black-ish

Keeping a large family together has its challenges,

and lately, it seems like

everybody's doing their own thing.

Ha-ha! Hey, game night!

I got Cranium and Jenga.

I also have Bananagrams.

Closed doors were not an option when I was growing up.

I'll put that back when you move out.

But then I won't need it.

Keep talking. I'll take this whole room apart.

When I was growing up, you weren't allowed

to separate yourself from your family,

which is why I try to find ways

to remind my kids that they're a part

of something greater than themselves.

Hey, babe.

Check this out. Look what I got today.

- Oh, those are so cute. - Yeah, right?

- The kids are gonna hate them. - But... maybe.

But they will hate them together.

Hey, hey, slow your roll.

I need to talk to you two.

Look, I want us to start operating

more like a team around here.

Spending more time together, appreciating each other.

Dad, are you dying?

No, fool.

Look, we're all going to support Jack

at his baseball game,

and we're all going to wear these t-shirts

- to show family unity. - Oh, that sounds great.

Except I'm not wearing the shirt or going to the game.

Okay.

What I have to say to that

is wear the shirt or be grounded.

Can we take a minute to huddle?

Okay.

What I have to say to that is wear the shirt or eat.

We're still gonna need that minute.

Black-ish - 01x09 Colored Commentary

2-1...

Okay, so when it's your turn next,

you focus, Jack, okay?

Focus, J.J.

I should've eaten this shirt.

I should've gotten adopted by Madonna.

I should've peed at home.

I think they're using a different brand of hot dog.

I didn't hear the snap.

Did you hear the snap?

I hear my social status crashing.

There it goes.

Now batting number 9, Jack Johnson.

Let's see what this natural athlete

can do against this smart pitcher.

What does that mean?

What are you talking about, hon?

This announcer... I don't like what he's saying.

Run! Run!

No chance for a play, not the way this boy runs...

Like a panther.

Oh, come on.

Ladies, that doesn't strike any of you as odd?

Natural athlete? Panther?

That's pretty coded language.

- Didn't pick that up. - No? No.

It's okay. My husband will understand.

Dre. Hmm?

Dre, come here. I want to talk to you.

Nice hit, Jack! Way to go!

- My genes. - Yeah.

- Dre. - What?

Did you hear that announcer?

Not really. I was listening to my hot dog.

He said some weird stuff about Jack

that really raised my racial antenna.

Oh. Really?

Your race card, sir.

Ah, my African-American express.

I've been waiting since yesterday to use you.

Hit me with it. What did I miss?

Okay, well, he started

- by saying Jack was a natural athlete. - Which he is.

And then he called the other kids smart,

but he didn't call Jack smart.

Well...

Dre, and then he said our baby ran like a panther.

That's cool. Come on.

Get to the juicy offensive stuff.

I got this race card burning a hole in my pocket.

Look at him go!

This kid was born to steal!

See?!

What?

That is exactly what I'm talking about.

Did you hear that?

Bow, he said Jack was born to steal bases, not TVs.

Sadly, I won't be playing my race card today.

Very good, sir.

Will I be seeing you later at chick-fil-a?

Probably.

Why are you just standing there?

Because you're not gonna have me going around here

playing the race card all Willy-Nilly.

- I'm not Donald trump. - Are you serious?

Bow, I think this is more of a sports thing

and not a race thing.

We think so, too.

Hey.

Thank you. Okay.

Dre, you're the Marco Polo of racism.

You find racism everywhere.

Because racism is everywhere, except here.

Okay.

Hey, Jack!

Run like the cops is on yo ass!

Whoo!

- So, that was fun, huh? - Which part?

The part where you threw me under the bus or the part where you stepped on the gas?

- What? - You had me looking like a jackass, Dre.

You just left me flapping in the wind

all flippity flip flap.

I thought we were team Johnson.

We are, babe, but...

All those moms looking at me like I was a nut.

Well, there were some dads, too.

Why do I blurt?

Even if you thought I was wrong,

which I was not, you should've had my back.

Okay, so, you want me to act like you're right

- even when you're wrong? - Precisely.

And agree with you when I don't.

Yes. That would be best.

Ah.

Okay.

So, you threw your wife under the bus, Dre?

That's a bad move.

I did the same thing to Margaret.

Broke up our first and third marriages.

I liked Margaret.

She was much nicer to me the third time.

Well, not to me.

Look, whatever your differences are,

figure it out, because we need all spouses here tonight

for the museum event.

It's a huge new client.

Damn it! I forgot about that.

Hopefully, I can convince Bow to go with me.

We need Bow here tonight, okay?

She knows all about art,

and my wife knows nothing about nothing.

That's what you get

when you make small talk on a Southwest flight.

So, you spent all of yesterday making me look bad,

and I'm supposed to spend tonight making you look good?

- Yes, that's what I'm asking. - Mm-hmm.

Plus, you look so sexy when you talk art.

- Dre. - Hey, mama.

Talk some art for me right now, please.

Dre, stop it.

- Come on, baby, talk that art to me. - Stop.

You mean like... Cezanne?

What about Cezanne?

Well, he was known for his very tight brush work.

Damn it, you know I love tight brush work.

He would fill an entire canvas with his landscape.

Don't stop. Don't stop.

- He loved to experiment. - With what?

- Muted colors. - Ooh!

- Stop it. - Okay, okay.

Save some for the party.

Fine, but you need to tell Zoey and Junior that they're babysitting tonight.

Babysit?!

But mom said Zach and I could wear costumes to the new Marvel movie.

Yeah, I may not have thought that one through.

Trust me, son, I'm doing you a favor

by not letting you do that.

So, we're stuck sitting?

Look, man, sitting is something you excel at.

This is so not fair.

Not only is it fair, it's by design.

Your mother and I waited eight years

after you were born before having more children

so we could take advantage of moments like this.

- That's what I call planned parenthood. - Up top.

Yep.

So, I was glad I dragged my wife out from under the bus.

She was doing great.

Caravaggio's use of Chiaroscuro is beautiful.

Unlike a Master Barista's use of cappuccino,

which is delicious.

Coffee makes me poop.

- Oh. - Mm.

- Okay. - Okeydoke.

All righty. Okay.

My God. What have I done?

- She's not wrong, though. - I know.

Don't say anything 'cause she's my best friend,

but she totally talks behind people's backs.

I want some chunky monkey. I need it.