Swamp Thing

So there's the swamp. Where's the nearest good restaurant?

Depends. If you're a human, it's back in Washington.

But if you're a 'gator, could be right where we land.

Thank your lucky stars you're comin' in at the end of this.

Holland insisted on building it all out here. He said this is where the life is.

One of those life forms nailed the guy you're replacing.

What? They sent a woman out here?

- Where are you goin'? - Couldn't take it any more.

Well, he lasted longer than most.

Boo.

No!

Weird, isn't it? The local fishermen say this place is haunted.

I don't know where we are, Toto, but this sure isn't Kansas.

What?

Nothing.

Used to be a church until about 50 years ago, then the levee broke.

It's just been us and the deer flies for the last ten weeks.

Welcome back, sir. What did Washington say?

That's confidential.

- It's OK, Miss. I got it. - But you can start packin'.

All right.

Where's this go? Give me a hand over here with this.

What does Holland think about going back to Washington?

I doubt he's been told. Ritter couldn't believe me when I gave him the news.

- Do you think Washington's paranoid? - Do you think the Pope is Catholic?

This is your place.

You probably haven't seen half this stuff. It's all new. This is a laser...

I got a trick for fixing that.

They send someone who knows what she's doin' the week they pull us out!

What's he working on?

- Who? - Holland.

This thing is so hush-hush, no one asks. Something to do with plants.

Where the hell's my man? I thought he was back.

Hey, Charlie!

The emperor calls. Come on.

Hey, you know there's a...

What's going on here? Get those crates into the church.

You men in the boat! What are you doing? Get that damn thing outta sight!

Lamebrains!

Charlie, welcome back. And this is Hank's replacement?

Cable, Harry Ritter, Project Field Supervisor.

One of your sensors is reading malfunction.

Not surprising. They rot in a week in these swamps.

Charlie, did you get them to change their minds?

Anything wrong?

A rumour. Somebody's heard Arcane's gotten wind of the project.

- I thought Arcane was dead. - He is. Who said that Arcane's onto this?

Nobody's taking credit for it. You know Washington.

All it takes is one loudmouth to spill this to Holland

and the whole project goes to hell, do you know that?

Yes, sir.

That goes for you, too.

Come on. I keep the number of people near to him at a minimum.

This admits the three of us, and the Hollands.

It was programmed for your prints this morning. Try it.

The stuff I have put up with - alligators, bugs, snakes, and now rumors.

Charlie, I want to hear everything about the Arcane business, now.

What about that sensor in sector three?

Get somebody to take you there and take a look.

Me?

In the swamps?

- Any luck there? - Wiggle your fingers.

Lose a contact lens?

Funny.

Well, don't just stand there. Give us a hand. Right about in the middle.

Please?

I dropped a Cooper's digger.

Would you look under the rocks, please?

Go ahead.

What's a Cooper's digger? A shovel?

Nah...

Just Alessandro.

He's got a little one-celled animal living in his fur that makes a terrific host.

Terrific. I'll remember that the next time I throw a party.

Oh, not bad. Not bad.

- You don't have to be crazy around him... - But it helps?

Alice Cable, new kid on the block. You part of Holland's crew?

I'm Linda Holland.

You're Dr Holland.

I'm a Dr Holland, but not the Dr Holland, boy genius and oddball.

That's Alec. He's the brains. I just cook up what he invents.

Don't believe her. She's got an IQ like a phone number.

I want you to run up a Variation on the formula with the host on Alessandro's fur.

OK.

Hello. I understand you have a sensor out. Do you wanna go out and take a look?

Well, I guess I could ask Charlie to give us an escort.

We could ask your mother to come along, too. Come on.

The only dangerous thing out there is the government agents with their popguns.

It's your first day. I'll take you on a Cook's tour.

Ritter's always after me to get some fresh air. He'll be tickled pink.

What do you say?

Oh, man.

You look like a tree.

Sometimes I feel like a tree.

- Like the swamps? - Hate the swamps. Hate bugs.

- Hate things without legs. - A neatness freak, huh?

- You could eat off my kitchen floor. - You could eat off the swamps.

Maybe half the world could eat off the swamps.

More than likely, the swamps will eat off us.

Like, what happened to the guy I'm replacing?

The 'gator was only following his natural way. Can't blame a guy for that.

I paid a fortune for these boots.

You'd better keep movin'. There's quicksand around here.

- Keep your eyes open, too. - For what?

One of these just might jump out and do you in.

There's over 100 species of genus orchis here.

So much beauty in the swamps, if you open up your eyes to it.

Take a look into your own body, one of God's most magnificent creations,

and what do you see?

Straight lines and deodorant, chrome and Formica? No, no, no.

You see blood and bone, pump and flow, and a million messy miracles.

Look at the most creative thing man and woman can do together

and you'll see something growing, unpredictable,

magical, hot.

Save the malarkey for your wife, Holland.

If you don't mind, where the hell's the sensor?

It's right over there.

Looks OK to me.

Here, let me help.

Well, it doesn't look OK to me.

- Let's get back. - All right.

Charlie?

Charlie!

Cable, what the hell is your story?

Anything suspicious happen while we were gone?

You're damn right. Something suspicious did happen.

A stupid broad of an agent, first day on the Job,

takes a scientist we're supposed to be guarding for a romp in the bush.

- Hold it. Just cool it. - You think you're on a picnic?

Wait. It was my idea to take her out there. She was doin' her job.

- Why do you have to be so worried? - It's my job to worry.

And if I have my way, you'll be on the next chopper back to Washington.

A woman has no place around a guy like you.

There's a cut sensor out there.

- Which sector? - Sector three.

Hank was working on that when he was bitten by the 'gator.

He didn't put it all back together again before we took him to the hospital.

- "Tickled pink", huh? - I'm really sorry, Cable.

Well, I guess you can't be blamed for following your natural way.

Did either of you see one of our guys out there? Ronnie?

- No. Why? - We seem to have lost contact with him.

- Linda, are you all right? - It's OK, it's OK.

The damnedest thing.

You know this new batch you had me cook up with the host from Alessandro?

I knew we were up to something revolutionary, but this is dynamite.

Watch.

- Incredible. - Weird, huh?

- Yeah. - Congratulations.

You've managed to reinvent nitro. Let's hope this project doesn't end with a bang.

Come on, Charlie, please. I gotta write this down.

I thought you were working on a weapons System.

- I knew it wasn't just plants. - Plants, plants.

The only way I thought my work would be explosive was socially.

It's never been this volatile before.

Linda, prep a sample of that for the electron microscope, please.

- And be very careful with it. - What is it you've been doing here?

Come over here. I'll show you.

You see those little guys?

DNA chromosomes from the common lab bacilli E. Coli.

Now, you see that one? Another simple bacilli. Plant matrix called D complex.

Each of these organisms have existed in the labs for years, but always separately,

since one is animal, the other's vegetable.

This is what we've developed over the last couple of months.

See that little guy? Never existed on the face of the earth before. That's my baby.

A simple vegetable cell with an unmistakable animal nucleus.

Recombinant DNA?

Hey, that's very good.

I am very dose to developing a plant with an animal's aggressive power for survival.

A plant for the 21st century.

You want watermelons the size of weather balloons

or tomatoes that'll fetch a stick?

Or a tomato that could grow in the desert. Or soybeans that could thrive in Biafra.

Or corn that could grow in the USA in the year 2001,

when there'll be 6.5 billion people on this planet, all of them hungry.

- How you doin' there, Linda? - It's all set. Vector 3379.

OK.

- It's replicating like mad. - It certainly is.

Let's try it on something.

Cable, would you bring that flask of water over here, please?

Thank you.

If it would work on plants the way you want it to, what will it do to people?

- And what if it falls into wrong hands? - Arcane boogieman mentality, huh?

OK, now we begin. 2000 water,

one part formula.

2000 water, 6.30 March 20th.

How long before you'll know?

What do you want it to do, jump out and dance a fandango?

I don't know. A week maybe, maybe longer.

This has all the thrills of watching grass grow.

Aren't there some sensors you could be working on?

Oops.

Forget it. He's just ridiculously sensitive. Our dad was the same.

Your dad?

You've never heard of Walter Holland the biophysicist?

Nobel prize. He used to throw a mean Bunsen burner, I can tell you.

Alec and I spent half our childhood cleaning up after his tantrums.

Perfectionist to the day he died. Alec's the same.

- Oh, my God. - What is that?

Cable, I don't believe this.

All the places that Linda dropped the formula, the boards grew.