Saint Clara (Clara Hakedosha)

SAINT CLARA

Based on a Novel By Pavel & Jelena Kohout

The Golda Meir School - 1999

Fuckers!

Libby, hide the orange pills! The dogs are coming!

If you talk you go to the hospital, understand?

Not a word to the teacher or the principal.

There's clarity in the confusion.

Something very unusual happened in this class.

For the first time in the history of this school,

maybe even the entire school system,

the whole class.

got a perfect grade on a test.

Amazing!

Twenty four tests and not even one mistake!

Really amazing!

All perfect! But that's not all.

Every question was solved in exactly the same way.

Quite a system of telepathy.

That's how Galit Biron,

whose grade average is 37,

wound up thinking exactly like Eleanor Galash,

whose grade average is 97!

-Asshole! -Strange, huh?

Now,

There's a big difference between clever cheating,

and organized crime.

But you need brains even to cheat.

If you had any brains,

some would have gotten a better grade,

and some a worse grade. But all perfect scores!

A dead giveaway!

Ladies and gentlemen, this is an act of revolt.

And in every revolt,

there's a leader and there's the mob.

The mob of wild, smelly pigs!

Let the pig who thinks he's Napoleon

stand up now and confess!

Bilizovsky!!

First of all,

Take a green pill.

A green one relaxes you like two orange.

They can drop an elephant.

The whole class is on orange pills,

but we leaders can treat ourselves to a green

before the interrogation.

Galash!

Mademoiselle Eleanor Galash.

You're the only one capable of solving all 1,000 math problems

no matter which he decides to give on the test.

So you want me to hang myself at recess,

with a note in my mouth saying: "I'm not a traitor".

As the principal, I understand your problem.

The usual problem of geniuses.

I know you're a lonely girl.

You could easily be used to solve math problems,

just to become popular.

You're right.

And I'm shocked at the way men your age look at me,

but what's that got to do with the test?

Relax, OK?

I'm only trying to stay informed about my students.

That's all.

In every crime, there's a number 1 and a number 2.

Number one is the brain,

and number two is the slave

the one who gets punished while number one goes free.

And why are number twos interrogated?

Because soon they'll inherit the number 1 spot.

A natural mistake of number twos.

They're interrogated because they're weak.

Understand, Monsieur Rosenthal?

Number twos subconsciously resent the leader.

I understand you think I'm number two,

and that I'm filled with resentment,

but you've got nothing on me.

You're not only depressive, you're stupid too.

If you had half a brain,

you'd know you'll be sold out anyway.

But I see you want to stay number two forever.

Fine with me.

Just...

Just one thing.

Who's the swamp pig

who blackmailed Eleanor Galash?

I want to tell you about a dream I had.

I'm in a bob sled,

sliding down the snow at amazing speed.

And who do you think is sitting with me?

Edith Piaf.

She's sitting with me.

Edith Piaf.

Who is she, sir?

She's not relevant to the story.

Ask your father.

And while sliding,

she's singing "Je Ne Regrette Rien."

And I hold her and feel her holiness flow into my heart.

People on the sidelines hand us cups of tea,

like in a marathon.

But we can't stop the sled.

I can't find the brakes.

See how this connects to you?

Ever been in love, Tikel?

At your age, I was madly in love with a girl.

I did really stupid things to impress her.

Do you know what she does today?

Postal clerk.

Sticking stamps on packages with her ass.

Doesn't matter.

People sometimes make mistakes out of blindness.

But everyone returns to his natural place.

Like salmons,

Like salmons,

that return to the exact place where they were spawned,

after swimming around the North Sea

for four years and two months.

Now confess your pathetic attempt at a revolt.

Confess now!

Listen,

I don't know what the others said,

but I didn't copy any exams

or organize any revolt.

I solved the problems on the spot, like a genius.

But I'll tell you this much.

As for the salmon analogy,

I think I understood it.

Get out of my office.

Galit Bironi

-Did you take a pill? -No.

We'll cut off your head and drink your blood if you talk.

Clara Chanov!

Would you like to guess who squealed on you?

What took you so long?

I don't have to guess. I know. Galit Biron.

You know! And did she make it all up?

No.

Zvi, allow me.

That doesn't interest me.

I want to know how she got the test questions,

which were locked in your desk.

I did nothing wrong, sir. -Sure.

Zvi, quiet.

We both know you came from some remote dump in Russia,

but you're still quite a smart girl.

I know how things work.

You're just being used,

exploited,

and I'm only here to help you. Understand?

Now, tell me...

How did you get the questions?

Did you give them the questions, yes or no?

-Yes or no? -Yes, sir. I did.

I knew it!

How did you get them?

They jumped into my head.

What?

-Jumped into my head. -Jumped into your head?

Jumped into your head? Interesting.

The test questions just jumped into my head.

Mounitz said the questions would be from the book.

So I opened the book and the questions jumped out at me.

This lovely building behind me,

is a nuclear plant.

Only a thin aluminum valve stands between this plant

and a leak that could kill thousands.

This is Charlv,

who warms your legs on winter nights.

Two days after the leak,

he’ll look like a mouse.

Dad, do you think it's possible to predict the future?

Dad?

The past is more interesting then the future.

A girl in my class can predict the future.

-Who? -You don't know her.

A weird, Russian girl with purple eyes.

You've never talked about girls at home.

You know,

At your age, I only thought about boys.

I would lie in bed for hours thinking about them.

I wonder what people think about me.

Especially the criminals whose asses I have to kick,

who don't think they're guilty.

What are they thinking when I slap them at 120 mph?

What are they thinking?

What's that girl's name?

Clara. Her name's Clara.

I'm going nuts here. I'm going to call Rosy.

And for the little children with the orange raincoats .

Your kids will play on the radioactive ground,

wearing orange raincoats,

when the nuclear cloud falls.

It's a dead night.

Why's this place called the Monroe Seismographic Institute?

Marilyn Monroe. Don't you know?

She was Richter's whore. The guy who measured earthquakes.

When there's an earthquake,

the scientists are really happy.

The seismograph draws Marilyn Monroe naked,

and they determine the size of the quake by the size of her tits.