Police Academy 2: Their First Assignment

Evening.

Hello. Hello.

- Hello. - Hello.

- Hello. Hello. - Hello.

- Hello. - Hello...

Hello. Hello.

Give it to me!

- Eight bucks? - Business is slow.

Get a new business or move out of the neighborhood!

Come on. Hey, take that! Pig!

Get your hands off me!

So am I ever gonna get an answer out of you guys?

- Well, sir... - Well.

- Congratulations, captain. - What is it now, chief?

Oh. It's official.

This is now the worst precinct in the entire city.

Would you look at this? Burglary, up 36 percent.

Armed robbery, up 20 percent.

Vandalism, up 44 percent.

Sir, I think if you'll check, burglary is up 48 percent.

There. You hear that?

- Who are you? - Mauser, sir. M as in "man"...

...A- U-S as in "Sam"... - Shut up and sit down, Mauser.

- He didn't ask for your biography. - E-R, sir.

Look, Hurst, what do you expect?

You cut my budget, you cut my staff. I got nothing to work with.

Look around! These guys are old. They're tired.

They just can't cut it anymore.

Maybe they need a new captain, Lassard.

The mayor wants results. You remember the mayor?

She wants something done about this. What do you propose?

Take your nose out of my business, go to the mayor's office...

...and put it where it usually is.

You have exactly 30 days to turn this precinct around, or you are out.

Do you understand me? Thirty days and that's it!

I need at least a dozen new men.

- You can have six. - Well, thank you!

You better get started.

Excuse me, captain.

Get me the police academy. I wanna speak to my brother.

Sir. Chief.

Sir, if I may be so bold, I would like to apologize...

...for Captain Lassard's remark about your nose being up the mayor's...

Chief, I've got some new ideas on how to run this precinct.

- Oh, I'll bet you do, Mauser. - Long-range plans, sir...

...planning steps, deployment.

See, sir, it's really a question of leadership that works.

Lassard's got 30 days.

If he should blow it, the job is yours.

I fully understand, sir.

Mauser, you are the most incredible ass-kisser I have ever seen.

Thank you very much, sir. I do my best.

She must be out to lunch. Police academy.

Hello. Eric Lassard, please.

This is Commandant Eric Lassard speaking.

- Eric, this is Pete. - Pete?

- Your brother. - Pete!

How very, very nice of you to call. How's my baby brother?

Just fine, Eric. Actually, not too good.

Oh, what's up? Oh, uh...

Eric, I've got a problem here.

Yeah, we all have our little problems.

Yeah, but this one is serious.

I hope you haven't got a girl into trouble.

No. I need to get my hands on some healthy young men.

I guess there are places you could go...

- Certain bars and so on. - Eric, what are you talking about?

Does Margaret know about this?

Eric, I'm in trouble here, and I need some new recruits.

Oh, well, that's easy.

We have some very, very fine young graduates here at the academy.

Come on. Come on. Double time. Double time.

Pick it up. Move it. Move it.

Come on! Move it! Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.

Now, Brian, I want you to go straight to class today.

- Why should I? - Because I said so.

- Big deal. - You mind your manners, mister.

- I don't have to, bird face. - That does it. You're in trouble.

Oh, I'm just really scared.

- Can I help you, ma'am? - Yes, officer.

My son Brian is always late for school. Could you speak to him?

- Perhaps give him a little scare? Certainly, ma'am.

Hi, Brian.

It's almost 0800 hours. Time to deploy for school.

I'll go when I'm ready.

You're ready now, mister.

Now move it! Move it! Move it!

Thank you, officer. No problem, ma'am.

- It's really no better than television. - I wouldn't know.

I never watch television.

Personally, I don't even own a television.

Hungry, Diane?

For God's sakes, Michael, just take me home.

[TONY WARREN'S "DIRTY WORK" PLAYS OVER RADIO]

Somebody's got to do it

It's dirty work

It's dirty work

Somebody got Somebody got to do it

Somebody's got to do it

Hi. How are you?

I must be crazy To do the things I do

Workin' all this overtime Takin' care of you

One tough assignment Keepin' you in line

Every time I turn around You're playin' with my mind

All the things you put me through

It's a full-time job loving you Oh

It's dirty work Somebody's got to do it

It's dirty work

You know somebody Somebody's got to do it

- Hey, Tim. - Mahoney, what's happening?

- How you doing? - All right!

- Listen, Tim, I got a problem. - What's that?

- There's some guy ripping up my beach. - No!

- Yeah. - Who was it?

You!

- Listen, Tim. Do me a favor. - You got it!

- Get off the beach. - You don't got it!

- Come on, Tim, be a good boy. - No way! Out, guys!

So long, fuzz ball!

It's dirty work But somebody's got to do it

It's dirty work

You know that Somebody's got to care

It's dirty work It ain't easy

It's dirty work

You know somebody Somebody's got to do it

Got to do it

Never fool with a fuzz ball.

It's a real pleasure to welcome you men, and you, to the 16th Precinct.

My brother tells me you're among the finest ever to graduate the academy.

The 16th serves and protects what was once a great neighborhood.

Unfortunately, a vicious gang has taken over...

...and they're trying to control the streets.

We don't know who they are or where they come from.

We do know that they are scum.

And it is our job to find them and bust them.

You've all received training in the latest techniques in urban law enforcement.

Any of you have any special skills that I should know about?

I just learned to perform an emergency tracheotomy with a steak knife, sir.

So these academy rats are gonna save the precinct, right?

Hey, personally, lieutenant, I hope they fall flat on their asses.

- That could be arranged, you know. - What do you mean?

If they fail, Lassard's out. That makes me the captain.

If I'm captain, I'll need a new watch commander.

So?

- So we make sure they fail. - Who?

- The new recruits. - Why?

If they fail, Lassard is out. I'm in.

I'm gonna need somebody to be the new watch commander.

- Oh. - And you know who that's gonna be.

- Who? - You, dickhead. You.

Oh!

Oh, good idea.

- Not playing with a full deck, are you? - Oh, I don't play cards.

I want this to be the best damn Crime Suppression Unit in the city.

I want us to stand proud and walk tall.

More than anything...

...I want this to be, well...

...one big family...

...with a bunch of brothers and little sister...

...and one big mother.

Wake up! I am your watch commander.

When you foul up, and you will foul up...

...I'm gonna be there to write up a report.

Three bad reports, and you're suspended.

- What is your name? - Hooks, sir.

- Say that again. - Hooks.

Hooks. Well, Officer Hooks, can I please see your service revolver?

Don't point that gun at me.

- There's no round in the chamber. - I was afraid it might go off.

Oh, heavens to be! It might go off! That's one for Hooks.

You're on report. See how it works? It's real simple.

This squad deploys each day at 1000 hours.

Precisely 1000 hours.

Since you boys and girls are only rookies...

...you will be assigned a veteran officer...

...who will write up a report.

Okay, read the assignments.

- Fackler! - Yes, sir.

Officer Fackler. The gentleman on your right is Officer Dooley.

A fine man. He's gonna teach you a lot.

Tackleberry? - Yes, sir, sir!

Officer Tackleberry. You're trained for motorcycle duty?

Yes, sir!

You've got it. Meet Officer Kirkland at the motor pool.

- Thank you, sir! - Well, get going. Yeah! Go, go, go, go.

- Hightower. - Yo!

- Yo? - Yo, sir.

Yo, sir! Must be from the South. It's, "Yes, sir."

You got foot patrol. Okay, that's it.

- Thank you for your patience. - What about me? Don't I get a car?

"What about me, sir? Don't I get a car?"

You don't get a car. You get yourself a nice little desk...

...with a nice little chair, in a nice little office, for your nice little voice.

- Asshole. That's two.