have experienced Alaska

and I am talking about the real Alaska

everything else pales in comparison.

Which brings me to my big surprise. We don't need you.

What are you talking about? You're expendable, Joel. Superfluous.

You're pulling my chain, right?

We overfunded and we have more physicians than we need.

This is great news

What you're saying is... you don't need me.

That's right.

This is great news! So we've decided to set you up in Cicely,

situated in an area that we Alaskans refer to as the Alaskan Riviera.

Ideal weather, breathtaking scenery, shopping, dining...

Aspen's got nothing on this place.

Where is this Cicely? Bus ride from Anchorage.

We've arranged for your lodging and office, and the city is extremely excited.

OK, um...

What if I don't like it? You'll leave.

Let's just get this straight. If I don't like it, I can leave?

Absolutely.

Well... it does look pretty.

It's gorgeous.

Dr Fleischman? Yeah?

Hi, I'm Ed.

What about rap? What about it?

Well, are you into it? No, not particularly.

Here we go. Richard Berry. R&B classic.

You're a doctor, right? Yeah. Look, where are we?

Not like Dr Toni Grant. She's on the radio. Helps with your personal problems.

"He's in sinus tach. Give me an x ray, stat: Cervical, spine, chest and abdomen."

"Call ortho for his leg. Call thoracic."

"Tell 'em we've got a pneumothorax, possibly secondary to fragment."

Just St Elsewhere. I love that show.

I sail the ship all alone

I never think I'll make it home

And Louie Louie

Well, me gotta go

Hey, where... See ya!

Where are you goin'?

Home.

Are you kiddin' me? You gotta take me to Mr Minnifield!

You can return the tapes to me later.

Hey! Hey!

Oh, my God!

I smell the rose in her hair

And Louie Louie

We gotta go

Well, Louie Louie

We gotta go

Me see Jamaican moon above

It won't be long me see me love

Me take her in my arms and then

I tell her I never leave again

And Louie Louie

Well, we gotta go

I said now Louie Louie

Well, we gotta go

I said we gotta go

Well, we gotta go

Dr Fleischman!

Minnifield?

What part of New York are you from, son?

Flushing. What part's that? Bronx?

Queens. You know New York? No, I can't say that I do.

Spent some time on the East Coast, mostly around Washington DC.

Satellite Beach, Florida.

I've only been to New York one time, for a parade.

Macy's Day? Ticker tape.

Goin' down Fifth Avenue in the back of an open Caddy.

I was an astronaut, son. Really? No kidding?

Sit.

Wow, that's incredible. I've never met an astronaut before.

I watched those missions as a kid.

Ever go into outer space? Took my ride.

Joel, I wanna take this opportunity to be the first to welcome you here.

When I heard we had a crack at a Jew doctor from New York City, I jumped.

You boys do outstanding work.

Thanks.

There's lots of opportunity here.

When I first came here 20 years ago, there was nothing but natural surroundings.

Unseen by white man since before time began.

First thing I did, I bought 15,000 acres of land.

Second thing I did, I started a radio station and a newspaper. Why?

Communications. If a man's got something to sell or something to say,

he'd better get it out there.

And by golly, I had it, and I still do.

We've got an outstanding little town here, Joel, ready to step up in the world.

We've got natural resources, we've got land, we've got wildlife,

just waiting to be fondled.

And now, Joel...

Now... we've got you.

Come on, son.

Let's do it.

Is this it? Is this the town?

This is it. This is Cicely.

She and Roslyn founded the town 97 years ago.

Rumor and innuendo notwithstanding, they were just good friends.

A hippy passing through painted that picture.

He was so high on weed that he forgot the apostrophe S. I squeezed that in myself.

But where is the rest of the town? It's coming, son.

A big Burger King, shopping malls, 31 flavours...

It's all gonna be here. Maybe not today,

maybe not tomorrow, but it's coming.

I can guarantee you that.

Son of a...

I told that Ed I wanted him to throw a new coat of paint on here.

This place needs more than a paint job.

Son, I had no idea this wouldn't be done before you got here.

Before I got here? This is my office?!

A few curtains, a couple of heads on the wall, you're in business.

Come on, son. Sit down.

Relax. Get a feel for the place.

While I find out what the hell that Indian's been up to.

Who are you? Marilyn. I'm here for the job.

Phone? Back there, on the wall.

Pete Gilliam, please.

Pete? Joel Fleischman.

I'm in Cicely. I've taken a look around.

I've checked out the place and thought about it long and hard, and I want out.

I don't have my contract. I'm on a phone in a bar in the middle of nowhere.

What? It says what?!

No, no, no, listen to me. You said if I didn't like it, I could leave.

No, I don't "don't like it". I hate it! I demand to leave!

You're not the one who has to spend the next four years

in a godforsaken hole in the wall pigsty with a bunch of dirty, psychotic redne...

I am a graduate of Columbia University School of Physicians and Surgeons.

I did my residency at Beth Zion hospital,

one of the finest medical facilities in New York and the world.

I will not spend the best years of my life in the worst place on earth!

Let me tell you, if you think...

Collect call from Joel, please.

Hi. Honey. Yeah, I'm here.

Look, um... Yeah, it is, it's lovely.

Do me a favour. Run through my contract.

Is there a stipulation as to location of medical practice?

Just suburban Anchorage. Could you do that for me?

Today. Yeah, OK.

I miss you too, sweetheart.

The number is 9075557823.

I'm gonna wait for your call, OK?

OK, yeah, no, me too.

OK.

Women.

My stomach's a mess. You got a seltzer? Seltzer?

Yeah, you know.

Seltzer. It's water with bubbles.

Hi. Have you heard the new Bel Biv Devoe?

What?

I think that one's gonna go platinum.

Maurice asks if you've got the 16 cases of lemon lime for the festival.

I couldn't get lemon lime, so I got orange.

OK, that'll do. Do you have any aspirin back there?

I was gonna call Maurice and tell him about the change myself.

You were gonna call Maurice?