Cold Souls

Well, you see, I'm a madman.

So I'm not responsible.

I can say whatever I wish.

You're not mad, you know. You're a fool.

What am I gonna do?

Nothing.

Give me something!

My God, man! I'm 47 years old.

If I live to be 60, I'd have to live through another 13 years.

How can I do that?

How can I stand that?

Don't you see? I-- I have nothing to do with those years.

You see? Nothing.

I--

I mean, if I could just live what is left in a different way--

Just wake up on a quiet morning...

and feel that this,

this is a new day.

Forget the past. Gone. Blown away.

Begin a new life--

Ah. I-- I can't do this anymore.

You wanna take a break, Paul? Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Let's take a break.

What's going on, Paul?

I-- I have this throb in my stomach.

I have a pain in my chest, like somebody...

put my heart in a vice and just tightened it.

You're taking it way too seriously. It's not a tragedy.

What happened to your sense of humor, for Chrissake?

Hey, Paul, it's Max.

Listen. Um, did you give Autumn a look?

Uh, Jane says that they can't wait past Friday. They gotta know.

It conflicts with Vanya, but they'll go pay-or-play right away in, uh--

you know, at your rate.

Um, listen. I know you've-- you've poured your soul into Vanya,

but I can get you out of it in a heartbeat.

And-- Oh, speaking of souls,

you gotta check out this week's New Yorker.

It's the answer to your nightmares.

Um, so give Claire my love when she gets back.

- I'll talk to you later. Bye. -

All passengers on Flight S-315,

arriving from Saint Petersburg and Moscow,

please proceed to the lower baggage claim level once you have--

"Olga Spatova Vassile"--

Spatova Vassilevna.

That's it? Do you have a nickname?

Put your right index finger on the mark, please, and look into the camera.

What's the purpose of the visit? Surgery.

Next. They don't have good doctors in Russia?

Not for the heart.

"Unburdening Made Easy."

"Are New Yorkers tired of carrying their souls?"

"Mini Storage, Pet Storage, Private Storage, Self Storage--

"Soul Storage.

"Is your soul weighing you down?

Store it."

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Welcome to the Soul Storage.

Your privacy is always guaranteed.

Our hours are 9:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. Monday through Friday.

We're conveniently located on Roosevelt Island.

Press "1" for our special holiday offer.

Press "2" if you're an existing customer.

Thank you for your interest in Soul Storage.

Cut the rabbit into eight pieces.

Good Morning.

Um, the Soul Storage?

- Uh, yes, sir. Fourth floor. - Fourth floor.

Uh, sign here, please.

Tie the legs with string and rub the breast with butter.

[ Woman In Distance, Indistinct ]

"Do you feel lonely? Are you living in the past?

Do you lose your temper easily?"

Hi, Nina.

This is for January.

Do you have some aspirin? Yeah.

I'll let him know you're here.

Thank you.

Dr. Flintstein, Nina's here.

- Mr. Giamatti? -

Hello? The Soul Storage.

Yes, we do have discounts for couples.

So, how did you hear about us?

Uh-- Well, my agent mentioned something about it.

And, uh, uh-- I read the article in The New Yorker.

I wasn't quite sure about the services provided.

People come here and--

Well, they all want to know if the soul is immortal and how it functions.

- And we haven't a clue. -

No clue. We only offer the possibility...

to "de-soul" the body or disembody the soul.

You can see it either way.

You can also take a look on the inside...

before we store it.

Look on the inside-- Um, um-- Oh! No. I don't--

I don't want to look on the inside.

It's entirely up to you.

Now, your soul will be stored here,

or, if you'd rather avoid sales tax,

it can be shipped to our New Jersey warehouse.

Uh, no. God, no. I don't want my soul shipped to New Jersey. No.

I understand.

What exactly is bothering you?

Well, uh,

I, uh-- I've been working on a Chekhov play, Uncle Vanya--

I've seen that play. Oh.

- It's so-- It's so Russian. -

What do you mean, Russian? Well, you know.

The characters are so unlikable.

Especially Vanya. He's so full of-- of self-pity.

Just my take on it, and I'm certainly not a specialist. Nut?

What?

No. No. I'm-- I'm good, thank you. Ah.

Shall we get back to our problem? Yeah.

I-- Uh, you know, I guess I'm not really sure how to put it.

Um, I-- I guess that I have reached a point...

where I feel like I can no longer...

separate myself, uh, from the character.

Uh,

I feel stuck.

And, uh, I don't know what to do.

I'm not even sure there is a solution to it, frankly.

Yes. Well, that's a-- that's--

It's-- It's an elephant.

Yes, it is.

- Yes. - Now, have you ever visited the circus...

and seen one of these creatures standing quietly while tied to a small wooden stick?

Uh-huh. You see, when the elephant is young and relatively weak,

it is tied to an immovable stick.

So later, no matter how large and strong he becomes,

he continues to believe that he cannot free himself.

All right. Right. Many intelligent people are like circus elephants.

They never question their self-imposed limitations.

And the soul can become just such a stick.

They need to break the chains.

Okay. I understand all of that, Dr. Flintstein.

Um, but I think that my situation is a little more complex.

Well, when you have a tumor, you get rid of it.

A twisted soul is like a tumor. It's better to get rid of it.

I don't think that my soul is twisted, Doctor.

Uh-- Twisted?

It's-- I-- I just want to be able to do the play.

That's exactly what we're offering you.

No. No. No. I'm sor-- I'm sorry.

This is-- This is-- This is insane.

Uh--

What about my-- What about my family? What about my wife?

This is not about your family, is it?

This is about you.

Happiness is not about making the people around you believe that you're happy.

I don't need to be happy.

I just don't want to suffer.

Do you honestly believe that it's enough...

to just live and not suffer?

Everyone wants to be happy.

And I'm sure you're no exception.

You noticing the colors? Yeah. Yeah.

Surprising, isn't it? We imagine the soul in bright colors,

but they mostly come in dark tones:

blacks, browns, grays--

Lots of grays actually. Mmm.

Some of these are celebrities. Oh!

Whose soul is that? Well, the identity is confidential of course,

but I believe this one had a melanoma.

Jesus Christ. How did we get to this point?

Progress. Triumph of the mind.

Believe me, when you get rid of the soul,

everything makes so much more sense.

Everything becomes--

well, functional and purposeful.

All right. All right.

Ah, thank you.

Oh, no. No, no, no. No, thank you.

No, Stephanie. He'd prefer not to take a look on the inside.

Just a plain extraction.

How we feeling? Oh, fine.

- Good. Now just relax. - Okay.

Breathe normally.

Your consciousness will not be affected.

You'll keep everything useful to the proper functioning of your mind.

Okay.

All right. Here we go.

How does it feel?

Awesome. It just is.

Can you describe the difference?

Honestly I don't feel much difference. And I have so much energy.

How long do you intend to remain soulless?

As long as possible.

As you can see, soul extraction is 100% safe, effective and discreet.

- Experience the prime of your life again. - How do you feel?

Uh, I can't tell.

Have you seen it? No, not yet.

Aren't you curious? This is so exciting for us. You know, our souls will be stored together.

Mr. Giamatti.

- Oh, eh-- - You can safely leave it here for the moment.