Drunk Wedding

Yeah. Hi, my name's Phil and I'm a filmmaker,

and I just bought your camera.

And I think it's broken, to tell you the truth, 'cause it's...

What exactly is the problem?

Well, there's no picture, okay, bud?

It's just... I'm just seeing black.

These buttons don't seem to be doing anything, you know?

Sir, did you remove the lens cap?

Did that fix if?

No. Thanks, though, it's... I'll figure it out.

Hi. My name's Phil.

I live here with my wife Daphne. She's a great gal.

Daphne's little sister, Elissa...

Hot. She's getting married to this great guy named Jon.

Jon, man, you're marrying my wife's sister,

which makes us brothers.

They're doing a destination wedding.

That means, you go somewhere and you get married.

And they're going to Nicaragua,

which means they're going to Nicaragua.

I thought, "Hey, let's get a whole mess of cameras",

"send them to, you know, out to all the friends"

"and just have 'em film all the craziness we get into."

Put it all together in, like,

a nice little wedding video for the guys 'cause...

- Phil? - They're both special to me.

- That's Daph. - Hey!

Where are you?

- Hey- - Hey-

- Hey. How are you? - What's going on?

- What's that? A camera? - Yes, isn't that cool?

Where'd you get a camera?

I got a camera at Best Buy, where electronics are sold.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

How did the interview go?

Well, I got a camera.

So you got the job?

They're gonna... It's on file.

Why did you buy a ton of cameras today?

I told you, I wanted to do a Jon and Elissa video.

I'm gonna make them an epic wedding video...

No, you're not. No, you're not.

- I'm returning these. - ...with the cameras.

- I'm returning them. - Hey, no, you're not, 'cause I...

I threw out all the boxes, and there are only receipts.

Okay, well, I'll sell 'em on Craigslist, then.

Baby, don't do that!

What's up, everyone?

Johnny and I, we've been boys ever since we were roommates in college.

You getting married, brother. I love you.

Sarah here with my fantastic boyfriend, Ivan.

I can't believe you're actually getting married.

- Have you seen my passport? - No, I haven't.

They live eight blocks away,

but they have to get married in Central America.

- Baby? - Yeah?

Who's making the trip to Nicaragua?

- Fancy shirt. - Yeah.

We're gonna have a good time this weekend, aren't we?

Yeah, yeah.

You've got, like, yogurt.

Tammy!

- Hey! What's up, dude? - How you doin', man?

- It's been a long time, look at you. - Give me a hug.

It's so good to see you.

I am tearing that ass apart this weekend.

Okay, it's rolling. Get out here.

Yeah, baby.

- Come on. - Is that good?

It's... Yeah.

- We're getting married. - I know.

Get on the bed.

- Let's turn the camera off. - No.

Seriously? You wanna make a sex tape?

Yeah, babe.

- You're... - So cute...

Sorry.

That was really hard!

I'm a slut.

You're a slut.

You're such a big slut right now.

I am. Don't laugh at me.

- I am marrying a slut. - You are.

You ready to meet my oldest and best friend in the whole world?

Hell, yeah.

Oh, my God, it's incredible here.

Oh, my God.

What are you doing?

It's a wedding! It's a wedding!

- Oh, my God! - What the fuck, dude!

We are getting married!

- Are you naked? - Come on, Linc.

- Are you naked? - Get the fuck out.

I'm gonna kill you!

- Man, it's good to see you. - Get off!

- Dude, I've got a boner. - I know. I can feel it.

I couldn't wait any longer.

You fucking sick bastard.

- Hi, Maggie. - Hi.

Hi, I'm sorry about this.

I mean, we're used to it with Linc.

Wait, what flight did you get in?

We didn't fly. I drove.

Down through Texas, crossed the border at Ciudad Juérez.

Dude, you drove to Nicaragua?

Yeah, been on the road three weeks.

I didn't have money.

I didn't have 800 bucks to spend on a plane ticket.

- I'm not gonna miss your wedding. - I love you, man.

Hey!

Boss!

So you and Jon have known each other a long time, yeah?

Long time. Since our tween years, right?

But you're meeting these other guys, like, for the first time, like me?

- Like these guys? - There he is!

- What's up? - Hi.

- Yeah! - What's on?

We all know what happens when this guy's around.

Yeah, we've ripped it before, spring breaks, ski trips.

Shit's gotta get weird this weekend.

I want you on lock, Linc.

Here's the key, my man.

Totally. Yeah, take my key, too, man.

Hey!

- Everybody take a shot. - One shot for me.

- I'm getting married tomorrow. - Yes.

You are.

Yes, Nicaragua.

The thing about this group of friends is, we were kids together, you know?

And now you guys are the first ones in the group to get married.

That's like a wake-up call. We're adults now.

Look at that hot little boy.

I wanna sit on his face.

- Yup. - Maybe.

We met on the way down at a bar in Las Cruces.

Yeah, you got so charming after the shot of mescal.

So are you, like, together now?

- Sort of. - Yeah, it's a flexible situation.

Well, I'm a monogamous, so hands off.

Okay-

Look at those pretty Bloom sisters together.

- Hi. - Hey.

Six blessed years.

- Six years? - We've been together for six years.

Gee, that's two years longer than Jon and Elissa, right?

They're getting married.

Thanks for your observation, Phil.

Well, hello, tiny dancer.

- You liking it? - Let's see. Turn around.

Hold me closer, Cal.

You look amazing.

Runner up, Miss Cuba.

Gotta love it.

- You have no bulge. - This is perfect.

It's not a vagina, guys.

- My man, you know what? - It's a...

Yeah!

Poor Ivan.

- I'm gonna party! - Oh, my God.

Honey, where's your phone?

It's in my collar pocket.

- Stupid move. - Well, I didn't do it on purpose, Daphne.

Jon, seriously,

how did this strange person beat me out for best man?

- Really? Really? - You never had a chance!

I had a lunchbox in middle school with Beavis on it.

It is a spitting image of this guy right here.

Do it, do it.

It's really good.

Yeah, yeah, it's... Oh, yeah.

Baby, they're here, they're here!

Hey!

- Mrs. Carr. Mrs. Carr? - Hi.

Good.

Right there.

- Mr. Bloom, it's amazing, sir! - It's gorgeous.

It's fucking paradise.

Let's cut the crap, you guys.

I know you're nothing but trouble.

I know your reputation.

Whenever you guys are around, bad things happen.

I know about Nassau, I know about the motorcycle incident,

- I know about the fire at Sugarbush. - That wasn't our fault.

I saw the police report, Linc.

You know, Elissa's my little princess.

- She's great. Beautiful girl. - Fell from heaven.

And this Wedding's gonna be perfect.

And I don't want you jackasses to do anything to ruin it.

Mr. Bloom?

He got nicer.

- We're home, boys. - What?

This is what I'm talking about.

This is crazy stuff.

- That is so... - You know what? Stop it.

- No, no. - Stop it.

- We are staying here. - I know.

- Oh, my God. - That is just not real.

Can I get a minute, and then I'll take these upstairs?

You forgot one of the bags down at reception.

Thanks for doing that, baby.