Crashing

Lulu! Oh, my God! Kate, this is Lulu.

She's basically my sister.

Melody, this is Crying Colin.

I am not going on a date with you.

You'll eat me alive.

Sam and Fred!

- Fred?! Who's she? - Hi.

- I heard about your dad, I'm sorry. - Yeah.

I actually want to know how you feel about me.

- Lu, I have been in love with... - I'm joking, you dick!

This programme contains strong language, adult humour and some nudity.

Lovely low ceilings,

very little light.

Four floors, 12 rooms on each -

every one occupied by a different flavour of lunatic.

- Am I on your floor? - You're in luck, princess.

A trapeze artist got evicted last week for shitting out the window.

So, moving in gift.

- Never leave that unattended. - Thanks.

What are you doing now?

Do you want to make love?

Maybe tomorrow.

and a door

and an identity, so...

Good luck with that.

What do you think?

This the coolest place I've ever seen.

Aw,

you'll get over it.

Morning, Sam.

Oh, my God, your fucking face! Your stupid face!

Oh, my God, you were so sad.

What you doing now?

Got work, actually.

Want to watch a rom-com?

What, now?

That's the spirit.

It's so great she's staying.

What's she going to do here?

- Dunno. She's pretty spontaneous. - Is she?

We did go to Berlin once, yeah.

Oh, cool.

Done!

Just get in.

Come on, I've seen you naked before.

Tell them what happened, baby.

Yeah, so, um...

I was just preparing to get into the bath.

I turned round... Like this.

...and then suddenly there was just flashes, flashes, sparks...

- Oh, my God. What happened? - The bath blew up.

- Well, it didn't... - Oh, my God. How?

- I was just - Oh, my God, are you OK?

- Yes. - Oh, my God.

- Are you OK? - I'm a bit shaken, actually.

OK. The lights came from...

- Are you hurt? - Well...

- Are you injured? - No.

You ruined our movie!

Come on, Fred.

I really have to go to work now. Sorry, Sam. Sorry, Kate.

- I hope everything... - No, you have to bunk off with me.

- I really, really can't. I'm sorry. - No, no, no, but I need you.

Are you OK?

Yeah. Shut up. Go to work.

So, it was like lightening just...

Does anyone have any openings at their work?

I'm up for anything - medicine, advertising...

No.

I felt the heat.

Hey, what are you doing today, Melody?

I want to see your little Colin friend again.

No, Melody, he's going through a very difficult time.

Do we need tell management about the bath, or is the bath OK?

I could be dead.

Did no-one check the bath?

Oh, my God, the bath!

Ah, c'est pas vrai. Kate, do something!

- The shelf. - Oh, OK. Fuck you all.

Oh, yeah, yeah, sure, I'll fix the danger bath,

put up another shelf, set up dates for my fragile work colleagues,

before running to work - where I don't even have a receptionist -

and yes, I am supposed to be sorting that out as well.

So, if any of you can tell me where I can find one of those

in the next five minutes, I would really fucking appreciate it.

OK. So... It will ring, you pick up,

ask who it is,

remember the name or write it down,

then press the name on the switchboard,

tell THEM who it is

and if they want to speak to them, put them through,

if they DON'T want to speak to them,

go back and take a message.

OK...

which bit do I pick up when it rings?

You pick it up...

Sorry, is this a joke?

No, It's just...

So much happens so fast.

Ah!

Good morning. Uh...

- What's the name? - Something Events.

Is this a test?

No, we are called Something Events.

Good morning, Something Events,

Lulu speaking, how can I help you?

Hi, Lulu? It's Melody.

Put me to Colin's phone, please. Sexy man.

Ah, sure thing, Melody.

What's Colin's extension? Sexy man.

No, No, No.

Non, Melody. No sexy man,

divorcee man.

She's not good for him right now.

Hey, who's the work flirt?

Want to get my teeth into somebody.

We're not really...

We're very professional.

Hey, KK. Looking beautiful as ever.

Well, I can see your nipples through that shirt.

Shame I can't say the same about yours.

That's Johnny.

Sure.

So, to summarise point number one,

treat your time as your most...

Hey, guys, great work. You especially.

Fred, I need to ask you to step outside.

Your test results have just come back.

Now, Fred.

They've found a donor.

What?!

That was not cool.

I am in professional mode.

Is everything OK?

How good is that smoothie?

It's an amazing smoothie.

That's what the whole day could taste like, baby.

You, me and The Big Smoke.

What do you say? Work's for jerks.

People can't just walk out of work...

You're not like people.

Hmm?

Where are we going?

You're my hero. Come!

Ooh, been shopping?

Oh, God, no. No time for that.

Just something for a client.

Cool.

Hey, do you want to go for lunch today?

No. Sorry, I have a very intense, boring meeting.

That's OK.

Just Anthony asked me to go to the restaurant.

- I thought we could go together. - Oh, really?

Oh.

Oh, my God, I just remembered.

You have to deliver this package... over lunch.

It's urgent.

- Sorry. - Oh, no that's...

- That's perfect! - Great.

I'll just go and get it.

I'll drop it off on the way to my boring meeting.

Sorry.

Hello, Something Events...

Sorry. Ah, bonjour!

Why are you being weird?

I don't know.

'Lulu, just bring Colin to me.'

He'd never go with me.

Of course he will.

I can't.

- I have an errand. - A what?

- An errand. - A what? - An errand.

You have to use a different word.

- A what? - A little job.

Oh, so fine.

Bring him to me and then go away on your little job.

For me? New friend?

Oh, God. OK, OK.

- Where? - Go to Anthony's restaurant.

- J'arrive. - No, no, not there.

Madam, to what do I owe the pleasure?

Just wanted to hang out.

What have you done with Lulu?

Jessica made her deliver a package so...

Over lunch on her first day?

Bit harsh.

- Oh! - Oh! - Hi! Hey!

- Hello! - Hi! - Hey! - Hi!

Did you deliver the package?

- I thought you had a boring meeting? - I do, yes,

but I just popped in for...

To say hi.

Oh, cool. Me too!

I was just going to deliver this now actually

I thought we were having lunch?

- Hello, Colin. - Melody?! - Bad!

- I'm sorry, she made me. - Excuse me.

You really shouldn't be here, Melody.

- You have a meeting, non? - Yes.

Oh, you're not staying?