Blue Mountain State

The Hall of Fame. Whoo! In 24 hours,

my man is gonna be inducted

into the College Football Hall of Fame!

I gotta tell you, sweetheart,

of all the crap that they honored me for this week,

what I'm looking forward to most is tonight.

A nice quiet dinner, just the two of us.

Aw, you've got the Hall of Fame glow, baby.

You know what else has that Hall of Fame glow?

- Thad? - I was gonna say my dick.

Marty, look out!

Are you crazy?

Coach. Thank God you stopped.

There's been a murder at the Goat House.

We got to get there quick.

It's so bad, Coach.

He got Donnie with his claw glove.

I am not lying.

A murder?

I just saw you wink in the mirror.

- He just winked at you. - No.

Did you know anything about this?

No, I don't know anything about this.

Let's just take him home and if he's on something, he can sleep it off.

- Yeah. - We have a reservation in 20 minutes.

What do you wanna do, leave him in the middle of the road?

Hurry, Coach. Let's hope we're not too late to catch the murderer.

Hey. Hey, Thad, come here. Come here.

I'm gonna ask you point blank.

Is there a surprise party waiting for me inside?

Because if there is, there will be a murder.

No.

It's a murderer.

Let's just go inside.

I think he's right in

here!

Surprise!

Aw, surprise, baby.

I'm real sorry I had to scare you so bad

just to get you in here, Coach.

Will you ever forgive me?

Mascot, itinerary, let's hear it.

Got it, got it. 8:50, we got a group hug.

9:00, the glee club performs.

9:15, we got potato sack races.

9:30, we got a dance by the cheerleaders

with a special guest appearance by myself.

10:00, we've got some fire jugglers. And 11:00...

The grand finale,

my 45-minute video tribute to Coach.

If you start that video even one minute late,

I swear I'll dropkick you out of the Goat House and back to the dorms.

Fair enough, fair enough.

Listen, I was wondering if we should play some polkas.

The old guys love... I said no polkas.

Right, but old guys love polkas, so if we play some polkas...

I said we're not doing polkas, mascot!

And relax, buddy. Just have fun with it.

This is hell.

Daniels doesn't waste enough of our time during football practice?

And now we're supposed to give up a perfectly good party night

drooling over him and listening to shitty music.

Oh, I don't know. I kind of like the music and the jazz flutes.

Could have something to do with the acid you took earlier.

I invited twins to this thing,

and this is what they're gonna have to walk into?

- You got twins? - Yeah.

- Can I have one? - Well, if they stick around.

What time is this party over anyway?

Thad said, "Nobody leaves until the sun comes up."

"Whoo-whoo-whoo!"

Oh. Oh, no, he's not.

He is on.

This is great. Good to see you guys.

Hey, Harry, good to see you.

- Thank you, darling. - Here you go.

You having a good time?

Yeah, this is really...

You invited Mickey O'Toole? Are you crazy?

He wasn't on the guest list.

He'd rather see me dead than in the Hall of Fame.

Marty, hey!

Mickey! I'm glad you could make it.

Are you kidding me? My goddamn protege

making it into the Hall of Fame.

Come on, I wouldn't have missed this for a drink.

I'm just surprised because the last time I saw you was at your retirement party.

Early retirement that you forced me into

when you stole my head coaching job.

Wow. Has it been that long, Marty?

We're not gonna have a problem here tonight, are we, Mickey?

Come on. Problem? I'm way over that.

No, I am here as a proud mentor, that's it.

Well, that's great, Mickey.

- You know what? - What?

You look amazing for 80.

Thanks, Debra. You look terrible for 18.

Uh...

Nikki, Kiki, hi.

- What the hell is this shit? - What?

We were promised a legendary rager, Alex.

Oh, well,

the rager is actually gonna be up in my room

starting in about 30 minutes.

So why don't you guys just head upstairs

and I'll be right behind you.

Let's get black-out drunk tonight.

Come here.

I really don't want to.

- Guys, this is Alex Moran. - Hi.

The kid reminds me of Tommy McKean.

You remember Tommy McKean?

Sure do. Laziest son of a bitch I ever met.

Hey, Alex, Coach ever tell you about the time he got punched

in the face by Mick Jagger?

You got punched in the face by Mick Jagger? Why?

'Cause Marty slept with his wife.

What? You slept with Mick Jagger's wife?

It wasn't his wife at the time. They were just dating.

He was just a little guy,

but you went down pretty hard, Marty.

I had to go down.

It was Mick Jagger.

"And finally, Coach Daniels is so strong,"

"he can bench press my frown into a smile."

"And that is why Coach Daniels"

"is the greatest man ever born."

"And now for some fun facts about Coach."

"He likes golf, steaks,"

"and Haggar slacks."

I'm gonna be honest with you. The speech is good.

It's good, but aside from the Haggar slacks,

those facts aren't that fun.

I knew it.

I got to get some better fun facts.

It's 8:30.

- What are you doing just sitting there? - You told me to...

Go take the party up a notch.

Okay, all right.

Marty Daniels, Hall of Famer.

Bringing out the jams.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a night

honoring the greatest coach in the world,

Marty Daniels!

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for,

please welcome to the stage Marty Daniels' ex-wife

and current girlfriend, Debra!

Wow!

Wow!

She's something, huh, Mickey?

Marty, this is the first time in years

I've been able to sustain a boner

for more than 30 seconds.

Suck it in. Let your legs do the talking, Sammy.

Whoo! All right!

So Marty gets drafted by the Vikings.

First thing he does, buys a bright purple Porsche

and invites the Dean's daughters to go for a spin.

What?

The next day, I'm walking across the campus,

and I see the Porsche sitting on the quad on fire.

Turns out the Dean didn't appreciate Marty

turning his teenage daughters on to the art of pole dancing.

That was a long time ago.

Holy shit!

No way!

- Mr. O'Toole? - Yeah.

My speech is coming up. I need some fun facts about Coach

and I need them now.

You got someplace to go that's quiet?

You bet your sweet ass.

All right.

Hey, Coach.

You're missing your party in there, man.

I've been to enough parties.

Hey.

Was it true, all those stories those guys have been telling about you?

They like to exaggerate, but yeah, it's mostly all true.

What's the coolest thing you ever done?

Charlie's Angels.

You were on Charlie's Angels?

No, I slept with Charlie's Angels.

- What? All of them? - Not simultaneously.

Well, two were simultaneous.

The smart one was just a one night stand in Vegas.

It was wild.

I had no idea you were this cool.

You know, Moran, college is fun,

but wait till you get to the pros.

Yeah?

You like being able to pick any girl you want out of a party?

Yeah.

Imagine what it's like being able to pick any girl you want

out of a stack of magazines.

I took advantage of my opportunity.