The Office

Okay. Bye.

Everyone stop what you're doing.

I have terrible news.

Dwight is no longer with us.

What?

He's gone, damn it!

He's been promoted to VP of Sabre retail,

and he's staying in Florida forever.

So... He's alive.

Yeah. That was him on the phone.

He sounds wonderful.

Well, the way you said it made it sound like he was dead.

How could I have been more clear?

He had a massive stroke of good fortune

and he is now in a better place.

If Dwight's not coming back,

does that mean we can open his treasure?

Uh...

You guys, we've gone over this.

There is no treasure.

When the team left for Tallahassee,

Dwight told everyone not to touch his treasure.

Don't touch my treasure.

Okay? You understand?

Obviously, he wants us to obsess about it.

There's nothing in there.

Which is obviously what he would want us to think,

making it the perfect place to hide a treasure!

Oh, God, I'm Wallace Shawn

The Princess Bride!

I think that Dwight wanted us to realize

that this conversation among friends

is the true treasure.

That's not Dwight. No.

I am dying to know what's in there.

Yeah, I know, Oscar. We all are.

But nobody's gonna open it. You'd have to be insane.

Hi, hello.

Now carefully open the box.

It's a photo of all of us.

Oh, that's so sweet.

A dart? Are you kidding me?

Who would put a poison dart--

Well, I mean, I don't know that it's poison.

I mean, I just have to imagine. God, I'm glad he's okay though.

Kinda sounds like he deserved it,

opening another man's treasure and all.

Wow!

Well, Mr. Ball, it's been a pleasure.

Now give my regards to hell! Dah!

All right! Well swung, my VIP VP.

I am loving the chemistry between you two.

I am so happy.

Dwight is gonna be working alongside me.

We are a regular Archibald and his man George.

I bet. I'm excited.

Trick! There's no such thing.

It's not even a real English duo.

Ahh!

I just made you look like the Goat of Dover.

And that doesn't exist either.

You think you're excited? You should feel my nipples.

Boing!

Oh, that reminds me. Little something from all of us.

Oh, my gosh.

Thank you, Jim. That's so thoughtful.

Fore!

- Oh, yeah! - He doesn't even care.

Don't even care!

This is the last time I'll ever see Dwight.

It's a weird feeling.

It's, um...

What's the word? It's not bittersweet.

It's, uh...

Sweet.

Yeah.

Hey, man. Selling cookies for Jada.

Want the same as last year?

Would if I could and I can, so I will.

Put me down for one box.

Don't care what it is, dealer's choice.

I'll put you down for shortbreads.

Damn it!

Knock, knock.

Hey, it's Sasha's first year in the troupe,

so I'm selling cookies for her.

- Anyway, would you like some? - No!

- No. - What?

I've been selling here for five years.

This is my spot.

You can't claim territories.

This is the only place I interact with people.

Can't you sell at...

Your church or barbershop?

Or... Chess club?

You know what? It's your first time.

Let's split the office.

You can have sales, the annex, creed.

And I don't know, I'll just take, uh...

- Accounting. - That's it?

Yeah, well, okay. Thanks, Darryl.

Okay. Great.

All I need is Kevin.

Dude buys more cookies than everyone combined,

and then some.

When I first started selling cookies,

he was a relatively thin man.

Not a thin man, mind you. Relatively thin.

Hey, Lucy, I'm home!

Bobaloo!

- Oh, here, let me help. - I got it.

It was so busy at the store today.

Really good cheese samples. I had, like, a hundred.

Irene hired me as her live-in helper.

We met at the store launch.

I told her I was moving here and I needed a place.

And it just sort of made sense.

I basically do everything for her.

I run errands, I do chores around the house,

I cook and clean.

Honestly, I don't know how she survived without me.

When can I introduce you to my grandson?

He's a wonderful swimmer.

Shallow end, deep end. He does it all.

Well, today might be kind of tough, Irene.

I have to talk to my old boss Andy

and tell him I'm staying in Florida.

Oh, what kind of tea is this?

Oh, I boiled some Gatorade.

- Oh. - Ah!

In england, they put the holes

a little bit to the right, you see?

We'll just chalk it up to cultural bias.

If I may...

Try holding the putter...

Here.

With your wrists here,

your thumbs here.

- Oh. - That's right.

Your little finger.

Would you like to buy some cookies?

- Cookies, eh? - Mm-hmm.

It's not a scratch and sniff, Kev.

I know.

But sometimes you still get a little something.

Hey, you tricked me. You just wanted Kevin.

You're new to the game. You learned a lesson today.

- See you next year, sport. - No, no, no. It's not fair.

What if Kevin wants to buy cookies from me?

- I do. - See?

That doesn't mean anything.

Kevin, do you wanna buy cookies from me?

Oh, I definitely do.

Huh. Hit the road, Jack.

No, you hit the road, Jack.

Hey, guys, come on. Don't fight over me.

Why don't we split the order?

It's only fair.

No, wait, no. I'm buying, I make the rules.

I actually do want you to fight over me.

I wanna be wined and dined and... sixty-nined.

Ugh.

Metaphorically sixty-nined.

Ew! Perverts.

No offense, Oscar.

Hop in. We have places to be.

No rest for the wicked. Ha ha.

All right. So...

I guess this is it.

Well, Jim, I just wanna say

that we haven't always gotten along.

And at times, I've even hated your guts.

But...

Bye-bye. I win.

Good-bye, Dwight.

Robert! Race you to the clubhouse.

Gentlemen's bet. Whoo-hoo!

Well, he's Florida's problem now.

Oh, let Dwight have his fun.

- Today will not be his day. - What's that?

I'm gonna tank the Sabre store

at the presentation to the board.

I thought you liked the store.

The store is lovely.

You created a wonderful space to showcase our product line.

Great job! Cheers.

Thank you.

But there's a reason we sell our products online

and over the phone.

Have you ever used Sabre electronics, Jim?

They're cheap. They're unintuitive.

The Sabre store would work if we adopted the carnival model

of leaving town once everyone's wise to us.

Wow, when you put it that way,

I guess it does sound pretty terrible.

I couldn't just kill the project from the start.

Jo Bennett endorsed it.

Shame, though-- I did like Dwight.

Robert! I'm gonna win!

Ha ha, I'm the gentleman! Suck it!