Ordinary Lies

~ He's gone, Beth. ~ 'He's the father of my kids.'

~ I've discovered something. ~ According to records,

~ the number was registered to a Marianne Morton. ~ Marianne Morton?

A friend of my brother's, calls himself DJ Strange Waves.

He's my passport out this place.

OK, if you'd like to take a seat,

there are teas, coffees and juices for the children.

Our sales advisor will be with you very shortly, OK?

Er, important e-mail about next week.

~ Viv's just sent it. ~ What is it? ~ Check your e-mail.

Whoa!

We're going to Ibiza! Whoa!

Well, I hope you save some energy for my hen night, it's like two days

~ after you get back. ~ Oh, you know me, I'm always up for a party. ~ Oh, yes!

And I don't care how funny you think it is, I'm telling you now,

all of you, no stripper.

Ooh, er... It's too late. It's already been booked.

In't that right, Pete?

You busy, are you?

Isn't it bad enough to manage without both receptionists

for a week without you doing nothing when you're actually here?!

How are they supposed to sell with all that going on, eh?

You're in charge!

I am on fire today! I could sell condoms to Catholics.

~ What are the kids' names? ~ Er, Sophie and George.

George! Sophie! I've heard you two want to buy a car.

I'm looking at you, pal, I reckon you want Beemer, yeah?

~ What the hell was that? ~ You're not one of the girls any more, Marianne.

You're management. You want to start behaving like it.

I thought we'd sorted all this. If you've got an accusation

to make about me and Dave, then I suggest you just make it.

Or, better still, let's take it to Mike.

You say the calls are work calls, nothing more.

At weekends?

Two in the morning? Five times a night?

~ He was my manager! ~ Fine! ~ We were under a lot of pressure. ~ Yeah

~ You don't believe me? ~ No, I don't.

But I can't prove anything, so...

Where does that leave us?

I don't have to take this.

You can think what you like.

~ Hiya. ~ Hey, love.

Oh, thanks for waiting

~ We were starving! ~ Microwave, two minutes.

Well, stuff you, anyway!

This time tomorrow, I'll be drinking cocktails in the Spanish sun.

Did you get me those suitcases out of the loft?

~ Oi! ~ Yeah, um, they're in your room.

~ Two suitcases? ~ Mm-hm. ~ How much stuff do you need for a week in Ibiza?

"Playa Dorada in the Dominican Republic

"has a sparkling ten mile shoreline

"fronted by a coral reef and aquamarine blue lagoons

"backed by green hills shrouded in sugarcane,

"banana palms and lush tropical vegetation."

Oh, my, it sounds like paradise!

~ Nicer than Ibiza, right? ~ I'm dreading the flight.

~ Ten hours? ~ We're going to turn it into a party plane.

~ Whoo-whoo! ~ Whoo-whoo!

So, what are you wearing on the flight?

Er, probably my Tulisa jumpsuit. What about you?

~ Pink racer back... ~ Ooh. ~.. and trainers.

~ Nice! ~ Yeah!

Ahem!

~ Tickets. ~ Yeah. ~ Cash. ~ Mm-hm.

~ You'll be met outside the airport by two guys I know. ~ OK.

They'll introduce themselves as Bale and Ronaldo. Not their real names.

Why? Do they look like 'em?

Only from a distance.

~ Have a good holiday. ~ We will.

Mwah!

Ow!

~ Here, babe. ~ Thank you!

Palm trees in the airport! I'm stripping off naked!

~ No? ~ Yes! ~ You can't... ~ Oh?

~ Oh? ~ Oh, hello. ~ Hello.

~ Vivian and Tracy? ~ Yeah! ~ Are you Bale and Ronaldo?

Yeah!

~ Oh, my God! ~ I like that!

~ Whatcha doing, little girl? ~ Whoo! Yeah! ~ Hi.

~ Welcome to the Dominican Republic! ~ Thank you. ~ Thank you.

Si Ella No Me Quiere by Eddy K

All right, girls?

Typical! You come halfway across the world and you meet Scousers!

~ Trace? ~ Yeah?

I love being here with you.

Aw!

I love being here with you too.

~ Are you trying to do a wee? ~ Yeah!

I am!

Eugh! You dirty cow!

~ YOU'RE a dirty cow! ~ YOU'RE a dirty cow!

Hey, skinny girls.

~ There is no food in England? ~ Why?

~ Do you like big girls? ~ Something to get your hands on?

You met men last night, huh?

What's it to you?

~ You had sex with them? ~ No!

No, and don't be telling Jimmy that either!

English girls can't drink.

You get pissed and start saying stupid things.

~ Er, we told them nothing! ~ Good! ~ Listen...

He'll be watching you.

And what's that meant to mean?

You are here for a purpose. Don't forget it.

Anyone die today, Marty?

Grace!

Grace.

~ Did you get my texts? ~ I deleted them.

I meant what I said, you know, I...

I'm sorry.

You deserve better.

Thanks for not...

~.. you know. ~ Ruining your marriage?

Yeah.

It was one night... and not even that good.

Hardly worth tearing a family apart for.

You all right, Amelie? Mm, you coping?

~ Shouldn't I get paid double for this if I'm covering two jobs? ~ No.

Tracy and Viv only work half as hard as you.

~ Hi, Ziggy. ~ Oh, hi, Emily. ~ Amelie.

What are you doing with your dog at work?

He's depressed.

I couldn't leave him at home.

~ Depressed? ~ Mm, he's lost his girlfriend.

Cheryl.

~ (Cheryl?) ~ Mm-hm.

She's a dachshund.

Right, what, did she die or...?

Moved away. Well, she used to live next door with Mark and Sally,

but they've gone. Separated.

He caught her in bed with the bloke from the fish shop, so, um...

Cheryl now lives in Sussex.

See, that's the trouble with adultery...

It's always the innocents that suffer.

Right.

Is Mike in?

How many times do we have to send Customs and Excise

the same information? How many times?! Tell them we've sent it!

~ What's up with him? ~ Hung-over.

His wife's back.

Kurt Gieger boots! Jil Sander dress!

Gold chain like Beyonce wears!

Juicy Couture tracksuit and Mulberry jacket.

Louis Vuitton bag.

iPhone, iPad...

Hair extensions!

Boob job!

Whoo!

~ We're going to have it! ~ Oh, yeah!

Let You Go by Chase & Status Feat. Mali

Hi, boss.

What's up, brother?

Thank you for assisting us.

We'll make this easy as possible.

Drink these to lubricate the throat.

You look like girls who can swallow.

Go ahead.

Again.

Good girls.

Yes.

You must check in separately.

Sit separately.

You don't talk to each other till you get into the plane.

Understand?

Next, please?

~ Good holiday? ~ Yeah, thanks, yeah.

One moment.

Next?

Thank you.

Customs officer is coming.

~ Customs? Why? ~ Procedure.

Look, is there a problem?

I mean, I'm just going back home from my holiday.

~ What do Customs want me for? ~ They won't be a moment.

~ This is your gate number. ~ Yeah. ~ The gate number is seven. ~ Thank you.

~ Have a good flight. ~ Thanks.

~ Come with me, please. ~ Why, what for?

~ Just some questions. ~ Well, I'm just going back home from holiday.

Follow me, please.

~ Can I go to the loo? ~ No, no toilet.

Mm-hm.

Shoes off.

~ Shoes. ~ All right.

This way.

Um, what's this? What am I doing?

X-ray.

No, no, look, you see, I've... I've got to get my plane.

What about my plane? Someone's picking me up. I've got to go home.

Look, you can't do this to me! I'm English!

'We are pleased to announce

'that Flight 217 to Manchester is ready for boarding.

'At this time, we'd like to invite anyone...'

It's raining back at home.

We hope you've had a pleasant trip

to the Dominican Republic...

~ I can't go over five grand. I just... can't. ~ Dad!

~ I can't. ~ OK, I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll go and speak to the sales manager,

cos I don't want to see this boy in tears, I really don't.

Mini Cooper. I need you to come and play bad cop.