South Park

* i'm going down To south park *

* gonna have Myself a time *

* friendly faces Everywhere *

* humble folks Without temptation *

* going down To south park *

* gonna leave my Woes behind *

* ample parking Day or night *

* people spouting "howdy neighbor" *

* headin' on up To south park *

* gonna see If i can't unwind *

* tim-tmah tim-mah, Tim-mah tim-mah timmy tim-mah *

* so come on down To south park *

* and meet some Friends of mine *

Okay, here he comes.

Who wants to tell him ?

I'll do it.

Hey, fellas ! I'm glad you called me !

There's a pie eating contest Down at the firehouse,

And i thought We should all go !

Butters, could you Take a seat, please ?

Well, sure.

Butters, we have to have a very Difficult conversation.

What is it ?

Well, in the months since Our friend kenny died

You've really stepped up As a friend

And "filled the gap", So to speak.

Oh, it's my pleasure !

I love being you guys' New friend.

Yes, well, butters, It's just not working out.

Not working out ?

I'm afraid we're gonna have to Let you go-- as our friend.

You're just too...

Lame. Lame, yes.

But i can get better.

Butters, you just don't really Fit in with us here.

We think it's best For all of us

If you look for friendship Opportunities elsewhere.

But we certainly want to thank You for all your hard work

And attempts at Being our friend.

Lame as they were.

But i thought we were really Getting along great.

I thought we were really Having fun together.

Yes, well, we weren't.

Please, fellas, Don't fire me.

We're sorry, butters, Our mind is made up.

But we certainly want to Thank you for coming by.

You know your way out, right ?

Phew ! Whew !

He took that Pretty well i think.

Who cares ?

So let's get started On who's gonna be

The new person to Take kenny's place.

The world isn't fair.

I do everything People ask me to.

I stand in the Lunch lines for them...

I buy tampons at The store for them...

I go on maury povich with Balls on my chin for them.

And yet, Nobody accepts me.

I am an outcast--

A shadow of a man who can find No companionship,

No love from others.

Fine !

If i'm to be An outcast, so be it.

I'm through doing what Others tell me to do,

And i am sick of this world And the stinky people in it.

From now on, I will dedicate my life

To bringing chaos to the world That has dejected me !

I will become the Greatest super-villain

The world has ever seen !

Where i go, Destruction will follow !

Prepare, oh little town.

Prepare for the Greatest super-villain

You have Ever seen...

Professor chaos !

Butters, time for bed.

Okay, mom.

Yes, sleep for now.

Tomorrow, The chaos begins.

Ha ha...

Ha ha ha...

Ha ha ha Ha ha ha !

Ah ha ha ha !

Alright, we want to thank Everybody for coming,

This is a great turnout.

Uh, as you know, our friend Kenny died a few months ago

And we are looking to fill The void with a new friend.

You've all been selected As possible candidates,

But unfortunately there is Only room for one of you.

And so, stan and kyle and i will Be spending the next few days

Going out with each one of you, And narrowing our choices down,

Until we think we've found The perfect friend.

Are there any questions ?

What if we don't Want to be your friend ?

Clyde... Okay ?

Now, the first thing we have To do is cut the list down

From 20 choices to 10.

And so today we will All be going

To the amusement park together To see who we want to cut.

Please keep in mind this Will all be videotaped,

So put on your best friend faces And may the best friend win !

Oh, and we will be needing A $10 per person entrance fee.

Order 23 is up, And order 24 is up.

Uh, waitress, i actually Ordered the chicken soup.

This is minestrone.

Yeah, i had the Minestrone over here.

Ah ha ha ! Ha ha ha haaa !

Ha ha ha Ha haaa !

I am professor chaos !

And now this puny world Will bow down to me !

Ha ah ha haaa !

So today, we went to The amusement park

With all our Possible friends.

It was a really fun time, We rode all the rides,

And everyone Got along great.

I think the person That stood out most

At the amusement park Was jimmy.

Well, the reason i think i would Make the perfect fourth friend

Is that i love Telling jokes.

You know, who doesn't Like to laugh ?

Tweek-- now there's An interesting choice.

Tweek has a lot of qualities That i look for in a friend.

What if they don't Pick me ?

What if they Get us all, man ?

I mean, christ, if they can Get to the pentagon

They can get To us all, man !

Aaagh !

I think i deserve to take Kenny's place the most,

Because i've been hanging around These guys for like, five years

And i never get To say or do anything.

Yeah, i've always Seen that kid in class,

But he never does anything, He's more like a prop.

Towelie is a tough choice, Because even though i can see

How always having a towel around Could come in handy,

He's just always so high.

Yeah, i really hope I win because--

Wait, what is this again ?

I have no idea What's going on.

We decided to get some One-on-one time with jimmy

And ride the log ride.

And the great thing was that Because jimmy's crippled

We got to go to The front of the line.

That was definitely big points For jimmy, y'know.

But then, we get to The ride itself and...

Hey, i'm gonna need some help Getting in the log, fellas.

Oh, shut her down, Someone needs assistance.

Oh, really ?

That's gonna Cost some points.

But right now i'd say if we're Gonna have a retard for a friend

I'd have to pick timmy,

Because timmy doesn't Tell lame jokes.

Boy, isn't this Great, fellas ?

Are we great pals Or what ?

One thing's for sure,

Picking our new friend Isn't gonna be easy.

Kneel !

Kneel before Professor chaos !

Ha ha, ha ha ha !

Ahh ha ha haa ! Ha ha haaa !

Hee ha ha ha haa !

Oh, the look on their faces When they got the wrong soup !

I love bringing chaos !

Ha !

Ha ha haa !

And that is only The beginning.

Ha ha ha, Ha ha ha haa !!

Alright, everyone, It was a tough decision

But based on our time with you All at the amusement park,

We have whittled our Choices down to 10.

If you receive a rose, Please stay.

If you don't, please Get the fudge out.

Kyle, will you announce the People we want to stay ?

Token...

Clyde...

Craig...

Timmy...

Timmy !

Oh, man, this is Too much pressure !

Pip...

Jimmy...

Jason...

Towelie...

Louigi.

Just one rose left, kyle, Who does it go to ?

Tweek.

Aah !

Alright, the rest of you, Thanks for coming,

Get the fudge out.

I didn't make the cut ?

Oh god, i didn't Make the cut ?

I didn't even get a chance To have them get to know me.

Alright, congratulations to Those of you selected to stay.

In the end, one of you Will be the new kenny.

Good luck.

Good morning, butters.

It certainly is, mother !

Did you hear about What's been going on ?

Some horrible new Super-villain

Made somebody get the wrong Soup order at bennigan's.

No, i didn't Hear about that.

You, you didn't ?