Sprung

Are you pulling?

Yes, I'm pulling.

Well, pull harder.

Montel!

Montel, Boy, what are you doing here?

Don't you know you ain't supposed to see the bride before the ceremony?

Shoo!

Ooh.

Get ready, Montel.

You're about the last person who needs to be late.

Here's your tie.

Come on, come on, come on.

It's white.

It's supposed to be white, fool.

You're not supposed to be like everyone else.

You're supposed to stand out.

Damn, we should have got clip-ons.

Just cool out, man.

Everything's gonna be cool. Give me this thing.

I just don't want to mess anything up, man.

You got the ring?

Yeah.

Man, I must have left it in the car.

Damn! Damn!

See, it's a fact.

Women will make you act a fool.

And it all started about a year ago,

and damn, when some stuff happens, it happens fast.

Wasn't nobody even thinking about getting hitched.

And then...

Well, you know how it is when a brother gets sprung.

Clyde!

Yo. What's up, man?

Hey, man.

Man. Runnin' a little behind.

Come on in, man.

Hey, man, how many more times

you're going to check yourself in that mirror?

I've been waiting on your ass for 2 hours.

Montel, ain't been no 2 hours, man.

See, you know what your problem is?

What?

See, you never learned the art of meticulous grooming.

Ahh.

See, I had to.

Dark brother like myself had to always do something extra

just to get a woman to say hello

or her attention or something.

Now, what you yellow brothers have to do, you know,

is just braid your hair up,

and unleash a nice soft afro and bam!

Women follow you from here to Jupiter.

But you know what?

They ain't checking for you yellow niggas no more.

Real black is back.

Ha ha ha.

Isaac Hayes is in, man.

That dark chocolate chip brother.

It's blackety-black,

Wesley Snipes black-black shit is in, man.

I ain't bullshitting.

Yeah, they want a man that's hard!

Who says mo' black is mo' hard anyhow?

What about Farrakhan?

He's hard as they come, and he ain't that dark.

See, now why'd you have to bring Farrakhan into this?

'Cause I think he's relevant, man.

The brother got freckles.

See, Farrakhan get away with it

'cause Farrakhan is, you know.. He's got attitude.

And he dress hard, dress black.

Oh, so maybe I should wear a bow tie?

Man, a bow tie ain't gonna help you, man.

Look at you. Look how you dress.

What?

Come here. Come here.

What? What? What?

Look at this shit.

Come on. Ain't no bow tie gonna help this.

Where you going.. Fingerpainting?

I think that's cute.

What is this? This is nothing.

Where is the rest?

This is nothing.

Oh, no! No! I'm not wearing this.

Yes, you are.

No, I'm not.

You're so shy. I don't get it.

See, you've gotta have respect...

I'll find you something else.

Oh! Oh, no!

Is all that me?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

My butt... Damn!

Now I need hair.

Oooh!

Yes!

Wait a second.

Yeah, check it out.

See? I told you.

This outfit is the bomb.

Man, it's all red.

I'm feeling... Weird, man.

This ain't me.

I'm feeling like a stop sign or something.

Oh, come on, man.

Think of this as one of the colors

of, like, the true African Warriors,

like Shaka Zulu.

See, Shaka, he'd get some ass in this suit.

Yo, I can't believe Raphael let you borrow his Porsche.

You can't miss with the ladies with this, now.

Now, Clyde, you know you ain't got no money.

I know.

Brother ain't even got a bank card.

But you know what?

It's overdrawn.

What you doing?

Broke ass... Broke.

Ooh, brother got game.

Oh, now, now.

What you going to do with that receipt, man?

Man.

Damn, man.

Raphael gonna kick your ass

for fucking his car up like that.

Invitations?

Yeah, right here.

Can't get in?

Damn!

Seems like it's going on, too.

All right, y'all go ahead in.

Like that red though.

Oh, damn.

All this super-fine booty-booty up in here.

Hell, yes.

Damn, man, what you trippin' on?

Opportunity, man.

Opportunity.

There's some prime-rib put-together prospects

Up in here.

Looks like a bunch of dogs to me.

Well, of course, what do you expect? All men are dogs.

It's just figuring out which ones are worth your time.

Oh, God. What about him right there?

Mmm. Cute.

But one must not stop at looks alone.

You gotta evaluate the situation.

For instance...

Glasses.

Now they look like versace.

But take a closer look.

Fake.

$20 knock-offs for a $300 pair of frames.

Damn.

Mmm.

Looky here. Looky here now.

Shoes... 350.

Belt... 175.

Bulge... Average.

Watch... I'd say 250.

Now that's at least 775 worth of gear.

Add the clothes... 1200.

Ugh. He ain't that fine, but I can work with that.

Damn! Damn!

Yeah.

All right. Please.

Later.

It's my bad.

Ladies, how y'all remind me of the three degrees.

Y'all remember them? They sang.

Hey, how are you doing?

What say, you and me, you know?

Hmm. This one's wearing a suit, and it's red.

Yo, Clyde, you get any numbers?

Man, these women ain't hearing about nothing.

Brother steps to them with a Porsche key,

and they ain't even with the program.

Man, let's roll.

Yeah.