Hannah Montana

I've never been so happy.

Well, then, prepare to be ecstatic.

Eep!

I have got to stop sneakin' daddy's pork rinds before bed.

Aw!

Miley!

Oh, good. You're up.

If you didn't have that whole Miley-Hannah thing over me,

bang, zoom!

Yeah, yeah, I'm shakin' in my boots. Speaking of which,

I can't wait to wear these on the mack and Mickey in the morning show.

This is gonna be so awesome! "Hannah Montana and her peeps

who keep her grounded!" Eep! I'm a peep!

Did you put extra sugar on your sugar crunchies again?

Just a little bit.

I'm so excited, I barely slept last night.

That makes two of us.

I had a dream that you would not believe.

You were about to kiss...

Oh, I can't even say it.

Who was I about to kiss?

Jackson! Blech!

Why aren't you "blech-ing" with me?

Well... "Well" is not an option.

It's either "blech" or "ugh!" Pick one.

But... I kinda like him.

Jackson lovin' freak of nature, say what?

Whoo!

Here we go, everybody!

Come on!

whoo!

Well, Jackson is kinda cute.

Lilly, this is crazy!

You've always found him completely repulsive.

That's one of the things I love most about you.

I was only doing that because of you.

Inside, I was always thinking something else.

Hey, you want to hear my inner thoughts?

Lilly... boing!

Why didn't you tell me?

I didn't tell you because I knew I'd get a "boing!"

Don't you "boing!" And walk away from me!

Get back here!

Whoo! You do not want to go in there!

Oh, come on!

- Stop that! - Ow!

Oliver, tell her how ridiculous this is.

Miley,

can you tell the sun not to rise in the morning?

I mean, can you tell a wave not to crash on the shore?

You been watching soap operas again?

No! No, it's... My grandma came in town.

- Yeah. - She's, uh, visiting, and...

she, um...

Ok, storm and Erica just came out of their dual comas,

and I had to find out if they remembered their passion for each other.

They did!

Yea.

Hey, um, Oliver, what are you doing tomorrow?

I'm one of your peeps on mack and Mickey in the morning.

Dang it. I did invite you.

Oh, are you lost, little guy? Huh?

Oh. Let's go find your mommy. Yes, we will.

Hey, everybody. Hi.

- Oh! - Lilly, please.

Lord Voldemort would look cute with a puppy. Snap out of it!

This is all your fault anyway.

You're the one who had that dream.

I was perfectly happy crushing in silence

and stealing hair off the brush.

What?

And by "what," I mean "ew!"

Ok, look, Lilly, what I think Miley's trying to say is that

everybody's crushes on someone who didn't like them back.

You just got to suck it up, and you got to move on.

Look, I'm sorry, but getting rejected by the entire girls' softball team,

it stings a little bit!

Come on, Oliver. You didn't get rejected by the entire softball team.

- Lilly, they hired a skywriter. - Ooh!

Well, we don't know that Jackson doesn't like me back.

And if you did know he didn't like you back,

could you move on to someone, oh, I don't know, human?

I guess I'd have to.

All right, let's go talk to him.

What? No, no, no, no. That's a terrible idea.

There are certain things in life a girl just has to do alone.

You talk to him and tell me what he says.

Ok, fine. But don't get your hopes up.

For him to like you back, he would have to have taste, depth, and intelligence.

We're talking about a guy who once saved a fart in a jam jar.

- Robby Stewart? - That would be me.

First tell me what you think of this.

- What do you think? - I think you're super-super weird.

The gardener loved it!

Hey, mile, I got your information for the mack and Mickey show tomorrow.

Limo's picking you up about 7:00.

Have you seen Jackson?

I need to tell him Lilly's crushin' on him.

She is?

Well, I just think that's adorable.

Am I the only one that remembers the jam jar?

Come on, mile, what's so weird about Lilly liking your brother?

Does puppy piddle stain?

Asked and answered.

I swear, with me as an example, I just don't see how he turned out so odd.

Yeah! It's catchy!

- Hey, Jackson? - Hold on. Just a sec.

Dang-flabbit!

This is why I don't change my shirt every day.

- What does that girl see in you? - What girl?

There's a girl? Is she cute? Average? Below

average? I'm not desperate. It's just,

you know, it's been a while.

It's... You're not gonna believe this.

It's... it's Lilly.

- She's crushin' on you. - Lilly?

I know. I don't get it either.

But she's like a sister. You know, sort of like you,

except without the gi-normous ego and hint of girl-stache.

It's peach-fuzz, it's cute,

and it's not what we're talking about here.

Can you tell me that you don't think about her that way,

and Lilly and I can go back to normal, and you can go back

being a disgrace to the Stewart name.

Fine. I don't think about Lilly that way.

- Great. I'll go tell her. - Huh.

"Huh," what?

I'm starting to think about Lilly that way.

No! No, no, no! Wrong way. Go back.

- Back. Beep, beep, beep, beep. - Wait, wait. She's cute.

She's smart. She's not a kid anymore.

Jackson likey.

And Miley pukey.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I got to groom for my new lady.

Who gave that dog asparagus?

Om, it doesn't matter if he likes me.

Om, whatever happens is for the best.

Om, I can always get a cat.

Lilly?

Om, cute little kitty from the pound.

Lilly!

Oh!

Om, now we're even for the bed thing.

- What'd he say? Tell me everything! - Ok, he...

- No, just tell me if he likes me! - Ok, he...

- No, start at the beginning! - Ok, he...

- Forget it! Skip to the end! - Make up your mind!

I can't! You pick.

Ok. I can't believe I'm actually gonna say this, but he, um...

Oh, my gosh! He does like me!

This is gonna change everything!

Can't you just see it?

- No. - No, see? It's right up there. See?

- This is so good! - So good!

- You are so cute. - You're so cute!

I love you.

Oh, honey!

What'd he say?

I want his exact words so I can put them in my diary.

Ok, his exact words were...

"Never gonna happen."

Really?

I'm sorry, Lilly.

It's ok.

It's not like it's your fault!

Lilly?

Listen, we don't need guys to have fun.

We're gonna have fun on mack and Mickey, right?

Yeah. You're right.

We are gonna have fun. You, me, Oliver,

and Jackson!

I know it hurts now, but it really is for the best.

Hey, Lilly.

What is up with her?

I had to tell her that, um, Jackson doesn't like her back.

Oh, man, that's rough.

Erica had the same reaction when storm left her for her evil twin cousin.

Grandma never saw it coming, but I knew!

Hey, miles, where's Lilly,

the lucky winner of the Jackson love lotto?

What? But you just said... ow!

Split end. Ladies hate that.

Um, turns out I was wrong. She doesn't like you.

- She doesn't? - You just told her that...

Ow! Why do you keep doing that?

That was the other end.

'Cause it was split, you see?

It actually turns out that,

when she said she likes Jackson,

she meant she likes president Andrew Jackson.

I mean, come on. Who doesn't?

So she doesn't like me?

No.

When she heard that I thought she meant you, she laughed so hard...