Waking Up in Reno

You know, relationships can be a lot like a loaf of bread.

At the beginning, they're hot and fresh,

and you can always get a rise.

But with time, if you don't knead 'em carefully,

they grow old and stale.

Now, I know that life ain't no easy-bake oven.

But with the kids and my husband's job,

it's almost as if we've forgotten to add the yeast.

So I'm hoping this trip to Reno

with our best friends, candy and Roy,

will be just what the doctor ordered.

"F"...

"L"...

"O"...

Can't you see it, Darlene?

No. It's kinda hard to make out.

I think I'm just nervous, doc,

'cause Lonnie Earl and I have got to go on vacation tomorrow,

and I'm just not real good about leavin' home.

Tracy regal, call the operator.

Okay...

All right, baby. Move that sign.

I'm tryin' to sell some cars here.

Hey, Lonnie Earl dodd here. Guess what, folks.

It's time for our annual presidents' day blowout sale,

and I gotta tell you, I'm feelin' rather patriotic.

And I guarantee we won't be undersold by anybody,

and if you can't trust ol' Lonnie Earl dodd,

then you can't trust anybody.

All right now, Darlene, just go ahead

and use one or two of those drops if you feel the need,

especially out there on that old i-40 around the mojave desert.

You just, go on and have yourself a vacation.

Thanks, doc.

Roy?

Hey, Roy!

I got to call candy

and see if she's bringing any nice clothes.

She home? Yeah, yeah.

But, you know, I can't find that husband of yours nowhere.

I've called all over the place...

The dealership, everywhere... And I can't rouse him.

Well, you know Lonnie Earl. He's probably up to no good.

And if you can't trust me, who can you trust?

And remember... if you can't trust me, Lonnie Earl...

Is there a problem?

You're damn right there is!

How come you got to take a shower after?

You feel dirty?

'Cause I sure as hell feel dirty.

My god, Lonnie Earl. We're filthy.

I'm not. I'm zestfully clean.

Shit!

How could you do that to me?!

One minute you're cryin' on my shoulder about Darlene,

the next minute you're bangin' me from behind!

Well, you told me not to look at you.

I got to send a sample over to the lab.

Turn your head and cough.

Don't waste your time worryin' about it, though.

Y'all just go on and enjoy your vacation.

Well, you know, I guess you're right,

'cause I know worryin' about it ain't gonna change nothin',

is it? That's right.

So... what y'all got lined up?

Lonnie Earl's got a bet with ol' bill Moore

that he can eat this giant ol' 72-ounce steak in amarillo.

Horseshit.

Then we're gonna pop up to the Grand Canyon,

'cause Darlene's always wanted to see that.

And, you know what a partier candy is.

She's just lookin' for the night life

and the shows and the gamblin' and all that.

But the big thing is,

we got tickets to the monster truck jam.

Yeah, yeah. That sounds like a big time.

You know, Roy, I could, send the test results

over to candy's folks,

let them know when they come in.

No. No, sir.

I don't want... Them worryin' or nothin',

so I'd like to be the first to know.

Well, all right, then.

I'll just wait to hear from you.

And don't you worry.

I'll bet you that everything's gonna be just fine.

Beautiful emerald...

Do you have to go outside, miss thing?

Come on, sweetie.

Come on.

It's a bird. It's a plane. No, it's Superman!

Lane Aaron dodd, get your ass down from there right now!

But I'm Superman!

Your butt's gonna be super red, if you don't do as I say.

Hey, good-lookin'!

Jesus h. Christ, Roy. Dear.

Don't do that! I'm sorry, darlin'.

God, you almost made me piss on the rug! I'm sorry.

Why are you so jumpy? I just...

What the hell are you doin' here in the middle of the day?

Shouldn't you be at work?

Well, your daddy asked me to run some errands for him,

so I thought I'd just kinda stop by and see if you was ovulatin'.

Well, I don't know if I am or not.

Well, you're dressed like you should be ovulatin'.

What?

Roy, no. Not right now. Come on.

That towel will come off... you should go to work, you know?

Daddy will miss you, and then there'd be a lot of shit,

and he'll get pissed off, and...

Darlin', it ain't possible for him not to get pissed off.

He ain't gonna have no problem with it

if he thinks we're making a grandbaby.

Roy... real quick? Just a little quickie.

I can't do this right now, god damn it.

Very fast? I have...

Sweetheart... I have a ton of shit to do.

I got to pack. We got to leave tomorrow, baby!

Reno!

All... all right.

Candy, wh...

What the hell happened to our wedding picture?

Cat.

Too much catnip, you know?

Murphy? Yes. Baby...

He must've mule-kicked the dang...

I have to tell you somethin'.

Come over here.

What? You ready?

What? Okay.

So I've been thinkin', and...

You know what I really want to do when we get to Reno?

I want to renew our wedding vows.

W-Why? What... what for?

Because it's romantic, Roy.

A lot of people get married where gambling is legal.

Well, one kinda does go with the other, don't it?

Yes, baby. And you know what?

It'd be so great

'cause it would be like a brand-new start for us.

Like... like if either one of us ever did anything in the past

that... that we'd like to change,

it would just be erased.

Like, it won't count no more, okay?

Well... have... have...

Have I done somethin' wrong I don't know about?

I mean, if I d... I-If I did, I'm sorry.

Honey, no. No.

Well... well, what?

No, honey.

It's just something that I really, really want to do.

Picture it...

Reno... With all them bright lights...

And all the action.

Baby, it would be so perfect.

Please. Please, please, please, please, please.

Well, hell, you know,

if it means that much to you, I'm game.

Let's do it.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Tell me. I hate surprises.

Well, just... Just see for yourself.

No. You didn't.

You sure did.

You did. You horn dog, you.

See there? Ain't she a beaut?

Dealer exclusive. Anniversary special.

Boy, this son of a bitch has got everything on it

except electric dick massage.

I can't believe you, Lonnie.

We really gonna take this son of a bitch across country?

Well, hell, yeah, we're gonna take it across the country.

It's got to cost a fortune!

Well, nothing's too good for my friends.

We're gonna be ridin' and stylin' and profilin'.

It smells loud.

That's probably that corinthian leather, is what that is.

I would imagine.

That's real leather?

Well, hell, yeah, it's real leather.

Dang me.

You know what besides that?

I had Jerome unhook the odometer.

Sell the son of a bitch like brand-new when we get back.

See what I'm sayin'?

You're my hero.

Hey, what do you think, Ronnie?

These wheels are sweet.

Yeah, they are, ain't they?

W-w-

you crazy?

Hey, you guys!

Hey, Lonnie Earl, where the hell have you been?

I haven't seen you in days.

Yeah, well, you know, they keep me hoppin'. Yeah.

Lonnie Earl, I got to stop by work on the way out of town.

What are you talkin' about?

Roy got in a little bit of trouble

with daddy again.

He just wants to see him.