The Flying Saucer

It's no laughing matter.

The way I feel this morning, I shouldn't be laughing at anything.

Now look Hank, fun's fun, but there's a limit.

You call me up in the middle of the night

and you tell me to grab a plane to Washington,

and now all this malarkey about flying saucers.

Course most of these reports are obvious nonsense.

Brother you said it.

A lot of highly imaginative people, some neurotic, some just plain liars,

all swore they saw the flying saucer.

Well we tracked down every report and cross-examined every witness.

And found out it was all a bunk.

Not all of it, Mike.

Some experts, commercial and Air Force pilots also claim to have seen it.

You're not trying to tell me you really believe there's a flying saucer.

I'm not sure.

There must be a spark of fire somewhere under all that smoke.

Well even if there is one Hank, what good is it?

Well if it's true what the expert witnesses say,

it'll outfly anything we can put in the air.

And it works on a revolutionary principle that we can't even guess at.

Yes Mike, it appears it was designed for one purpose.

To carry the atomic bomb.

Now the first country that learns the secret of the flying saucer

will control the skies of the world.

And I don't want that country to be Russia.

Well if there is such a gadget, how do you

know the Russians aren't the ones who are already flying it around?

Because we have reason to believe they're looking for it too.

One of our undercover agents has been working inside a Communist group

that's been operating around this district.

Juneau, huh?

Used to be quite a town.

It still is.

Our last report from our man said there's some Russian Air Force officers that

slipped into the territory from Siberia.

He heard that they were trying to locate

the flying saucer somewhere near the Taku Glacier.

Russia apparently knows something that we don't.

It certainly is a tip worth investigating.

Don't you agree?

Oh sure, all part of your job I suppose,

but what's this all got to do with me?

Because you're going to do the investigating for us.

Are you nuts or something?

If the whole intelligence service and the

Air Force can't find it, just how do I figure?

'Cause you were born and grew up in Alaska.

Because, my old friend, your father still owns most of the timber,

the goldmines, and the fisheries

in the part of the country we're interested in.

So that qualifies me as a bloodhound huh?

It qualifies you as a native.

Any of our men would be immediately suspected because they're strangers.

What about that guy you already got planted up there?

Well it's just possible that something may have

happened to him since we got his last report.

Now when you get to Alaska...

I'm not going to Alaska.

I'm having too much fun in New York.

Besides, my polo team starts practice tomorrow at Meadowbrook.

A man of distinction, eh?

Good picture of you, Mike.

Very natural.

You're known all over as a sportsman,

a playboy, and a good two-fisted drinker.

So we'll plant it in the Alaska papers that you're

coming home to recuperate from a nervous breakdown.

A nervous breakdown?

I feel fine.

You'll feel even better if you take this job.

Oh look Hank, it just won't work,

so why don't you get yourself another boy?

Mike, I'm not asking you to do this for me.

I'm asking you to do it for the country.

I gave my country five years of my life, that's enough.

How would you feel if tomorrow a flying saucer would drop an atomic bomb

on every key city in the United States?

Would you feel you've done enough?

All right, all right.

Stop waving the flag, I'll go.

But I won't like it.

By the way, I was talking to your father an hour ago on the phone.

He told me to tell you that his yacht will be waiting for you in Seattle.

That the caretaker be instructed to get

the Taku Hunting Lodge ready for you.

So you had it all planned.

Just cutting a few corners to save time.

Well the least you can do Hank is offer me a drink.

When do I leave?

Afternoon plane to Seattle.

Here are your tickets.

You and your nurse.

My nurse?

Look, our story is that you're suffering from a nervous breakdown.

Now for appearances sake, you've got to travel with a nurse.

Look Hank, I can tell you right now I'm not gonna have any nurse.

Send Miss Langley in please.

You wanted me, Mr. Thorn?

Come in, Vee.

My nurse?

Very good idea Hank, I really oughta have a nurse.

I thought you'd agree.

Vee, this is Mr. Trent.

Mike, Miss Langley.

How do you do, Mr. Trent?

Miss Langley's one of our best operatives.

The fact that she's also a trained nurse is quite incidental.

Oh sure, sure, that's great.

I think I'd better take charge of the tickets, Mr. Thorn.

Well how do you like that?

When we reached Seattle, I managed to for about an hour.

Then they got me in tow.

Shanghaid me aboard dad's yacht and we were off to Alaska.

Like the man said, water water everywhere and not a drop to drink.

Three days out, I was getting fed up with the whole business.

"Flying saucers."

So much bunk.

I was beginning to feel a little better

when we were cruising up the inland passage.

I'd almost forgotten there was such a thing

as beautiful scenery outside of a nightclub.

Hey Vee, a whale!

Watch it.

Oh he's gone.

Do you think he'll come back?

If I was him, I wouldn't.

Wasn't long before we reached Juneau.

Quite a town as towns go in Alaska.

None of the store club gang ever got up that far.

I used to have a lot of pals there.

Should look them up for old times' sake.

Hey skipper, pull in here at Juneau.

No, Captain Arday.

We'll go directly to the lodge.

Open up!

Come on, open up!

Skipper wouldn't drop anchor, my keeper put him up to that.

The fact that I let myself into this

little caper didn't help my disposition.

The Taku Glacier and the end of our journey.

The hunting lodge was just across the river.

So long, skipper.

Monsieur Trent?

That's right.

Where's ol' Pierre?

Gone away.

I'm Hans, the new caretaker.

Oh this is beautiful, Mr. Trent.

Yeah.

Just like San Quentin.

Come on, warden.

What happened to ol' Pierre?

I do not know, sir.

I understand he just disappeared.

I'm sorry to hear that.

And my father hired you huh?

That is so, Mr. Trent.

Oh, this is Miss Langley, the doctors thought I needed a nurse.

Oh what a beautiful view.

Did you ever see the Empire State Building in the moonlight?

It's time for you to rest now, Mr. Trent.

Rest?

What I gotta rest from?

Hey Hans.

See any Russian spies around here lately?

Spies?

I don't understand.

Spies, you know, Russian spies.

There's some Russian fisherman down at Taku Village that I know.

But spies?

I don't know nothing about, sir.

See any flying saucers?

Hans, would you please show me to my room?

Take Miss Langley's things upstairs, Hans.

I'll take the room down here.

Hey.

Aren't you afraid to leave me down here to myself?

You know, I might get into mischief.

You already have.

If we knew all the answers, we wouldn't have to be here.

Why don't you calm down?

Tell me about the glacier.

All right.

There it is.

18 million tons of ice.

The great Taku Glacier.

Built by mother nature 100,000 years ago.

How am I doing?

What do you suppose those men are?

Probably salmon fishermen.

This place is driving me nuts.

It's a funny thing, when I was a kid

I used to think it was wonderful up here in the wilds.

It's too bad you had to grow up, it's still wonderful.

You can have it.

Vee, let's take the skipper and go to Juneau.

No, Mr. Trent.

Okay, I'll go alone.

No, Mr. Trent.