Jon Glaser Loves Gear

"Jon Glaser Loves Gear" is basically gonna be

a show that explores

my genuine passion for all things gear.

You know, we're gonna be talking about things like,

for example, this rain hat.

You know, it's got cool details on it, like,

the short brim is pretty cool.

You know, and when you put it on

it's got the really good earflaps.

It cinches in the back.

These are just all the kind of things

that we all kind of nerd out about

when we're obsessing on whatever activity we like.

And, of course, I will be joined by my good friend

and fellow gear lover, Steve Cirbus,

who will be serving as my gear expert,

or "spurt" for short.

Yeah, I'd like to do something where we'd go on a hunt,

and maybe I kill a deer with my

Bowtech Carbon Icon compound bow.

Oh, take your shirt off when you're talking about that, dude,

show off the goods! Should I?

You don't have to.

No, he wants to, it's all right,

check this out. Look at that, nice, right?

We're gonna see this body every episode.

* Like, one, two, three, four five six... abs! *

Right?

So, that's the show, um...

We good to go?

I like it. Let's do it.

Yeah!

*

Gear!

What is up?

Welcome to the first episode of "Jon Glaser Loves Gear".

Me and Steve, we're just hanging out here

at the "Jon Glaser Loves Gear" production office.

Today's episode, "Camping".

Me and my spurt, we are gonna kick off the season

with a sweet, little two-day camping trip.

Now, before we do that, I would like to introduce another

integral part of the "Jon Glaser Loves Gear" team.

A lot of people with your phones, you have Siri,

well, my phone comes equipped with something called Geary.

Now, Geary is just like Siri, but it's specifically for gear.

Let me show you how it works.

Hello, Jon.

How may I help you?

Steve and I are going to be going on a camping trip,

two days, what are your gear suggestions?

That sounds like fun.

The forecast calls for mid-70s during the day,

dropping down to upper 50s at night.

I'd recommend two two-person tents.

Yes.

Three-way, non-glaring lantern.

Good call. Okay, yeah.

USB wood burning stove.

Good call.

Foldable camping chairs.

Good call.

Lightweight Gore-Tex hiking boots.

Good call.

GPS watch with altimeter.

Oh, yeah. Yep.

Call of the day.

Yeah.

And collapsible walking sticks

with aluminum shafts.

I'm gonna say yes to those.

I just want those, they're cool.

All right, well, thanks very much, Geary.

Rock solid gear suggestions.

Let's go camping!

Gear!

Me and my spurt headed over to one of our favorite stores,

Tent & Trails, to gear up for the camping trip.

*

That is a pretty good sized sleeping bag.

Now, Jamie, if you want,

you're free to take your shoes off and come on in.

That's a no.

Gear!

Yeah, I've been showing my wife this one online a ton,

and she's like, "Oh, yeah, you totally gotta get it."

Gear!

What if you put, like, a voice chip inside the boot,

so every step you're like...

Or you could do one where it's like...

Ow! Ow!

Or like a macho-like, "Yeah!"

Ow!

Yeah!

Gear!

Oh, Paul Rudd did a PSA for camping.

He's going on a massive, massive hike, clearly.

First of all, cotton pants?

You know what I call cotton in the woods?

What? Death cloth.

Death cloth? Yeah, dude.

As soon as it gets wet,

there's no insulation whatsoever.

This, right here-- It'd be a good metal band,

Death Cloth. Death Cloth.

* Wore the wrong material

Yeah, this is sweet.

That looks sharp. Now, I have a question.

Let's say we're doing a couple's camping trip,

and I think my wife and I are gonna break off for a hike,

and let's just say we come across

some beautiful landscape and I'm so overtaken by emotions

that I start crying, would this jacket bead the tears

like it would a raindrop?

Gear!

Let's get all that up there, thanks a lot, spurt.

Geary, check out all the sweet stuff we got.

Great choices, Jon.

Steve, I just want to say that you have a really amazing body.

Would you ever consider a relationship with a machine,

like in the movie "Her"?

Only in this case, the machine is a guy?

Right, give it a rest, Geary.

I don't even know how you're even attracted to humans anyway.

Geary Fonzarelli has always been open minded

and bi-curious.

I'm sorry, did you say your last name is Fonzarelli?

Yes, that's right.

Like the Fonz?

I'm sorry, who's the Fonz?

Whatever, Geary.

Sorry, Steve. That's cool.

Gear!

*

* Hey!

Okay, time to give my wife the good news.

Let's do it-- go.

Knock-knock, babe.

Check it out! What?

This can only mean one thing. Jon!

The show's picked up!

* Banana-nana-na

* The show's picked up

* Banana-nana-na

Whoo! Jon.

Here's what's going on, get you up to speed.

Episode one, "Camping".

Me and you, Steve and Amy,

weekend camping excursion, no kids,

just the couples, just adults.

I just loaded up with some really kick-ass camping gear...

Jon-- ...including this kick-ass GPS watch.

Pretty sure Paul Rudd wears one.

Jon. It's from Garmin.

I'm really happy your show's picked up,

but we've talked about this, like, so many times.

I really don't want to be on camera,

it makes me feel uncomfortable.

Sweetie, I told you, we're gonna blur your face out in post.

No one's gonna know it's you.

We talked about this.

Yeah, we did talk about this,

and I made it crystal clear that I don't want to be on camera.

Why do you even need a camera crew here

if the show is about how much you love gear?

Because I have a wife that I love and I love coming home and,

and showing you all my gear and sharing the experience.

Oh, brother.

Like, look at this kick-ass GoPro I got in my backpack.

Pretty cool, right?

Why do you even need that?

It's for gettin' cool shots!

*

And also, look, I got this GPS watch-- check this out.

This thing has an altimeter. An altimeter, I know, Jon,

because you've showed to me a hundred times online,

and I told you then and I'll tell you now,

it's too much watch for you.

You never even go camping.

Now all of a sudden you need to have a $500 watch

with an altimeter? No, I don't need the watch,

but the show is not called "Jon Glaser Needs Gear".

Oh. It's called "Jon Glaser Loves Gear,"

and I love this watch.

Wow, truly.

Sweetie, listen, I know that I can be annoying...

Thank you. ...when I talk about gear.

Stop right there and then walk out.

Okay, but when you are married to someone

and you love that person... Oh, okay.

Part of that is you indulge in the annoying things about them.

Oh, come on, please.

Like, I love you and I indulge the annoying things

that you like to talk about, like your shoes and bags.

My shoes and bags.

Yes.

Like, my gear?

Not the same thing at all.

It's exactly-- Not even close to being--

It couldn't be closer. No-- gear is cool shit.