Another Period

Contagious.

We must contain this pandemic.

- Contagious. - Contagious.

- Contagious. - Contagious.

- Contagious. - Contagious.

Contagious.

- Everyone stay back! Stay back, damn you!

Excuse me, sir, but I'm afraid we must

quarantine the downstairs.

We're having a tiny outbreak situation.

The cook and staff have "beshitted" most of the kitchen.

Oh, those poor people!

- You mean, "Oh, those poor people."

I'm telling you, Daddy, it's high time

we got one of those modern, new flamethrowers

and burnt that whole downstairs to a crisp.

Maybe then they can make a crème brûlée

that doesn't taste like snot!

- How can you think about dessert

at a time like this?

I just finished my entree,

what else am I supposed to think about?

- Well, as a proud "Grey Lady" of the Red Cross

Volunteers Corp, I'll be going downstairs

to save those poor souls.

- Well, the only thing I'm interested in saving

is the family fortune and my rear virginity...

For second marriage.

That's my baby girl.

Peepers, whatever we do, lets do it quietly.

- I'm afraid the Lookie-Loos already sniffing about.

The newspaper's here?

Well, then, lets save these poor souls in their final hours!

- The last thing those poor people need

is you, Lillian! - No, I'm going to do that.

The last thing they need is you!

- Your disease is more rampant than theirs is!

I am certified to deal with it! - I'm winning.

How are you sleeping?

Kill him first!

- Identify yourself, state your price

and then write to my father and ask him for that price!

Frederick, it's me.

Oh, hello, Beatrice.

I was just having the most delicious dream

about a bear with human hands.

- What the hell are you doing here?

- Well, I wanted to tell you the good news.

Father set me up with a suitor and I think I like him.

- You travelled 12 hours by train,

broke into our house, into our room,

and all that just to say you met someone?

No, that's ridiculous.

We travelled by carriage and it took two weeks.

Anyway, his name is Dick and he's the president

of the Pinta Yacht Club.

- He's the president? - Mm-hmm.

- Darn it, I'm only the vice president.

- You're vice president of the United States.

- You don't have to rub it in my face.

- All right, enough, Beatrice, it's time for you to leave.

Freddie has got a country to run.

- Ohh, okay. Bye, Beatrice.

- Well, can't wait to meet your new friend.

Now, ta-ta. - You mean it, Celery?

A double date? - Uh, not... not really.

We can do it tonight!

I'm at the hotel across from the penis monument.

- Oh, Beatrice, I made a similar mistake.

It's actually called the Washington Penis.

- Oh, okay. Celery...

you're the best sister in the world!

- Okay. Oh, no. Oh... ohh.

I'll see you tonight.

Bye, Freddie.

- Did she say you were officially sisters now?

- May God bless you and keep you, my child.

Heiress coming through.

Oh, if it isn't Brussels Sheridan

of the Lookie-Loos Society Pages.

- If it isn't Lillian Bellacourt.

- Would you like to get a few photographic stills of me?

I could grab one of these near dead

in the better lighting. - Oh, yes!

- Excuse me, we're taking a picture!

Lady of the house speaking.

Everyone come close, we're gonna do a little

"photo-graph."

Oh. - Oh!

- On three. - All right, everyone, ready?

One, two, three!

Un, deux...

un, deux, trois, quatre.

He's doing it again! - What?

- Hello. Hello. - What'd I do?

- Stop manjacking like a bunch of Baltimore Slavics.

We are the Gentlemen Callers, please.

The Boston Barber-Fest is next week.

It's where the Dandy Dollops got their start!

- That's why I suggest that I do the solo

because I am the face of contemporary barber shop.

- You are the face of a sad and pathetic man.

- Oh, well, in that case, I'm the face of you.

- So how exactly did you two meet again?

Oh, it's such a funny story.

Do you want to tell it? - No, you tell it.

- Okay, we'll both tell it. - Yes.

- The Commodore was doing a business deal

with my father, Admiral Firestone...

- Mm-hmm and he thought I would make a fruitful bargaining chip.

- So, as luck would have it, he said that in exchange

for my family's oil rights in Nova Scotia...

- Commodore would give him his opal mines,

$750,000 worth of gold bullion...

- And his tallest daughter who just happens to be...

Beatrice!

- My father heard that and he said, "Sold!"

"You can't put a price on opal these days."

I hate water.

Tastes like my mouth.

Next!

Get out of here, Lillian!

You're burning the servants. - No,

I'm the one who's gonna slop these hogs.

- There's a typhoid epidemic going on here, Lillian,

so I suggest you move over. - No!

I'm more compassionate than you, you sloth..

The sloth is the gentlest

of the South American Pilosa genus of placental mammals.

So I'll take it as a compliment.

- Take it however you wish, just move!

Oh, you like to push?

How about a push from a certified Grey Lady?

- Contagious! Contagious!

Everyone, hold your breath!

- Infected patient... - No!

- Please step behind the partition.

- No, no, if I'm going to be infected,

it would be from a rich person's disease.

Like gold poisoning or a governor's rash,

not... not typhoid.

- Contagious. Contagious.

So, what I'm dying to know is

how did you two meet?

- Fredrick, would you like to tell the story?

- No, it's boring and I don't remember it.

Oh, soup!

Aah! Hot! Hot! Mouth!

Ooh, soup fools me every time.

- You know I feel a bit of a headache coming on.

Perhaps I'll go walk the gardens.

Get some fresh air. - Okay, bye.

- Oh! Can I have your dessert

if it gets here before you come back?

Excuse me.

- Should someone go and check and see if she's unwell?

- Oh, I would, but I don't want to miss

my soup at its ideal temperature.

- I'll just go check and see how she's doing.

Okay, bye.

- Aah! Still hot!

Still so hot! - Come here.

Better? - Uh-huh.

- Okay, no one is supposed to come close to this line.

Do you understand?

Everyone away.

Give Miss Lillian some space for God's sakes!

No one's even coming near her.

- This must be some kind of mistake.

I-I can't catch the same disease as servants.

I mean, we're practically not even the same species.

You don't catch a fever from a horse.

You don't acquire an immune deficiency virus

from a monkey. - Over the line!

Everyone just leave her be!

- Poor, Lillian! Poor, Lillian!

- Mind if I join your constitutional?

Oh, I would be delighted.

- I have to say, it's nice to spend a moment with an adult.

Trouble in paradise?

- Oh, it's Fredrick. He can just be so childish.

He doesn't know how soup works,

he's convinced he's got a twin brother

who lives in the mirror,

he's afraid of clouds.

Sometimes I wish I had met a proper gentleman,

like yourself. - Oh...

I'm afraid I'm no gentleman.

I have a confession to make, Celery.

The only reason I came out here was to...

bend you over in the woods.

Oh, Dick.

- Garfield, who are all these people?

Well, that's Connie, the chef,

and that's Quincy, the coal shoveler,

and that's Pearl, she was your wet nurse

and your primary companion for the first 19 years of your life.

Huh.

And... and what about that little woman. What does she do?

- She kills and plucks the egrets