All My Puny Sorrows

In the history of mankind,

has there ever been a more obvious truth than the statement

"We are all going to die"?

And yet, in our bones,

how many of us can actually conceptualize death,

understand it?

A lifetime.

Life...

time.

How long is it supposed to last?

- Hey. - The other day,

I was trying to text "patience is a virtue" to Nora,

but because I still can't type on my phone,

it autocorrected to "patience is a vulture."

- Ha! As far as expressions go,

it's actually kind of great.

That's what I thought!

So naturally, I believed I invented the phrase

and started having fantasies of making t-shirts,

debating whether or not to put the vulture on it

or just go with the expression.

- Would you do the drawing yourself?

- No, I don't think so. Why?

- Well, you've always had an overinflated opinion about

your drawing ability.

I was planning on handwriting,

and we can both agree I have pretty cool penmanship.

- You're aware that even bragging about penmanship

is ridiculous? - Statement of fact.

Not really!

- Anyway, I searched "patience is a vulture."

Turns out it's already out there on multiple platforms.

- How's the writing going? - Terrible.

Do you think I've peaked?

That I'm already on the downside of a largely forgettable career?

Seriously, I think

I might have ADD because even

finishing a single paragraph feels Sisyphean.

My last book sold 896 copies.

I've long since spent the advance for this one.

- I see you haven't lost your flair for melodrama.

Elf, are you alright?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm fine.

You don't have to worry about me.

I'm not worried, actually.

- I'm at the hall. I have to go.

Bye.

In a tiny Mennonite village in Siberia in 1917,

the year of the Bolshevik Revolution,

while his parents were being murdered in a field

beside their barn, my grandfather survived

by burying himself in a pile of manure.

Fuck you.

Suffering is something that is passed on

from one generation to the next,

like flexibility, grace,

or colourblindness.

Mom?

Working again?

I just lay down.

It's part of my process.

Yes?

Dad just texted me.

He wants me to tell you to sign the divorce papers

before he gets back from Borneo, and...

that you should have signed them weeks ago.

I mean, you do realize it's emotionally damaging

to put me in the middle of your divorce, right?

If we were getting divorced,

then we wouldn't have been married,

and if we weren't married, or at least together,

you wouldn't have been born.

So my guess, whatever angst you're experiencing

has to be preferable to non-existence.

Today?

Whose side are you on?

Mine.

Thank you.

Yeah, you too.

What are you thinking?

No, nothing.

No, something's bugging you.

Uh...

Who says "Thank you" after sex?

Why did you fold your clothes?

- What? - Before sex.

I can't imagine folding my clothes.

You were in the bathroom.

I already spend too much on dry cleaning, so...

Fuck, why am I defending myself?

- You shouldn't. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm an idiot for bringing it up in the first place.

Sorry.

Hey, Mom.

Yoli?

Your sister...

she tried to kill herself.

- Is it too late to tell the elders

that selling was a mistake?

That we want to move back in?

Or that they unfairly pressured you into selling?

Pastor Behr needed the space.

There was no room in his house for an addition.

We should never have come back here.

This is their home now.

But you built this yourself.

That was a long time ago.

DR.- Hi.

Hi, I'm Dr. Johns,

the psychiatrist here at the hospital.

I've heard you play before.

It was... It was beautiful.

Don't forget, I...

I want to help.

I'm here to listen.

You were here almost a decade ago.

And I see you've been prescribed valproate and cariprazine.

Have you been taking them?

Elfrieda, I need you to engage.

Please, just...

just look at me.

Alright, I will come back and try again later.

Oh, come on!

Have you seen my phone? - Uh, no.

- Are you gonna be okay while I'm gone?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, honest.

And Rachel is staying over tonight.

- Okay, no boyfriends in the house while I'm gone, okay?

- Well, there is only one, singular, and he has a name.

- Yes, he does. - Mm-hm!

What is it?

Right now, we're doing this?

Anders. His name is Anders.

When will you be back?

I don't know.

- Then I am not gonna promise not to have him over!

God, come on, Nora, you're 16!

- Okay, Mom, no, if I wanna have sex with him,

I am gonna have sex with him

regardless of whether it's in this house or not,

so what does my age have to do with it?

- But who said anything about sex?

Are you having sex with this person?

- That's absolutely none of your business,

and I don't think you're in the best position

to be giving relationship advice right now.

- Yeah. Yes, of course not.

- Well, now you're being passive-aggressive.

- No, no, honest, I'm not. I'm not.

I just, I have to go or I will miss my plane.

- Say hi to Elf for me, and tell her I love her.

I will.

I'll call you from the airport.

Okay.

- I love you. - Love you too.

- Actually, before we get to the hospital,

can we stop at 304 Brightside, please?

- Yeah, you got it. - Thanks.

- So, we have heard that Elfrieda has expressed

an indiscreet desire to leave the community

and to eventually go to university.

To study music.

- She's only 15. If she goes, she'll get ideas.

- Well, that's what university is for, isn't it?

- Please, cleverness doesn't suit you.

Chuck you, Farley!

- We have had problems with Elfrieda before,

but if she leaves,

she may be lost to us forever.

- Can you please tell your daughter to stop?

Elf, please stop.

- We have to stop meeting like this.

It'd be nice.

- I overheard a great line last night.

Yeah?

What was it?

- "Very much amazed at what little

"intelligence there is to be found in Miss Von R."

- They said that about you? Who?

- A nurse. - Bitch.

- I can only assume that in her professional opinion,

that 'cause I'm not grateful for having my life saved,

I must be stupid.

What about your doctor?

You know how they are, Yoli.

Equating intelligence with the desire to live.

Or decency.

Or decency.

Mom showed me your suicide note.

Don't.

- Well, if you didn't want anyone to read it,

you shouldn't have written one.

More mysterious that way.

Thank you for putting me on it.

Yeah, you're welcome.

- Can we talk about my placement?

I was, like, two-thirds down the list.

It feels...

feels like I was an afterthought, hmm?