The Resort

Slow down!

Speed up?

Slow the fuck down, bro!

Okay, hang on tight!

Ahh! Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Oh.

Hi. Mr. And Mrs. Reed, welcome.

Hey, how you doing? Oh, yeah.

How was your flight? It was great.

Uh, it was pretty turbulent.

Raul!

Sorry about that. No.

It's all good. We're here.

Yeah. My name is Luna.

Hi, Luna.

And take this,

as they will get you everything you need.

Oh, even heroin? Sorry?

She's joking. It was a bad joke.

Although I will try anything twice.

No, no, no, no heroin.

Eh, cocktails?

Yes, please. Thank you.

Thank you, gracias.

And smile!

Okay, ah, no.

Maybe if you come a little bit closer, please.

Yes, that's perfect. Thank you.

One, two, three, smile.

And what brings you two to Akumal?

Vacation from the kids?

Uh, no kids. That ship has sailed.

It's our ten year anniversary.

Ten years? Yeah.

Wow. La pubertad del matrimonio.

Mm. The marriage of what?

The puberty of marriage. Oh!

Puberty of marriage. Okay.

La pubertad del matrimonio.

What? Yes, that's right.

Okay, all right. That's right.

Yes, it's when the real love begins.

You become who you will be.

You okay?

Are you okay, sir? Yeah, yeah.

It was a mosquito. In your mouth?

Yeah, in the throat. Oh.

Oh.

Well, you can relax now.

You're in paradise.

No work, no stress, no regrets.

Ahh.

There are few greater pleasures in life than a good hotel bed.

Yeah, or two of them. Look, I'm sorry.

I had to book this on Amex points,

and all the king size rooms were taken, so...

Oh, that's okay. This is great.

I like this.

I'm just kidding. We'll sleep together tonight.

All inclusive.

Yeah, unlimited week of alcohol, yeah.

And to adventure and gluttony.

Yeah. Here's to ten years.

The puberty of marriage.

Ow. Oh, yeah--oh, my God.

It's okay, it's okay. Oops, sorry, sorry.

It's okay.

Were you holding your breath?

Uh, yeah, you got something a little--

a little stinky going on in there.

Lazy river? Yeah.

All right.

Yeah, you know, I'm at this point in my life

where I'm not sure if it's the jet lag

or the alcohol that's more damaging to my brain.

You don't have jet lag.

It's a three-hour time difference.

Well, I mean, but that's what jet lag is.

It's like I travel by jet,

and now I'm lagging.

Yeah, but then you should feel more awake, actually.

I think your problem is that you're just always tired.

What do you want to do for dinner?

It's all been taken care of.

We don't have to leave the resort

for any meals if we don't want to.

But what if we want to?

Oh, you want to?

Mm.

Great, sushi at 9:00.

You sure you're gonna be awake?

You won't be too jet lagged? Oh, wow.

Such a sleep shamer.

I'll bet you--I'll bet you 20 bucks,

American, I stay awake.

All right, I'm ready.

I win.

Oh, I knew that we would be friends

when I saw you at the pool.

Does it ever get weird with,

like, both of your names being Ted?

Well, our friends call him Young Ted.

They call me Gray Ted. No.

They used to call me Young Ted.

Now I have more gray than Gray Ted.

Well, except around my pubes.

Oh, wow!

Too much, too much. Sorry, we went, just went.

Wow, so how many years is this?

So every seven years, we'll pick a vacation spot

we've never been to.

So the first time, we went to Laos.

Uh-huh.

You know, by Thailand, Southeast Asia.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then the next seven years was Memphis

because Ted is a big Elvis fan.

Guilty, so anyway, this year,

what we're doing is, we always have a good time,

but we also spend the week reevaluating our marriage

to see if we want to stay married.

Oh. Yeah.

Okay, that sounds absolutely terrifying.

Marriage is technically a contract.

That's right. People change, love changes.

Yin and yang, so why not plan for these things

by really asking ourselves,

do we still make each other happy?

Oh, and do we still surprise each other?

You know, if we make it through this trip,

we will be at 21 years.

Wow, okay, and like, what if you don't?

Oh, we separate and life goes on.

Yeah, no biggie.

I get to keep the dog though.

No, no, no, no, Beans comes with me.

Is the air even on? Full blast.

How much did you have to drink last night?

Hey, I have some water. Here.

Oh, okay, thank you. Oh, is she all right?

Yeah, she gets a little carsick.

She'll be fine.

You good? You're gonna do great.

Just always keep your eyes ahead.

Keep close! Let's roll out!

Whoo!

Noah!

Come on!

Ah, ah!

Whoo!

Ah!

Ah!

Holy shit.

Emma?

Emma!

Emma, oh, my God.

Oh, my God, stay there!

Stay there, stay there. Don't move.

Pretty good, huh?

Gracias.

God, that's so sweet. Is there alcohol in that?

No, because you're on pain meds,

and you have a head injury.

I can handle one drink.

You sure that's a good idea? I can handle one drink.

Yeah, you said that before now,

so your repeating yourself might be a sign

of a more serious brain injury.

You got to stop treating me like a baby,

or I'm gonna get a fucking face tattoo.

Wow, okay. Um, you know what?

Here, knock yourself out.

It's okay, it's okay. Hello, strangers.

Hi, friends. How are you?

ATV friends. Hi.

Hey. Oh, my goodness.

How are you feeling? I'm okay.

Let's see. Can I see?

Are you okay--oh. Okay.

Yeah. All right.

It's gonna be fine though. I'll be right back.

It wasn't funny. It hurt.

Oh, of course, we'll be here. She's a lot of fun.

Nice.

Shit, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Yeah, sorry.

Yes. Oh, my God!

Yes--yes, thank you. Muchas gracias.

Yeah.

Fuck.

Who else is buying this? Veinte.

Okay, put that there.

There we go.

Can I charge this in here?

Do you have an outlet for this?

"Where are you?

Meet in lobby?"

The Oceana Vista.

Hola.