Rideshare

So, is this your main gig?

Or just your side hustle?

Hmm, the silent type, eh?

That's how I like my men anyway.

Wanna be my boyfriend?

Uh.

Ah. - Oopsy.

Jeez.

Boy,

you look thirsty.

Here,

have some water.

I'm good, thanks.

I insist.

So what are your plans for the night?

Anything

special?

Um, you know, just the uje.

How 'bout you?

A little bit of this,

and a little bit of that.

Total.

This taste kinda funny.

It should.

What?

I said it should, shouldn't it?

Um,

no.

Why?

It's an off-brand.

Oh.

Oh, look at that.

Here we are.

Have a good night.

Yeah,

you too.

Uh, can you, please, un...

Help me, mm.

You just have to push it.

Hard. - Okay.

Thanks.

Wait, Alissa?

Yeah?

You forgot something.

What is--

I live in Hollywood.

It's a shit hole.

People come here from all over the world

just to be disappointed.

Dreamers move here to accomplish their dreams,

and end up accomplishing nothing.

The only honest thing about this place

is the dishonesty.

The boulevard of broken dreams.

People trying to deceive you at every corner.

Tourist traps out the yang.

The only place where you can see all the super heroes.

Vader, Sponge Bob, all sucking off the teet of society.

They're the true winners.

They're they only so-called actors

that are actually working.

Schmucks give 'em five bucks a pop for a pic.

Good for them.

Hi, there.

Jason, correct?

Yes.

Okay, this is our first time.

Yeah, we're virgins. (chuckling)

Well, at this anyway.

I'm kiddin' around.

I'm kiddin' around.

- I had a half a glass of vino before I got in your car.

I had the other half.

We don't normally do that.

No.

It was good wine.

Really good.

From a box.

Yeah.

So how do you like driving?

Yeah, do you do the Lyft as well?

Do you ever get any weirdos in the car?

Oh, my God, please tell us some stories.

What do you mean?

Any weirdos, you ever get any weirdos

in the car? - Yeah, yeah.

All the time.

Oh, my gosh, what happened?

Tell me, tell me, tell me, I wanna know.

Normally?

Normally or weirdly.

- Well. - Tell us.

Yeah, what'd you do?

When that happens,

if they're

weird. - Ah.

Or annoying.

Right.

I hate those people.

- I, - Oh, my God,

Tell us, tell us. - Tell us, tell us,

tell us, you gotta tell us.

I kill them.

Oh,

you really had me. - Oh, my God.

Oh, my gosh.

- That freaked me out. - That was good.

I really thought you killed people.

Wow.

That was good. - That was good.

Have you done any acting?

'Cause you could be good.

- Yeah. - Would you like

to hear a joke?

Do I have a severe astigmatism?

Yes.

He's 100% blind.

- Hmm. - I can't see a thing.

No, but seriously, I'd love to hear a joke.

A man walks into a bar.

Mm, been there.

He's like, wow,

there's so many beautiful women in this bar.

So he goes up to the bar,

and there's a man sitting at the bar,

and he says to the man,

hey, buddy,

do you see all these beautiful women here at this bar?

And the man says,

yes,

and in fact,

I can have sex

with any women in this bar.

Now the man looks at him weird and says,

hold on a minute,

what makes you think you can have sex

with any women in this bar?

And the man takes a drink and looks at him and says,

because I'm a rapist.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

You know what I could see you doing?

Hosting one of those murder mystery shows,

where you give that deadpan

the whole time. - Yeah.

- You know? - Oh, I, I could totally

do something like that.

- Absolutely. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I mean, my husband here

can point you in the right direction

'cause he does improv every Saturday night

at the Yuks Yard.

Guilty, guilty.

The Yuks Yard?

Sounds like a real hootenanny.

- It really is. - It is.

You know, we have a whole troop.

- Yeah. - Um, for instance,

this one time we had about 14 of us in the group.

- Oh, my God, so funny. - And we started doing

Yuk you.

Oh.

Oh.

Would you look at that?

We're here.

Wow, yeah, that was fast.

Thank you. - Mm.

You should totally come tomorrow night.

It's totally free.

Yeah, it's just a two drink minimum.

Mm-hmm, and parking is $20 dollars,

but it's from from 9 to ten,

so if you move your car then you're fine,

but hang onto your ticket if you park

in the lot across the street

because if you lose it's a $100 dollars which is crazy.

And I made that mistake twice, so.

- Yeah, it's $220 to get it out of impound.

- Yeah. - Which they

will do to you.

- Yeah. - Sounds

like a plan.

- Good, okay. - Great.

Alright, we'll see you tomorrow.

- Yuks Yard, 8 o'clock. - Yes, see you tomorrow.

See you tomorrow, thank you.

- See you tomorrow. - See you tomorrow.

Bye, Jason. (laughing)

- See you tomorrow. - Bye.

I'd rather set myself on fire.