The Suite Life on Deck

"eventually she will be sorry."

Aw, man.

I have to go back to the optometrist.

I'm reading this "mosquito man" comic,

But it's all blurry.

You should try wearing the 3-d glasses.

Ah.

Mosquitoes! They're all over me!

Oh.

- ( knocking at door ) - come in.

Cody.

Bailey.

Woody.

Sorry, I just wanted to play.

Now that we're broken up, I'm returning your stuff.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I mean, I thought

You might need your graphing calculator,

Your scientific calculator, your algebraic calculator...

Wow, you need a calculator to figure out

How many calculators you have.

Well, I have one.

It's just not the kind of thing you lend out.

While you're here,

I do have some of your things.

You had my washboard hero?

I was practicing to impress you,

But I guess I don't have to anymore.

I certainly won't miss trying to blow

"tiny dancer" on the jug.

Well, I certainly won't miss having to rub hand sanitizer

On my face before you'll kiss me.

You know how many germs there are on the human cheek?

No! No one does except you and it's weird.

Mm...

That is why I do not have a girlfriend.

Yeah, that's why.

yay!

I got an "a" on my money tree.

But there's no money on it.

There was when I handed it in.

Look, cody, we got an a+ on our science project.

You're welcome.

Where do you think you're going with buck?

Back to my cabin.

Um, I don't think so. He's coming home with me.

Uh, not so fast.

- He's more my rat than yours. - No, he's not.

I'm the one who cared enough to name him.

Cared? You just used the term

For a male rat-- buck.

I did not.

Buck was named after how my teeth looked when I was 10.

Now let go.

- No, you let go. - No, give him back.

What right do you have to take buck from me?

- What's going on? - He's my child!

I just got a call about a disturbance.

Thanks for coming so quickly.

What are you two fighting about?

We're arguing over who should get to keep our lab rat buck.

Hey there, little fella.

Aw... Come here.

look, he likes me.

He's giving me little kisses.

He's just licking barbecue sauce off your tie.

Now can I please have him back?

No, don't give him to cody. Give him to me.

No, me. I'm clearly--

You two need to cool the heck down now!

I'm gonna need some backup in the science lab.

You don't even have a radio.

You're just talking to your shoulder.

That's it! Against the wall, mister.

Whoa!

Easy, big guy.

You're right. Sorry.

When bad stuff goes down, my 30 minutes of cruise ship

Security-guard training kicks in.

- Wasn't that, like, an online course? - Yeah.

I had to come up with a user name and a password.

That was intense.

Since you guys can't decide who should get the rat,

Maybe you should have a responsible, impartial third party decide.

Good idea, woody. I'd be happy to do it.

No--

Well, I guess that would be okay.

Obviously you're gonna pick me.

Ha, no. He's going to pick me.

I'm not picking anybody until I do a thorough evaluation

And background check on the both of you.

In the meantime,

I'll take care of this cute little guy.

Aw, look at his little whiskers.

Hi hi. Ow!

That little booger bit me.

Well, that's what you get for always taking his food.

I can't help it. These food pellets are delicious.

Mm mm.

Uh, woody, those aren't food pellets.

Zack: You know, sloane,

These strawberries are almost as sweet as you.

Does this rat bite look infected?

Not now, woody! Now where were we?

I got a tetanus shot and antibiotics on it.

But when you lift up the scab, it's all milky in there.

- Look. - Ew!

It even smells disgusting.

Oh, no no no. That's actually just my socks.

Bye.

Thanks a lot, woody.

Well, I'm sorry, but this rat bite is really freaking me out.

- Why don't you go bother cody? - No way.

He might have that evil lab rat with him.

Lab rat, huh?

Now let me get this straight.

You were bitten by a rat

That had been subjected to scientific experimentation?

- Yeah. So? - So? You read comic books.

You're probably beginning to mutate as we speak.

- Mutate? - Uh-huh.

Oh, you're even beginning to grow rat whiskers.

I am?

Ah, and your eyes are turning pink.

Yep, you're transforming into a rat.

Y-you're right.

I feel this sudden urge to scurry.

- Zack, you've gotta help me. - Okay okay.

Now if I were you, I'd scurry immediately into hiding.

If the government figures out you're a mutant,

They'll lock you up and experiment on you.

Remember what they did to poor poor mosquito man?

They-- they cut him open and tried to remove his proboscis

To turn him into a giant blood-sucking superweapon!

Dude, stuff like that happens.

Ahh!

Whew.

All right, bailey, I'm here to observe

How you interact with buck.

I have everything I need to take notes:

Notepad, pen, and mr. Gingerbread.

You really need that?

You're right, I can just remember everything.

Now you and the rat just go about your normal business.

Okay well, as you can see, kirby,

This is a loving, nurturing environment for buck.

A rat, a rat, a rat!

Kill it, kill it, kill it!

London, it's just my pet rat buck.

Ugh, you know, it's bad enough I have to live with you.

Now I have to live with another hairy-legged, buck-toothed creature?

She's just jealous

Because you can find your way out of a maze and she can't.

Now cody the control freak

Would keep poor bucky locked up all day,

Where I would allow him to roam freely around the cabin.

Cody: That is the worst idea I've ever heard.

Yeah, I agree with the dork. That is disgusting.

Cody, this is my evaluation with buck.

- You're not supposed to be here. - Cody: Uh, correction.

I'm not supposed to be in the room, which I'm not.

I'm in the hallway.

You're gonna be in the hospital if you don't get out of here.

Please stop.

I don't like conflict.

- You're a security guard. - You think I wanted this gig?

If I could fit in a tollbooth, I'd have my dream job.

- ( crunches ) - oops!

I crushed him.

What?! Oh, that's it.

I'm breaking down this door. Daddy's coming, bucky!

Where's buck and how bad is he crushed?

Right here, and not at all.

Then who was crushed?

Mr. Gingerbread.

Cody: Now, kirby, you're about to see why my cabin

Would make a far safer and happier home for buck.

Compelling argument. I am moved. Give the rat to cody.

What are you even doing here, london?

Trying to make sure that filthy rat doesn't move into my cabin.

Rats are not filthy.

That's a vicious stereotype spread by cats and pied pipers.

Now research has shown that daily mental stimulation

Helps keep rats healthy and happy.

So it's... Time for math.

It's time to go.

Now, buck, to calculate the volume of a cylinder,

- You take the height-- - okay, come on.

When is buck gonna need to calculate the volume of a cylinder?

I don't know.

Only every time his careless mother

I'm gonna look over there. Only every time his careless mother

I'm gonna look over there.

Forgets to refill his drip bottle I'm gonna look over there.

Forgets to refill his drip bottle