Monsters vs. Aliens

Oh, yeah, it's freaky.

1x02 - Danger Wears a Diaper

We've got us a situation that requires 100% of your attention

and 110% of your ability! Failure is not an option!

And yet you fail by demanding the mathematically impossible 110%.

So I will... quiet now.

Hey, kids. Great news.

I'll be in your neighborhood today, so I thought I'd pop by.

And, oh, I almost forgot.

I checked my day planner, and guess what.

It's my birthday.

Birthday? Oh, boy, oh, boy.

We can have cake and streamers

and a clown named Gary who smells like Bologna and...

Balloons.

But please, no birthday gifts,

'cause that would embarrass me on my birthday,

especially high-tech gadgety gifts on my birthday.

Birthday!

That is the situation.

Operation get the best high-tech gadgety gift ever

for the President is a go!

- We're gonna have balloons, right? - The helium tank's in the corner, B.O.B.,

but I don't have any balloons.

- We'll have to improvise. - Impro-vo-mo-zize?

That requires a quick mind, which I do not have.

I'll just have to come up with something on the fly.

Okay, spotlight's on you, Dr. C.

Coverton's gift for the President will no doubt be awesome.

So many awesome choices.

Should I go with amazingly awesome

or step it up to tremendously awesome?

Hmm.

Probably some cool space tech like an intergalactic waffle iron.

- Do they make those? - No, no, no, no.

No, that would blow his primitive earth mind.

Oh, decisions, decisions.

So it's up to you to score us a win. Bring it!

- Susan, consider it brought. - Whoo-hoo!

I impro-vo-mo-zized!

Only one way to decide this.

Eeny, meeny, miny, melon, catch a floogsnark by the talon.

The President touches down in five.

Doc, we need something now. Anything.

- Link, one cannot rush genius. - I'm not. I'm rushing you.

- I found balloons with fingers. - Fantastic, B.O.B.

But, you know, the cake's kind of a problem.

I found one in the men's room, but it was small,

and I really, really, really did not like the taste.

Doc, now!

Success!

Okay, what is that?

And, perhaps more important, is it safe?

Safe? We haven't time for such trivial concerns.

Follow me.

- A tie? - I can neither confirm nor deny

the existence of a tie within this tie box.

Well, we know you can't top my gift, so why bother?

- Are we late? - Did we miss the President?

And Gary the clown who smells like Bologna?

You got in just under the wire, Monsters.

Oh, guys! Who told you it was my birthday?

You told us. Don't you remember?

Gosh, with your big old...

Mr. President, on behalf of the hard-working

men and women of area 50-something...

- What is that? - A gift of good will from the stars.

I wish you a joyous birth anniversary.

This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen!

I've always wanted one.

- It's... it's... - It's just the box.

A watch? Yeah, I was expecting something a little more...

good.

Mr. President, this is more than a watch.

It is the Defensinator, the most advanced

personal defense system in the universe. Try it on.

Greetings.

Would you like a demonstration of my capabilities?

Absolutely.

Particle weapon.

Whoa!

Antigravity.

Laser cannon.

Force field.

End demonstration. The time is 2:54.

- And it tells time? Amazing. - Mr. President, the Defensinator

will completely protect you from any and all harm.

Best gift ever!

Your turn.

Didn't have time to wrap it...

- What is it? - Or name it.

Mr. President, meet the, uh,

Skin-o'matic-atronic- derma spa-rejuvenalizer.

It's incredible! I look ten years younger!

My poll numbers will go through the roof.

This is better than the best gift ever.

Let me do the calculations. That makes I um...

Yes, oh, oh, let's see. Yes. The best gift ever!

In your squishy little face! And I don't like your toes!

There's always next year, Coverton.

Something happened.

I don't understand, but that's not unusual, Coverton!

Come on, Monsters. I got a birthday cake,

- and it ain't gonna eat itself. - I can make you one that does.

This is nice. Hanging out with old Team Monster.

- Why don't we do this more often? - Well, sir, we'd like...

Anyhoo, I'm supposed to give a speech at 5:00,

so one more blast for the HD cameras couldn't hurt.

Mr. President, I wouldn't... Uh...

No! Not full strength!

- Oh, no! - Cool!

When did we get a baby on our team?

No, B.O.B., the rejuvenalizer turned the President into a baby.

No! There's got to be a more possible explanation,

like it made the President so young he's now baby-shaped.

- Which is what I said, B.O.B. - That's not what I heard.

Anybody else freaked that he's already wearing a diaper?

You have to change him back.

He's supposed to give a speech on tv!

I'm not changing it.

Mr. President?

- It's Monger. - Yes, I know.

Quick, someone act like the President.

Mr. President, they want you in makeup.

Be right there. Just, um, vetoing some bills

and launching some missiles. Give me a minute.

- Do something! - If I reverse the polarity,

it should quickly age the President back into an adult.

Great. What are we waiting for?

Antigrity activated.

Oh, no.

Force field.

Got him!

Monsters, what's going on in there? Open this door!

One second.

Just appointing some ambassadors to East Slimelinia.

Escape protocol initiated.

Great. Now what?

Monsters, in the name of national security,

- I order you to open up! - Oh, General Monger,

we were giving the President a rejuvenating spa facial.

I am the President.

Oh, yeah, he's cuckoo for clean pores, this guy.

Anyhoo, we're just gonna go ahead and take him into makeup

and hair and all that and get him ready for his big speech.

Okay? Bye-bye.

Monsters.

Hey, there he goes!

Ah, Monsters, is the President still with you?

Go!

This is the President.

I'm having a private lunch with the Monsters,

who I'm falling in love with all over again. It's... ow!

Yes, Mr. President, but the Defensinator

was just one of several gifts I have for you.

I'm sure you'll like these even better.

One grows luscious, thick hair. Ooh!

Forget it, Coverton. The Monsters pantsed you.

It's done. Let it go.

I hate your feet.

- Is there a baby in there with you? - No, that's, uh, B.O.B.

You know how he gets on taco Tuesdays.

- Got to go. - It's taco Tuesday?

Pollo.

Laser canon.

Okay, we need to improvise.

I believe the word is impro-vo-mo-zize.

What have I got to work with?

This won't be enough.

Perhaps if we get to the cutlery, I can fashion a weapon.

You can't use weapons against a baby and/or the President.

- He's using weapons against us. - Baby President,

you turn off that thing right now, or you're going to get a time-out.

That's showing him, Link.

We have to motivate him to shut down the Defensinator.

- Think. What do babies like? - What do baby Presidents like?

This one likes destroying things. Not sure what that buys us.

Hi, guys. I impro-vo-mo-zized, just like Susan said.

Oh, no!

All right, don't tell gross-toes I said this,

but you got to admire the craftsmanship. It's almost...

The time is now 5:00.