Ghost Dad

O.K., SWEETIE, NOW IT'S STORY TIME.

LET'S SEE.

WHERE'D WE LEAVE OFF LAST NIGHT?

AH, O.K.

AHEM.

"NEVER IN A BRILLIANT CAREER OF 300 YEARS

"HAD THE GHOST BEEN SO GROSSLY INSULTED.

"SO HE DECIDED TO ENTER THE TWINS' ROOM

"AND GIVE THEM A SCARE THEY WOULDN'T SOON FORGET,

"BUT WHEN HE THREW OPEN THEIR DOOR,

A BUCKET OF WATER FELL RIGHT DOWN ON HIM..."

KAPOOSH!

"WETTING HIM TO THE SKIN."

AAH!

"AT THE SAME MOMENT,

"HE HEARD SHRIEKS OF LAUGHTER

"AS THE BOYS BURST OUT OF THE CLOSET,

"MERRILY THROWING PILLOWS AT HIM,

JUST MISSING HIS HEAD."

SHOOSH. WHOOSH. SHEESH.

HEE HEE HEE HO HO HO HA HA HA HA.

"HE FLED BACK TO HIS ROOM

"UTTERING HOLLOW GROANS ABOUT THIS RUDE FAMILY.

"NO GHOST IN HISTORY

HAD EVER BEEN TREATED SO BADLY."

O.K., HONEYBUN, THAT'S ENOUGH FOR TONIGHT.

OH, DADDY.

SORRY. I HAD TO WORK LATE AGAIN THIS WEEKEND,

BUT REMEMBER, IT'S JUST UNTIL THURSDAY

WHEN I GET MY RAISE AND NEW PROMOTION,

WHICH WILL INCLUDE ME

IN THE COMPANY'S INSURANCE AND PENSION PLAN.

THEN WE'LL HAVE LOTS OF TIME TO DO FUN THINGS.

NOW MAKE ME LOUDER.

HOLD ME UP TO THE DOOR.

GOOD NIGHT, DIANE!

DON'T WAIT UP FOR ME.

I NEVER DO.

GOOD NIGHT, DANNY!

GOOD NIGHT, DAD. SEE YOU IN THE MORNING.

AND DO YOUR HOMEWORK INSTEAD OF MAGIC TRICKS.

SURE, DAD.

NICE TALKING TO YOU.

O.K., AMANDA, NOW TURN OUT THE LIGHT

AND GO TO SLEEP.

DADDY LOVES YOU.

I LOVE YOU, TOO, DADDY.

AND I'LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING.

GOOD NIGHT, SWEETIE.

GOOD NIGHT, DADDY.

GOOD NIGHT, LITTLE SISTER.

I WANT PANCAKES AND WAFFLES.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DIANE.

OH, YEAH. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

I'D HAVE GOTTEN YOU SOMETHING,

EXCEPT YOU'RE ALWAYS THE ONE

WHO REMEMBERS THESE THINGS AND BUYS THE PRESENTS.

SO MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT TO YOU

IS YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOP FOR MY PRESENT TO YOU.

YOU'RE A VERY UNUSUAL CHILD.

THANK YOU.

I WONDER WHAT DADDY'S EXCUSE WILL BE.

HE WOULDN'T FORGET YOUR BIRTHDAY.

HE'LL FORGET, AND THEN HE'LL SAY

HE'LL MAKE IT UP TO ME AFTER THURSDAY.

PANCAKES. WAFFLES.

I'D LIKE TWO EGGS OVER EASY,

HASH BROWNS, CANADIAN BACON...

OR JUST SOME CEREAL AND JUICE.

UH, WAIT. NO, NO. WAIT, WAIT.

GIVE ME A CHANCE.

DUH...

"D."

"D."

DI.

DI.

COME ON.

DI... YOU KNOW YOUR NAME. WHO ARE YOU?

WELL, WHO CARES? YOU HAVE A BIRTHDAY.

I'M SO...

OHH!

AAH! AMANDA, HONEY, PLEASE.

I TOLD YOU NOT TO LEAVE YOUR SKATES ON THE STAIRS.

SORRY.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET MUSHY.

WELL, I HAVE TO GET MUSHY.

FATHERS GET LIKE THAT SOMETIMES.

MY FATHER, ON MY 9th BIRTHDAY,

DRESSED UP IN A BUNNY COSTUME

FOR A WHOLE WEEK!

A WHOLE WEEK?

BECAUSE THE ZIPPER WAS STUCK.

HE DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT.

HE BUMPED AROUND THE HOUSE

LIKE A BUNNY FOR A WHOLE WEEK.

I GOT TO RUN.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU GOT TO RUN?

DADDY, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY.

JONELLE TURNED 17, AND SHE GOT A CONVERTIBLE,

BUT I GET SHAVING CREAM?

YOU COMPLETELY FORGOT, BUCKO. ADMIT IT.

OH, YEAH?

YEAH.

THURSDAY,

IF EVERYTHING GOES THE WAY I THINK IT SHOULD,

THE COMPANY'S ALSO GOING TO GIVE ME A CAR,

AND IF THEY DO,

YOU CAN HAVE GRUMPY.

REALLY?

YES.

REALLY?

YES.

DADDY, CAN I DRIVE IT TODAY?

I'LL BE INCREDIBLY CAREFUL.

I'LL TAKE YOU TO WORK.

DIANE, LISTEN!

THURSDAY!

THAT'S IT!

AND PLEASE DON'T USE THAT SHEEPDOG LOOK ON ME.

IT MEANS NOTHING.

NOTHING.

YES!

YOU WON'T REGRET THIS, DADDY, OLD PAL.

O.K.

ALL RIGHT.

BYE-BYE.

HI, MR. HOPPER.

WELL, HOW ARE YOU, STUART?

YOU TAKE OUT YOUR OWN GARBAGE?

YES.

WE PAY PEOPLE TO DO THAT FOR US.

I WANTED TO SHOW DANNY MY NEW BIKE.

YOU HAVE A NEW POSSESSION,

AND YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO SHOW IT OFF?

THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE YOU.

YEAH. YOU CAN'T GET THIS KIND WITHOUT CONNECTIONS,

AND IT'S A LOT FASTER THAN DANNY'S,

BUT IT SHOULD BE

SINCE IT'S ABOUT TWICE AS EXPENSIVE.

YOU'RE A REPUBLICAN, AREN'T YOU?

WELL, I'M NOT REGISTERED.

DANNY'S INSIDE.

STUART.

WATCH OUT, DIANE! OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE!

JUST PRACTICING.

HI.

HI TO YOU.

SO THIS IS HOW GROWNUPS DO IT.

YOU GOT YOURSELF A NEW CHAUFFEUR.

NOBODY WANTS TO LIVE FOREVER.

YOU ARE SO FUNNY.

I'M NOT THAT FUNNY.

JUST PRACTICING.

LISTEN, I GOT TO GO.

SO WE STILL ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT FOR THE BANQUET?

I WOULDN'T MISS IT FOR THE WORLD.

BUCKLE UP, STUD.

OH, HOP. GOING UP TO 12?

ALL THE WAY UP TO 12, MR. SEYMOUR.

OH, PUNCH 11 FOR US, PLEASE.

HOW'S OUR DEAL GOING?

MR. COLLINS AND I 00 MEETING

WITH THE INVESTMENT BANK.

THEN I'LL GO UP TO GET SOME DOCUMENTS.

WE OUGHT TO CLOSE SOMETIME THURSDAY, RIGHT ON SCHEDULE.

THAT'S GREAT. THAT'S WONDERFUL.

OUT OF SIGHT, HOP.

GENTLEMEN, YOU ALL KNOW ELLIOT HOPPER?

OH, YEAH. OH, YEAH.

HE WAS THE FIRST ONE

TO ENVISION THE AUSSIE MERGER.

HE'S BEEN HANDLING ALL THE NEGOTIATIONS

FOR COLLINS, LIMITED,

AND NEXT THURSDAY, WHEN OUR COMBINED DIRECTORS MEET,

HOP WILL BE THE YOUNGEST MAN

EVER TO SIT ON THE BOARD

OF OUR FIRM OR MR. NERO'S.

THAT IS, IF HE DOESN'T SCREW IT UP

BETWEEN NOW AND THEN.

WE CATCH YOU TICKLING MR. NERO'S WIFE

IN MACY'S WINDOW,

ALL BETS ARE OFF.

SLIM CHANCE.

HAVE YOU SEEN MRS. NERO LATELY?

OH.

MR. NERO.

WHAT?

HOW ARE YOU, SIR?

OH, YES. I'M EATING SOLID FOOD AGAIN.

OH, WELL,

WONDERFUL!

WE'LL SEE YOU 00.

G'DAY, SIR.

G'DAY, SIR.

I ONLY HAVE A MINUTE, CAROL.

GOT TO TAKE A TAXI.

HOW'S EVERYTHING GOING IN THERE?

THEY JUST PUT IN THE NEW WINDOWS.

EVERYTHING WILL BE READY TODAY.

WE JUST GOT THE SEATING ARRANGEMENT