Death of a Vlogger

Subtitles by explosiveskull

Hey, guys, Graham here. How's it going?

Today marks the two-year anniversary

since I've been making videos for the internet.

Whoo.

So because of that, I wanted to do something

a little bit different.

So I'm going to tell you two stories.

Two stories that I think sum up

what it's like to make videos for the internet.

And it might get a little abstract,

so please bear with me.

First story is about paratroopers in World War II.

Obviously.

But specifically I'm talking about D-Day.

Now, obviously, there were a lot of

fatalities and, um, casualties that day.

But there was one bizarre and common injury

that was caused

not by the enemy,

but by the perceptions of the soldiers themselves.

You see, a lot of paratroopers missed their targets.

They ended up in ponds or lakes or trees or whatever.

Some of them ended up on rooftops.

Now, think of yourself in that situation,

you land on a rooftop, what would you do?

You'd probably try and climb down into a window

on the upper story and get inside,

just take the stairs downstairs.

Well, what a lot of these paratroopers did...

was they walked up to the edge of the roof...

and just jumped off.

Just multiple stories, straight down to the ground,

breaking their legs or worse.

You see, what was happening was...

they'd just jumped a thousand feet and survived.

So to them, looking down from the roof...

the drop to the ground was nothing.

With just a slight change in their perception...

they'd managed to change an inherent truth...

that if you jump off of a roof, you're going to hurt yourself...

into a fallacy.

That's the first story.

Second story

is a little bit more personal,

and is about my friend Stephen.

So, Stephen's a photographer and a traveler.

He went all around the world,

took photos wherever he went.

And I thought that he should share these online.

So I encouraged him to set up a blog.

He was resistant at first, but ultimately he did it.

And people started following and sharing their opinions on his work.

Some good, some not so good.

This is the internet after all.

And it was around then that things got scary.

He sent me a photo with only this caption:

"Can you see it?"

This is the photo.

Can you see it?

After Stephen insisted that the photo wasn't faked...

he proceeded to send more.

But that wasn't the weirdest thing...

I asked him what he thought was causing it,

or what it was.

And what he said to me really

freaked me out for a long time.

He said, "Can't you see it, Graham?

It's you."

I didn't hear from Stephen for a good while after that.

And it wasn't until a couple of years later

that I bumped into him and I was able to ask him

about the photos,

and whether he was still getting any weird apparitions in them.

And he said to me, it, it was funny.

He hadn't seen anything strange in the photos

since the day that he shut his blog down.

Anyway, that's, uh, that's all from me today.

Sorry it's a bit doom and gloom today.

Um, things will be back to normal next week, um.

Uh, it'll be a bit more upbeat, hopefully.

Um, but, yeah, as always...

what's the worst that could happen?

Where to start?

Hello!

Walkies.

Walkies. Walkies.

Walkies.

Graham...

He's a fud.

I've never met anyone that could

dedicate so much time and energy

to just doing something stupid.

Got any, uh...

- bags for life? - Aye, they'll cost you extra.

- Target's holding, move, move. - F###!

No, no, he pretended he didn't give a shit

what people thought but,

he obviously did.

He would do anything

if he thought it would make people laugh,

or advance his career or his persona or whatever.

When you find yourself hiding a stash...

I don't know if I'd call him obsessed, but...

He was obsessed.

He didn't think things through before he did them.

And a lot of times his ideas were just bad ideas.

And they often failed.

He's an asshole, but he's my asshole.

This is the ice bucket challenge.

I nominate Iain and Barack Obama.

So how did this whole thing start then?

Well...

it was the laser eye surgery video.

Um, obviously...

it wasn't like any of his other videos,

he mostly stuck to

comedy, of course.

But now...

now, I don't really know what to think.

Why?

I just, I can't, I can't watch that video any more.

Why not?

It scares me.

I mean,

I've dramatized it after the fact...

exaggerated a little,

some would say sensationalized.

But, watch the video for yourself,

I'm not going to tell you what the fuck to think.

The video was live streamed,

so once it was done, it was online, and...

...people were scared.

Great, so, that is, you ready now?

Okay, where's the button?

- Um, that one. - Cool, yeah.

And that's going to start the live stream.

- Okay, cool. - Cool.

And the camera's rolling, yeah?

- Yeah. - Okay, cool.

Cool.

- Happy? Okay. - Yes.

Right, I'm going to head out then.

- Um. - Okay.

- I will be 20 minutes or so. - Aye, should be long enough.

Yeah, do you want...

- I'm going to grab party rings. - Nice.

Because we love party rings.

- Beer. - Yeah.

And, yeah.

- That'll probably be it, really. And, yeah... - Awesome.

Just sort of, don't be weird and don't do anything stupid.

- Okay. - Don't take off your bandages.

- Yeah, yeah, okay. - That's really important, the doctor said that.

I know, he said it, like, five times.

I know, well, remember it, it's important.

- Okay, okay. - Okay.

- All right, okay, bye. - Bye, see you.

And hopefully that's us streaming.

I am Graham, welcome to my live stream.

Uh, this was the one that I mentioned on Twitter

that I was going to be doing about the aftermath

of my laser eye surgery,

which I had this afternoon.

Uh,

clearly, it didn't go to plan.

You know, you don't usually come out of laser eye surgery

with a blindfold on, or bandages,

or whatever it is they've put on me.

But, uh, yeah, they made a mistake.

So I am blind for the next 24 hours,

until I can take this off.

They said that if I, uh, take it off too early,

I could get permanent damage.

So I've not to take it off under any circumstances, um,

but that's fine, because Erin's coming back in 15 minutes,

and she's going to look after me

for the rest of the day and,

um, make sure I don't destroy the flat with, you know,

some Mr. Magoo style antics,

just bashing into things and stuff.

Um, but, yeah, I was going to be answering your questions

as they came in, but...

Erin?

Erin?

Oh, Jesus!

Erin.

Erin, are you fucking with me?

Because that's pretty mean.

Erin?

Please tell me you're fucking with me.

Okay, fuck this.

Erin?

I can't see fucking shit here.

Erin?

Oh, my God, what did I just watch?

Actual evidence, finally someone records a ghost sighting

on a camera that didn't go out of production in the '60s.

Hallelujah.

Either this guy staged it,