The Simpsons

Oh, for the love of...

Huh?

Ah, Halloween:

the one night when we can walk the streets undetected.

Hey, lame-os.

Turner Classic Movies called.

They want their costumes back.

We lame-os?

I have a remedy for our predicament.

Into this costumery.

Yeah? Oh.

Friends of Homer's?

They're not my friends.

We brought a bottle of booze.

Boooooze!

Come in! Come in!

Mmm.

Good!

Beer good.

You good.

You said you were going out to kill children tonight.

We were,

then we bumped into our old friend, the-the-the--

my man here!

You'll be sucking your own blood tonight.

Let's get 'em, girls!

Bad Wolf!

Bad!

Lighten up, ladies.

It's not cheating when you're wearing a costume!

Not the face!

It's time to announce my choice to represent our class at the National Reading Roundup.

Here it comes.

My choice is... Hubert Wong! - Wha...?

Hooray for Different-Face!

Congratulations, Hubert.

Or should I congratulate your tutor:

Amelia, at the Homework Factory!

Your victory is tainted!

Asterisk! Asterisk! Lisa,

don't take it personally.

I barely spent any time on this decision.

Asterisk! Asterisk!

Asterisk!

Lisa Simpson in detention?!

My horoscope told me I'd see something interesting today,

but I thought that meant the horoscope itself!

Stupid Miss Hoover.

I heard about your run-in with Hoover.

Aren't teachers the worst?

I don't want to talk about it.

Listen, you're a smart kid.

I bet you like ideas.

I do.

Well, I just had a whopper!

What if you got revenge on Krabappel for me,

and I got revenge on Hoover for you?

Crisscross!

Interesting.

With no obvious motive, no one would suspect us.

Exactly! Crisscross!

Do we have a deal? Thanks,

but I'll pass.

If I say "crisscross" one more time,

will that change your mind? Listen,

you're a persistent fellow, but I...

Crisscross! I'm in.

Bart, have you established your alibi?

Yep. I'm at the tennis match.

And people will remember you were there?

I'm pretty sure they will.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Hello?

Hello? Oh!

I've been ding-dong-ditched!

Crisscross.

You should've seen the look on Krabappel's face!

And you should've seen the look on Hoover's face.

In fact,

here it is.

You killed her?

Right. Like we agreed.

I never said "kill"!

Yeah, 'cause you're smart.

You don't say "kill," you say "prank."

Like Mom and Dad say "snuggle"

when what they really mean is

"let's lock the door and hug."

Well, I didn't kill Mrs. Krabappel!

So, all you did was ring her doorbell and run?

Yeah, ding-dong-ditch!

"Ding-dong-ditch" means you kill her,

then you throw that ding-dong into a ditch.

Geez, pick up a book.

You're a monster!

A deal's a deal, little sister.

Tomorrow after school, go to her house and t.p. her.

That's it? Just t.p. her?

Yeah, torture and pulverize her.

Then ding-dong-ditch the body and we're even.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

Oh, Lisa!

Come hold this blade so it doesn't slice through my neck.

Come on. I trust you completely.

Slice her like a bagel! - Ah, got it!

Thanks, Lisa.

Last thing I want is to be sliced in two--

you know, like a bagel.

Bart?

I've been waiting for you...

and trying to figure out how girls pee.

Sorry, Bart, I couldn't do it!

There's got to be another way.

What if I gave you homework help?

I won't give you the answers,

but I'll give you the tools to find the answers yourself.

No dice.

Either take care of Krabappel,

or Groundskeeper Willie will say he saw you kill Miss Hoover.

Why would Willie do that?

Let's just say...

he owes me a favor.

Crisscross!

Like the plaid on me kilt!

You're not wearing a kilt.

Uh-oh.

All right, Bart.

I guess I have no choice.

I have to kill...

You!

Go ahead, do it.

You're no different from me.

We're made from the same dinna.

It's pronounced D-N-A, you idiot.

And we are not the same.

I am not a murderer, and I never will be!

Well done, Lisa!

It was an accident, I swear!

Sure. An accident.

Ha!

Ay carumba, you little snot.

I'm here at Krustyburger for the launch of the highly anticipated "Burger Squared."

Krusty, what can you tell us about this fantastic new sandwich?

I'm glad you asked, Kent.

We start with Grade A beef, feed that to other cows,

then kill them and serve the unholy results on a seven-grain bun.

Burger Squared!

The math checks out!

Cows eating cows?! That's an abomination!

Now, Lisa, you're a vegetarian, but these cows have made a different choice.

And now, this lucky reporter will be the first human

to sample this delicious crime against nature.

Mmm.

Juicy, flavorful, with just a hint of...

Hey!

That's my check-cashing arm, you stupid...

A little tip: you might want to wash me before you eat me.

Thank you.

The munchers got Moe!

Well, we're not going out to help him.

We have no idea what hideous creatures might be out there!

Please, let me in!

How do I know you're not a muncher? - I'm your father and I need your help!

I can't make sense of that muncher talk!

Hungry. So hungry. There's nothing to eat. Except this.

There's gotta be something yummy out there.

A hamburger!

Bart ate a tainted burger! - I'll bash him with this book!

Dad!

No! That's the last book in the world!

Really?

Yes! It's-- oh.

Go ahead.

Wait!

The burger didn't change me!

I'm not a muncher!

Oh, my God.

If Bart could eat the burger and survive,

then maybe he can yield the key to an anti-muncher vaccine!