Super High Me

WE GOT ONE PATIENT READY TO COME UP.

JUST STEP THAT WAY TO THE DISPENSARY.

THANKS.

HOW YOU DOING?

GOOD. HOW YOU DOING?

PRETTY GOOD. WELCOME TO THE HEALTH CENTER.

THANKS.

NICE TO BE HERE.

SO, LIKE, HOW DO YOU--

HOW WOULD I EVEN BEGIN TO DECIDE

WHICH KIND TO CHOOSE?

IT DEPENDS ON YOUR LEVEL OF TOLERANCE.

IF YOU'RE A FIRST-TIME PATIENT, YOU'VE NEVER TRIED IT BEFORE,

YOU MIGHT WANT TO GO WITH SOMETHING A LITTLE BIT LIGHTER.

IT'LL GIVE YOU MORE, LIKE, OF A BODY HIGH,

JUST A LITTLE SOMETHING

TO GIVE YOU THE FEEL OF HOW IT'S GOING TO BE.

LIKE, THE PURPLES ARE MORE OF A--

LIKE IF YOU HAVE PROBLEMS SLEEPING

AND BACK PAINS AT NIGHT, YOU'RE REAL UNCOMFORTABLE,

THE PURPLES WILL PUT YOU TO SLEEP.

THEY'RE THE REAL STRONG, MORE POTENT ONES,

THAT WITH THE KUSH TOO.

THEY'RE A LITTLE MORE POTENT ONES.

SO THE $45 MIX, THOSE ARE THE ONES

THAT YOU KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO GET THE FEELING OF IT.

I FEEL HIGH JUST THINKING ABOUT ALL THIS.

*

I'M GOING TO BRING OUT YOUR NEXT COMIC NOW.

HE'S VERY FUNNY.

HE'S ON VH1; YOU SEE HIM ON A LOT OF THINGS.

LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR MR. DOUG BENSON.

I SAW THAT MOVIE SUPER SIZE ME WHEN I WAS HIGH.

MISTAKE!

THAT IS FUCKED UP, YOU KNOW,

'CAUSE THE PREMISE OF THAT MOVIE

IS THAT IT'S BAD TO EAT A LOT OF McDONALD'S,

AND I'M SITTING THERE ALL HIGH, LIKE, THINKING,

"OH, I COULD GO FOR A HOT APPLE OR A FRENCHIE AT THIS POINT.

HOOK ME UP, MAN."

AND HE'S JUST GORGING IT ALL ON HIMSELF

AND THEN THROWING UP, AND, OH, IT'S DISGUSTING, THAT MOVIE.

IF THAT'S A MOVIE,

IF EATING McDONALD'S FOR 30 DAYS IS A MOVIE

AND PEOPLE ARE WILLING TO PAY TO SEE IT,

I'VE GOT A MOVIE.

I'M GOING TO SMOKE POT EVERY DAY FOR 30 DAYS,

TRY TO REMEMBER TO FILM IT...

AND MY MOVIE'S GOING TO BE CALLED SUPER HIGH ME

OR BUSINESS AS USUAL.

I HAVEN'T DECIDED YET...

ON THE TITLE.

SO THAT STARTED OUT AS A JOKE IN MY ACT,

AND THEN A FILMMAKER-- I'M USING THE TERM LOOSELY--

SAW ME SAY THAT, AND WE HAD A DISCUSSION,

AND WE'RE REALLY FUCKING DOING IT.

STAND-UP COMEDIAN, NOTED POT SMOKER.

IN FACT, HIGH TIMES MAGAZINE RECENTLY NAMED DOUG

THE NUMBER TWO POT COMIC IN THE COUNTRY.

BUT THAT DOESN'T PUT DOUG BENSON ABOVE THE LAW,

SO HOW CAN THIS BE POSSIBLE?

IN 1996, THE CITIZENS OF CALIFORNIA

PASSED PROPOSITION 215, WHICH ALLOWS PATIENTS

TO USE CANNABIS FOR MEDICAL PURPOSES

IF THEY GET A RECOMMENDATION FROM THEIR DOCTOR.

COMMON USES FOR MEDICAL CANNABIS INCLUDE CHRONIC PAIN, HIV/AIDS,

DEPRESSION, NAUSEA, OR A MEDICAL CONDITION

YOUR DOCTOR THINKS IS APPROPRIATE.

KEEP IN MIND, THE EFFECTS OF MARIJUANA VARY

WITH EVERY USER.

THIS IS THE STORY OF JUST ONE PATIENT,

AND DESPITE YEARS OF MARIJUANA USE,

EVEN THE NUMBER TWO POT COMIC IN THE COUNTRY

HAS NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN

WHEN HE GETS SUPER HIGH.

I'M NOT GETTING HIGH EVERY DAY FOR 30 DAYS YET,

BECAUSE THERE'S A CATCH.

I HAVE TO NOT GET HIGH FOR 30 DAYS

BEFORE GETTING HIGH FOR 30 DAYS

TO SHOW HOW AWFUL IT IS WHEN I CAN'T GET HIGH AT ALL

TO CONTRAST WITH HOW AWESOME

THE NEXT 30 DAYS ARE GOING TO BE.

SO I HAVE TO NOT SMOKE FOR 30 DAYS,

AND THAT'S GOING TO START AT THE BEGINNING OF AUGUST.

* I SHOULD BE ASLEEP,

* BUT I'M AWAKE STILL

*

SO HOW DO YOU FEEL, FIRST DAY?

SO FAR, SO GOOD.

BOY, THAT HAT MADE ME WANT TO GO SMOKE POT.

EVERYTHING REMINDS ME OF POT NOW THAT I CAN'T HAVE IT.

TRAFFIC LIGHTS...

WHEN THEY'RE GREEN.

I'M GOING TO BE HOSPITALIZED, I THINK.

REALLY? I THINK SO.

ARE YOU SAYING THAT TO BE FUNNY,

OR DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT?

I REALLY BELIEVE THAT.

WHY DO YOU BELIEVE YOU'LL BE HOSPITALIZED?

IT'S GOING TO BE NASTY,

SMOKING ALL DAY EVERY DAY FOR 30 DAYS.

I'VE NEVER SMOKED, LIKE, THAT-- I SMOKE A LOT OF POT,

BUT I'VE NEVER, LIKE, DAY AND NIGHT FOR EVERY DAY

FOR 30 DAYS.

SO I'M A LITTLE SCARED.

BUT HOW AWESOME WOULD IT BE IF IT FUCKING KILLED ME?

THAT SPURLOCK MOVIE'D BE THE BEST MOVIE EVER MADE

IF HE JUST DIED AT ONE POINT DURING IT...

FUCKING GRIZZLY MAN STYLE.

SUPPOSEDLY,

YOUR DEPRESSION IS GOING TO KICK IN TODAY,

IF IT'S GOING TO KICK IN.

SO THEY SAID, TAKE THIS TEST.

RIGHT, BUT, LIKE-- THE ONLY ANSWER I CAN GIVE

IS RARELY--

WELL, NO, BUT YOU WOULD EXAMINE--

'CAUSE IT'S ONLY BEEN ONE DAY.

THAT'S OKAY.

BUT YOU'RE ALSO-- IT'S HOW YOU FELT

OVER THE PAST WEEK, EVEN THOUGH YOU WERE SMOKING.

RIGHT? AND NOW WE'RE GOING TO GO,

AND WE'RE GOING TO TAKE THE SAME TEST

IN ANOTHER WEEK,

AND THAT'LL BE WHEN YOU'RE NOT SMOKING.

I JUST DON'T--I'M NOT--

I'M NOT ON BOARD WITH THIS ONE,

'CAUSE I SPENT THE LAST WEEK SOME DAYS SMOKING,

SOME DAYS NOT, AND I BARELY REMEMBER--

THIS IS ABOUT DEPRESSION.

SO THIS IS DAY TWO,

AND I'M DOING GREAT.

IT'S--SO FAR, IT'S FUCKING NOT A PROBLEM.

I CAN TOTALLY NOT SMOKE POT FOR TWO DAYS.

I'M JUST WRITING "RARELY" ON EVERY ONE OF THESE.

THAT'S TAKING IT REAL SERIOUSLY.

WELL, I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN--

I SPENT THE WEEKEND

GETTING FUCKING CRAZY HIGH ALL WEEKEND.

I CAN'T REMEMBER--

WELL, DID YOU FEEL FEARFUL AT ALL

DURING THE LAST SEVEN DAYS?

I DON'T REMEMBER.

MAYBE, LIKE IF I SAW A COP COMING

OR SOMETHING OR-- I DON'T KNOW.

DID YOU HAVE ANY CRYING SPELLS?

NO. OKAY.

DID YOU FEEL HOPEFUL ABOUT THE FUTURE?

I MIGHT HAVE.

AND, I MEAN, THESE ARE MOSTLY FEELINGS

THAT I DON'T HAVE EVER.

OVER THE COURSE OF THE TWO 30-DAY PERIODS,

WE'RE GOING TO DO LOTS OF TESTS, YOU KNOW,

LIKE IQ TESTS AND LUNG CAPACITY

AND JUST A BUNCH OF TESTS.

AND ONE OF THEM IS GOING TO BE,

THEY'RE GOING TO CHECK MY SPERM COUNT,

AND BY "THEY," I MEAN I'M HOPING IT'S A DOCTOR.

I HOPE THIS IS NOT A GUY WITH A LOT OF PLASTIC CUPS

THAT HE'S NOT USING.

AND...

THEY'RE GOING TO CHECK MY SPERM COUNT,

AND SO MY FIRST CHECK, SPERM CHECK,

IS COMING UP IN THREE DAYS, ON THURSDAY.

AND THE THING ABOUT GETTING YOUR SPERM CHECKED IS,

YOU CAN'T MASTURBATE OR EJACULATE INTO A LADY FOR--

OR WHATEVER YOUR THING IS-- FOR THREE DAYS.

THREE DAYS, AND IT STARTED TODAY,

THAT I CAN'T--SO I'M, LIKE, SO MUCH MORE UPSET

THAT I CAN'T MASTURBATE FOR THREE DAYS

THAN I CAN'T SMOKE POT FOR 30, YOU KNOW,

BECAUSE I'M NOT LOOKING AT POT ON THE INTERNET EVERY DAY.

THIS WAS ALMOST AS FUNNY AS WHEN YOU'RE HIGH,

HONEST TO GOD.

I CAN TELL, BUT AN UNTRAINED EYE COULDN'T TELL.

BUT I COULD TELL.

IT WAS STILL GOOD, THOUGH.

IT WAS STILL VERY GOOD.

WELL, I'M GLAD YOU STILL LIKED IT.

THE PROHIBITION AGAINST MARIJUANA BEGAN IN 1937.

SINCE THEN, IN ORDER TO OBTAIN YOUR MEDICINE,

YOU HAD TO VISIT A GUY.

BUT WITH THE PASSING OF PROPOSITION 215,

CALIFORNIA CITIZENS ARE ALLOWED TO OPEN UP RETAIL SHOPS

KNOWN AS DISPENSARIES TO LEGALLY SELL CANNABIS

TO QUALIFIED PATIENTS.

TO REPEAT THAT FOR THE STONERS SHOWING UP LATE,

IN CALIFORNIA, YOU CAN LEGALLY BUY POT IN A STORE

LIKE YOU'RE BUYING BEER OR COOKIES.

RIGHT NOW, IT'S JUST A FREE-FOR-ALL.

IT'S THE WILD WEST.

WILD, WILD WEST.

AND I'M JESSE JAMES, I GUESS, RIGHT NOW.

IT'S REALLY STRESSFUL.

ME BEING IN THIS FOR ABOUT A YEAR NOW--

MAN, WHEN I STARTED, THERE WAS, LIKE, FOUR OF US.

RIGHT.

FIRST-TIME PATIENT? COME ON IN.

YEAH, COME ON IN.

HEY, HOW'S IT GOING, CHIEF?

CAN I GET YOUR ID? YES, SIR.