Jules

I call this meeting of the Boonton, Pennsylvania City Council to order.

Please stand.

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America

and to the Republic for which it stands.

First item on the agenda,

an update to the construction of the baseball field on Juniper Street.

With us is Steve Gorham, general contractor.

As promised, we will not be needing an extension on construction.

We'll finish by November 1,

within the period furnished by our previous extension.

What lies ahead is electrical,

plumbing, not including exterior bathrooms, which were...

There's always gonna be some congestion...

...we'll divide it into four subsections.

We now move to the next part of the meeting,

which is open public comments.

The council will hear comments, but is not expected to respond.

Please remember to limit your comments to one and a half minutes.

I think that we ought to change our town slogan.

"A Great Place To Call Home" is confusing

because when somebody hears it,

it can mean that it's a great place to call your home on the telephone.

I suggest a clearer motto, like "A Great Place To Refer To As Home."

Though, it doesn't have to be that.

We need a crosswalk on Trent Avenue between Frost and Allegheny.

It's a very long distance to walk

when you're in the middle, and you need to cross,

and you either need to get to Frost or Allegheny.

It encourages jaywalking, and jaywalking is an expensive ticket.

I know 'cause I've gotten three.

Not to mention a great way to get you killed.

Thank you.

This is the second major glacier collapse in a week...

All right, Dad, I'm ready for you.

...can expect to see happening in other parts of the world?

Okay.

Here.

Your gas bill, your phone bill, and your Medicare supplement,

in case you're interested.

Hm?

Have you heard from Tim?

No.

It costs a lot to make a long-distance call,

so I understand.

Okay. Well, I have to use the girls' room before I go.

Dad?

I found this in the bathroom cabinet.

Oh...

Any idea why you put it there?

I must've just gotten confused.

Maybe the kitchen cabinets were full.

There's plenty of space in them.

I must have been distracted.

- Are you feeling okay, Dad? - Yeah.

You think that maybe you should go get a checkup

to see how you're doing?

- I don't need a checkup. - It can't hurt, right?

I don't need it.

Well, I'm late for work.

But you let me know if there's anything else you need.

All right.

All right, yeah. Okay, well, we're gonna take a call now.

What's that mean?

We swabbed the area around his neck to check for DNA.

Would you care to give us a sample for comparison?

Oh, my.

Oh, my.

911 operator, what is your emergency?

There is a spaceship that's crashed in my backyard.

And it has crushed my azaleas.

- A spaceship? - Yes.

Sir, placing prank calls to 911 emergency services is a felony.

It's not a prank.

A spaceship has crashed in my backyard, and it has crushed my azaleas.

Sir, please try lying down and go back to sleep.

- - I'm wide awake.

Hello?

Hello? Hello?

Denise is unavailable.

- The voicemail is full... -

I have been talking to you about pickleball

for the past four years,

and you haven't done nothing about it.

Pickleball is a fantastic sport

for those of us whose knees aren't agile enough

to get us across the tennis court.

Who's filibustering pickleball?

Is that you, Wu?

The new cold-storage facility near the highway

is going to give our businesses a marvelous way

to store their perishable goods.

But it also gives us another thing.

A giant wall.

I wonder if this council would consider

commissioning a muralist to add a little magic

to what will already be a valuable building.

I think we ought to change our town slogan.

"A Great Place To Call Home" is confusing

because when somebody hears it,

it can mean that it's a great place to call your home on the telephone.

I suggest a clearer motto, like "A Great Place To Refer To As Home."

Though, um, it doesn't have to be that.

We need a crosswalk on Trent Avenue, between Frost and Allegheny...

Denise is unavailable.

The voicemail is full.

Yeah? Hi, Denise.

I called you a few nights ago because

a spaceship had crashed in my backyard.

Well, now,

a spaceman has come out of the ship and he's lying on my patio.

I'm scared.

I don't know what to do.

Anyway... call me.

How are you, Milton?

Well, I'll tell you.

I've... I've got a real situation.

I call this meeting of the Boonton City Council to order.

Esteemed council members,

I am delighted to speak to you tonight about elderly-youth connections.

I hope, eventually, to collaborate with this board on this project,

but in the meantime, I am launching a pilot project.

I will be placing these posters around town

in order to connect with a young person

who would like to learn from me, and I from them.

I will keep you updated on this exciting project.

Thank you.

We should change the town motto to something clearer

because "A Great Place To Call Home" can mean you're calling home.

I feel there needs to be a crosswalk

on Trent Avenue between Frost and Allegheny.

I feel it is too far between Frost and Allegheny,

and it encourages people to jaywalk and they can die.

Also, a UFO has crashed in my backyard

and has taken out my azaleas and has destroyed my bird bath.

- Did you just say "UFO"? - Yes.

It has crashed in my backyard,

and taken out my azaleas, and destroyed my bird bath.

You should not talk like that.

When you talk like that, it makes them all take us less seriously.

But it's true, a spaceship crashed in my backyard

and crushed my azaleas.

I'm dead serious. You should not talk like that.

It is not good.

What should I do, not tell anybody?

Good night, Joyce. See you next week.

Milton?

- You want a ride? - I can walk.

I can give you a lift. It's no problem at all.

- Is everything okay, Milt? - Yeah.

You feeling well?

Except for this situation with the spaceship.

If there's anything I can do, you let me know.

I suppose.

You take care, Milt.

Oh, my.

It's warmer inside. Do you wanna come inside?

Do you wanna come inside? 'Cause it's warmer in here.

I'm not sure what to do.

This hasn't happened to me before.

- - Shoot!

That was the kettle. Sorry.

I saw you'd finished your water, so maybe you want more.

Looks like I was right.

I brought you a bunch of different things 'cause I wasn't sure what you'd eat.

You liked the apples.

That was the last one.

- Hey, Clarence! - I'm Milt.

Okay. That's a lot of apples.

They're for the alien that's back in my house.

You mean an illegal alien, or...

No. Like, an alien from outer space.

A ship crashed in my backyard a couple nights ago,

and an alien came crawling out of it,

and so far, the only thing he eats is apples.

Be $11.32.

The government is searching for pieces of a weather satellite

they say disintegrated over Western Pennsylvania.

They ask that anyone who comes across parts of the fallen device not touch it.

During the time you were incarcerated,

you were also receiving disability.

Yes.

Here in McKinley...

I'm sorry.

I'm just...