Norsemen (Vikingane)

I cannot stress strong enough how important it is,

but a luscious head of hair.

Yeah, totally agree.

My hair is my pride and my delight.

What will I be without it?

It's hard to say, hard to say.

A man's hair says everything about his personality.

A bald man...

is like a blank rune stick.

Zero content...

no credibility.

Yes, yes.

Men with a full head of hair

simply have more options when it comes to...

cultivating their appearance.

You're not exactly tied to one style

as you kind of are when you're bald.

You're right.

Hi!

My beautiful darling.

I couldn't have dreamt of a better wife.

I couldn't have dreamt of a better husband.

- But we need to get going. - Yeah.

We wouldn't want to be late for Jarl Bjørn's feast,

when you're the guest of honor.

- How is my hairdo? - Absolutely perfect.

- Well groomed, Hund. - Thank you.

And please make sure that the brushes are ready when I return.

- Of course. - So we can explore some new hairstyles.

- Of course. - Good.

- Have a nice trip. - Bye-bye.

Varg.

Finally, you are here.

My very best friend.

Reidun, as beautiful as ever.

Bjørn, the man I value the most.

Likewise.

We are soulmates who have known each other since we were suckling babies.

And we share a philosophy of life and sense of humor.

And we can speak confidentially about ups and downs in our lives.

And we respect each other's peculiarities,

and we dare to be vulnerable to each other.

That we do, Varg, that we do.

And you...

You have been an invaluable support in phases of my life,

when things have not been that easy.

If everyone had a best friend like Jarl Varg,

the world would be a better place, guaranteed.

Skål!

Looks to me like you're getting a bit thin up top, Varg.

Say what?

I said, it looks to me like you're getting a bit thin up top.

- Right. - Don't say that.

Varg's mane is his pride and joy.

Mane?

Well, congratulations. You have the thinnest mane in Midgard.

Thinnest mane in Midgard? That's funny. That's very funny.

- Very funny, actually. - No. Sorry, we shouldn't laugh.

You look just as lovely with thinning hair.

Maybe even lovelier. Hair loss actually becomes you.

Absolutely. I'm sorry if I--

It was not my intention to make fun of your hair.

I know that hair loss can be an emotional burden.

I may have gone over the line there.

- I hope you can forgive me. - I forgive you, of course.

You are already forgiven. No problem at all.

- My best friend. - My best friend.

Let's eat!

This way. Come on.

Halt!

Up! Up!

Shut your mouth!

Looks to me like you're getting a bit thin up top.

You look just as lovely with thinning hair.

Well, congratulations. You have the thinnest mane in Midgard.

Jarl. What is it?

Are you still mad about the hair comments?

No. No, no, no.

No, it's, um... it's um...

There's always some tolerance between good old friends.

Yeah. Good. I feel guilty for laughing.

No, no, please, please.

Laughter is nothing but a spontaneous emotional outburst.

- Yeah. - Something you just...

can't control.

- Okay. I'm sorry. - It's okay.

- Okay. - It's okay.

I... I... I think it's a little bit cold in here.

I think the temperature is fine.

Oh, I think I just want it much warmer, I guess.

- Actually, I really want it much warmer. - Okay.

Just sit, I'll take care of it.

- Okay. - Yes, I'll do that.

I'll take care of it.

The shitting log system is based on mutual trust.

While seated there, your body's most private parts are on display.

And it's everyone's responsibility to stay away.

Yesterday, we had an incident,

where the shitting log stalker was more daring than ever.

- Oddvar. - Yes, I'm sitting on the...

On the shitting log, minding my own business.

And suddenly, a hand shoots out of the ground

and starts caressing my scrotum.

In a perfect world, we would have stalls

where we could sit in peace, shielded from view.

But unfortunately, we're not quite there yet.

Orm.

Get up here.

It's very important that the chieftain's family stand together, showing disgust.

- Yeah? - Mm.

Yes. First, I would like to say that my thoughts go to Oddvar

and, his family.

- Thank you very much. - Mm.

But I feel, perhaps, that she has received her punishment now,

for something that I perhaps would just call an innocent prank.

This is not a prank.

This is assault.

The thought of her staring straight into my brown eye,

that's traumatic.

- Yes, yes. - It will take a lot of work

- for me to get over this, guaranteed. - Sure, yes.

But, we know nothing of her motivation.

Maybe she's just doing this because she lacks other ways to vent.

Orm--

No, but maybe she's been left out her entire life.

Maybe she's been excluded from this and that, and...

you know, so that sneaking around the toilet pole

is her way of achieving some sort of intimacy and nearness.

But what do I know about this? I know nothing of this,

so it's pure guesswork on my end.

- Yes. - Hypothesis.

Thank you, Orm, for that contribution.

But trust has been violated in such a villainous manner

that we have no other option than sending the shitting log stalker

- to Helheim... - No!

- ...where shitting log stalkers belong. - No!

Wait! Wait!

You've been tricked.?

I'll tell you who the shitting log stalker is...

- Yeah? - and it will send shockwaves...

through the whole of Norheim!

It happens to be none other than...

The scrotum voyeur is--

I just lost my patience.

She enjoyed being the center of attention a little too much for my taste.

Varg?

Varg?

Varg?

Varg?

Oi!

- Huh? - Nothing.

Your eye looks perfectly fine.

How was the feast?

Looks like it got a little out of hand.

Take me home.

Where is Reidun?

- Huh? - Your wife, Reidun.

Is she coming home with us?

Just take me home.

Come on, everyone together now.

Food?

It's genitalian today.

And what do we say?

- Thank you. Thank you so much. - Thank you.

Exactly.

I don't mind a few maggots in the bread, but...

what is that aftertaste?

- He said it was, um... genitalian. - Mm.

So, I guess it's an aftertaste of unwashed genitalia.

Why does he even bother?

Puns, the lowest form of humor.

I think he's just testing us.

To see if we'll complain.

But I refuse to break down.

I shall persist...

in this miserable life. The only think keeping me up...

is you.

We shall toil and sweat,

and one day the Vikings will realize that we are a hardworking family

that deserve our freedom.

Hear! Hear!