Newlyweds

I really think that what you two are doing... I just think it's fantastic.

You both, you know, been through this before,

so you know the crap that you have to deal with when you see

the same person every single day.

No, it's absolutely the perfect setup for us,

because, you know, we're both very busy...

Yeah. I work days, she works nights...

So essentially, We only get to see each other on the weekends ...

And I get to watch my Nick games without any intteruptions...

Yeah, I get up at noon,

I have my coffee in peace, I don't talk to anyone...

We all know how much I love the mornings.

So, the real upside to this you never actually...

have to see each other.

That's exactly right.

Therefore never get on one anothers' nerves.

Hmm!

I will say, absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

And makes for much hotter sex, I might add.

No, David, the details! It's true.

You don't what to hear about last night, Marsha?

- Tell us. - It's pretty nice..

How's your forehead? ... like, baby?

Oh. It"s a little tender, a little bruised.

Your sort of like "Leagally bound fuck buddies", is that it?

No, no! Listen we...

we just are both on our second marriages,

and we're trying to be like, a little more realistic

this time around, what we need ...

Or what we don't need.

Like I am fully aware

that I have since recieved my last blowjob and I'm okay with it.

Stop. That's enough already!

Please, this is supposed to have a nice lunch!

You know what Laverne says though.

What? The best laid plans of mice and men,

often go astray.

I have no idea what that means.

Can you translate, please?

No... I think he might be saying that eventually you will

want a blowjob and your needs downplayed.

We're the first to admit that we're hardly like...

a perfect match.

But we see one another infrequently enough that I think, um

we can go the distance here, Huh Bev?

He's kidding, he's kidding.

Oh my god. Of course. We are very much in love!

We're just ... we're being a little more sensible, somehow.

Oh, that ...You know their whole relationship upsets me.

I mean that my sister and I

we were brought up in a very strict, Catholic household.

And ... we were taught to believe that ...

marriage is ... is ... sacred!

And to be respectful of that.

And ...I don't know ...

talking about oral sex over brunch ...

is not being respectful.

I heard that if you do not wake up at least

one morning a week, and look at your partner and think:

"I have made a terrible mistake".

Then there's actually something wrong.

With your marriage.

Yeah well, Marsha feels that way every morning.

So what is that is normal for you?

Okay, Listen ... Look, this whole conversation is very,

very upsetting to me.

No... It is.

Marriage is something that's very special.

Oh Marsha. It is.

It's a sacrament, it is!

You should get married because ...

you you want to share your life together!

You know, not because she gives good head.

I think you missed the point I was making.

Um...she doesn't give good head. In fact she doesn't give head at all!

Enough!

The problem with your argument is that

we didn't actually get married because...

it was so special ... and it was a sacrament ...

and we were so in love.

That's why I got married!

I mean after 18 years together

and you didn't ever feel some other motervating factor?

You've been married18 years? Wow. Sounds awesome!

I know. I'm just saying ...that... Okay.

When I proposed were in love. Great. But... Yeah?

Okay ... when I was picturing my life...

you know, mapping it out in front of me...

I thought, you know "maybe" ... just "maybe"

that I could be a bit of a music career for me.

What musical career!? Ha ha! Come on.

I do not know "what musical career," that's my whole point.

That's my fault, you didn't have a music career.

I'm just saying if you hadn't of got pregnant,

we wouldn't have got married right away, would we?

I'm just not understanding what your saying.

It's sounding like your regretting getting married to me.

I'm not regretting anything! I'm just saying

let's not pretend that it was this beautiful lovey lovey thing...

when we have practicalities to deal with.

We didn't get married, then, who knows?

We would have got to know each other,

and started a career maybe ...

Right, and then you never would have married me.

Yeah, I hear you. No I hear what you say.

Look! You've been married for 18 years!,

You know, You got that terrific kid,

he's in a great school ... I would say like ...

I don't know ... if it... if it ended today

you could probably call it a success, right?

Look, I didn't mean to put a damper on the brunch

but quite honestly, you know ...

They're miserable.

I mean, maybe what I should have done was just... been honest.

No, actually that would have made things worse...

because then I would have said:

"Look, you two hate one another, just get a divorce already,"

And then... I don't have to go to these miserable lunches any more.

I Don't know why we don't do that more often.

You know, so much fun. Once a week just isn't enough.

Oh! I know! Can you believe he said that, about thier marriage?

In front of us???

I know. Even if you feel that way...

you should try to keep that shit to yourself.

Truely! I don't like your blowjob comment.

Just for the record, I would give you a blow job if you really wanted one.

Really? I wouldn't be happy about it, but I would do it.

Well that is good to know, because as you know

I have a birthday coming up ...so. I never told you that.

Yeah ... look what I've done ...

Well, you know, you can forget the uh ... the tie?

I got you some really nice socks.

Socks?

Yeah. You'd rather have ...You would rather have a blow job? You know, I jacked off into those socks.

No. I'd much rather have a blow job.

I think relationships should be easy.

I mean, my first marriage was full of drama,

and um.... it was a nightmare.

So it was such a relief to meet someone so ...

So ... "drama free".

Yeah you know. A lot of these relationships

have so many unnecessary complications

like my first wife, was ...

Insane. A Challenge. Alright?

So it was very nice to meet someone

with a very even keel personality,

In all, a rational human being, haha! Thank you. Um....

I really think those are for like people that are like...

on each other all the time , you know.. they're knit picking. and um...

we made a promise, day one, that we were'nt gonna do that, you know?

We were'nt gonna... micro manage, and sweat the small stuff and. ...

Yeah Yeah. I don't know, maybe it's unrealistic.

But the thing is... maybe this honeymoon period that were in...

could, you know.... Last forever.

There you go.

Hey!, Dara?

Hey, what can I do for you?

Uhhhh ...Yeah, hold on.

Hey babe It's your call. It's Dara.

Fine. Let him up.

Alright, ah....Come on up, man.

What do you, what do you want me to tell him?

Are you here? Are you at work?

- No, no. Tell him... tell him um...I'm taking a nap. - Okay.

Okay, and baby please don't give him any money.

I won't give him any money, I promise.

Yes, right. I promise! I don't have any to spare!

I got married to Dara....in a moment of ... confusion.

I don't know, he sort of seemed.... dark and mysterious.

And then I grew up and he didn't, and... I realized

he wasn't dark and mysterious.

Just mostly an alcoholic.

Hey there, Shakespeare!

Hey! Is Katie in?

I just wanted to ask her something.

You know, she is, but she's actually taking a nap.

Ah. Look, just for the record....

I don't have any money to give you, as you know.

And Katie ...

I know already told you she can't give you another cent. So.....

Why must you assume I'm looking a handout?

A gentleman can't just pop by and say hello?

You know, the unannounced visit from the ex-husband

on a Sunday evening ... usually not ah...

the best idea...

as much as I am always very happy to see you.

So. What can I do for you?

Oh, nothing. I was just in the area.

Have an audition for a Broadway play, actually.

Thou Nature Art by Go Death.

to thy law thy services are bloud.

Yeah Dara is not a terrible guy. He's just ummm....

An actor.

Alright, look, to be perfectly truthful here...

There was no audition.

I am a little low on funds.

So if you got a couple of bucks... I'd really appreciate it.

How are you even surviving?

I mean, where do you even live, these days?

A girl... she's out of town doing resell theatre