Search Party

Hello?

- Hey, Lylah, it's Richard. Your brother.

- Richard, I...haven't heard your voice in years.

Listen, I need your help.

I'm listening.

- Well, wouldn't you know, the boy is making waves.

You know, it seems that he's hiding out

in your house in Massachusetts.

- Oh, that's fine. I always hated that house.

And we believe that he, uh--

I hate using this word-- uh, kidnapped a woman.

Oh.

I'm calling so that we can

just keep this in the family.

You have to do whatever it takes to just keep this quiet.

- Well, that's what I do, Richard.

I keep things quiet.

- Great. That was it.

Listen, if you need anything,

just put it on the company card, okay?

Okay.

I see how it is.

"Hello, Lylah. Just put it on the card.

Just put it on the card, Lylah. Just put it on the card."

Well, I have my own cards, you know.

Okay. Fine.

I'm sorry. Didn't mean to ruffle you.

I thought we put the past behind us.

And yet, here we are.

Fine, I'll take care of it.

And Richard...

it's lovely hearing from you.

I miss you.

I miss you too.

Hey, Lylah? - Yes?

- Thank you. - Anytime.

Nadia!

- Da? - Prepare the plane.

- Where to, Ms. Lylah? - Babyfoot.

I don't wanna do this.

I do not wanna do this, okay?

If I call Marc

and ask him where Dory is,

he's gonna think I'm, like,

begging him to take me back,

and then he'll think that he won.

Yeah, I mean, no offense,

but he did win.

I mean, he left you at the altar.

That's, like, a huge win for him.

Yeah, babe.

There is no coming back from that, sorry.

I have a TV show! I won!

- Oh, you sold your soul to the devil for that show.

He won! - Oh, fuck you guys!

Like I would ever take

relationship advice from you virgins!

- - Excuse you?

- Give me the phone. - I'm not a virgin.

I lost my virginity young.

Let's get this over with.

Oh, my God.

Let it ring once. Let it ring twice.

Hello?

Hey, can I speak to Marc?

This is he.

Is this Elliott?

Yeah, hey, it's Elliott!

What's up?

Not much.

Just bought a crib.

I'm trying to adopt a baby,

but it's a lot harder than you'd think.

Whoa, a baby?

Yeah, you know,

I'm just ready to be a dad.

Though I made the mistake on my application of checking off

the "Do you use drugs recreationally?"

And then in the margin, I just wrote "coke."

Sorry.

I think it hurt my odds. I'm so sorry, ma'am.

- Totally. That's insane.

Do you know where Dory is?

- Oh, okay. I see what this is about.

Someone is jealous

that I organically infiltrated their friend group.

Well, Dory and I don't need your permission

to hang out, okay?

It is what it is. You need to let go of the past.

- Oh--are you--is this about the whole wedding thing?

Okay, come on. Marc, we were kids, okay?

And I'm sincerely having trouble remembering

who left who at the altar.

No, no.

I'm just kind of worried about Dory.

She's been kind of MIA recently,

and I just wanted to know where you saw her.

- Oh, I wouldn't worry about her.

I saw her in this delicious ice cream shop

in this little town in Massachusetts called Babyfoot.

It's adorable. -

It's shaped like a baby's foot.

Did she seem like she was in any danger or anything?

No, not at all.

She looked really happy. Great wig.

And we had a really incredible conversation.

She did scream, "Dory is dead" and then run away from me,

but, you know, I think that was my fault.

I'm so weird socially--

We're going to Babyfoot.

Oh, my goodness.

Call baby brother.

- Hello? - Richard.

I made it to Babyfoot, and I'm in the house.

Chip is not.

The situation has turned sour, though.

There's a dead body. - Oh, the Dory girl?

Oh, uh...

No, I don't think it is the Dory girl.

This woman is old. Provincial.

Oh, and there's a room full of chains.

I don't remember them being there when we bought the house.

- Huh. Wow.

- Well, it looks like someone has been living here.

Oh, so creative.

Oh, he could have been such a successful artist.

Well, there it is.

Torture, captivity, murder most foul.

That is what they're gonna say.

And who knows what really happened?

He's such a sweet boy. -

- No, don't worry. I'll take care of everything.

Damage control.

- Hi, sweetheart. I have a question.

There used to be a candy bar with a big hole in it.

It was long and thin but thick enough

for there to be a stable hole in it.

Do you remember what I'm talking about?

I've been on the hunt for it for years.

- Well, I don't know. We got muffins.

We--yeah, I don't know. I'm not sure.

Is there anywhere, maybe back there, that you--

- ...and I'll just track her down

and we'll pay her off.

Unless, of course, she's just thankful,

grateful for such a wonderful experience,

and then maybe she won't want anything.

Well, $50,000, $60,000. I don't know.

I mean, I don't know what kind of person she is.

Hi. I want gas.

I want all the gas that you have.

That's my car right out in front, just put it in there.

This is $1,000.

It is, isn't it?

That's for all the gas you have.

And this is another $1,000

so that you don't tell anybody about this.

We're talking $2,000 now.

- Yes. One and one is $2,000.

And this is my friend. She's missing.

And I thought maybe you'd seen her around town.

You know, we're very concerned about her.

- We got one hour. - What for?

To pack up our entire lives and start over.

- Why? What's happening?

- My family is in town! - Oh.

- All right, we're here. - Oh, boy.

Okay, I'm only just now seeing some of these comments.

"Something's off about her."

"Prayers for her." "Wow."

"Am I the only one who finds her very strange?"

"Fester Addams with a wig."

That's mean. - Yeah.

And she's our friend, so...

- All right. Everybody ready? - Yeah.

- Portia, what on Earth are you doing?

Ugh, Drew.

I'm doing promotional stuff for my movie, okay?

They're, like, making me post this official announcement

of myself playing Dory on my social media.

Anyway, it's just, like,

showbiz stuff you wouldn't understand, Drew--no offense.

Okay, don't talk. Okay, thank you.

Hi, everybody!

I'm so excited to share with you an exclusive first look,

sneak peek of my transformation as Dory Sief

in "Savage: The Dory Sief Story,"

directed by the genius Lassie Kazar,

who won a Ladypants Award for "Einstein in Miami."

Oh, my God, right? But yeah.

So you can regard this post as the official cast announcement

of me playing Dory Sief.