Paging Mr. Darcy

Pride and Prejudice, huh?

Have you read it before?

Many times.

Ah, you're a romantic.

That's interesting.

You see I'm reading Austen and you assume I'm a romantic?

Why?

Jane Austen writes romance novels.

Can I ask if you've ever read any of her books?

Pretty sure I saw a movie.

Right.

Heaving bosoms and declarations of passion?

And men in wet shirts.

All very pleasant,

but it doesn't make Austen a romance author.

A comic genius, a social realist,

a prose assassin taking down the powerful and fatuous

with a well-aimed dagger of a sentence...

Anything but a romance author.

You're a teacher, aren't you?

- Professor. - Austen's my speciality.

You can specialize in Jane Austen?

You can have a whole conference on it!

That's why I'm on this plane.

Jane Austen League of America Annual Conference and Ball?

I'm the keynote speaker.

Wow! You must go every year.

Once, when I was 15.

But let's not relive that.

The JALA people can be a little... romantic.

They have balls, and dancing, and

some of them even dress up.

Not really my thing.

Then why accept the gig?

Victoria Jennings.

She's on the Princeton hiring committee,

and I'm up for the job.

Plus, my little sister lives in town.

So, should I come hear the big speech?

Definitely!

But you should do some prep work first.

Hmm...

Oh, um...

I wanted to give you this before I go,

if you don't mind.

A reading list?

Enjoy!

Oh, and I need this back.

Excuse me.

Hello?

Hey, big sister! Where are you?

- Just deplaned. - Did Rob propose yet?

No! But it's soon!

He visited his mom last weekend.

Perfect time to get the ring.

I can't wait to see what he has planned!

He is a planner.

And sweet and handsome, and absolutely the best guy

you've ever dated!

I agree!

And now to spend my time finding you a husband.

Don't do that.

You leave me no choice.

You're guy-blind.

You ignore everyone who isn't fictional.

- That's not true. - Hi!

I just never meet anyone who's interested in me.

What about this weekend?

It's a whole group of people who love literature.

You could meet your own personal Mr. Darcy.

Ugh!

Spot him across a crowded ballroom...

He's in a top hat...

You're in your Elizabeth Bennett costume from 10th grade.

Professor Jennings is one of.

America's foremost scholars. I'm not here to flirt.

I'm here to give an amazing keynote

and show her that I take Austen seriously.

Ugh.

Even if I wanted to, which I do not,

it's very unlikely I would meet any man at a conference

that is 75% women, let alone personal Mr. Dar...

Eloise?

- I gotta go. - Someone's here for me.

Eloise Cavendish?

Yes?

I'm your guest-of-honour liaison.

Oh, that isn't necessary.

I'm here to take you over to the, uh, venue,

and to make sure that you have everything that you need.

And the outfit and

the accent?

Oh, I'm the official Mr. Darcy of the conference.

The accent is real.

Mr. Darcy!

Miss Cavendish, your carriage awaits!

Oh, please don't bow again.

Look, I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but

a lot of people are staring.

I really don't need any of this.

You don't need a ride?

I have rideshare. Thanks!

Uh, wait, Miss Cavendish!

- It's not Miss. - Uh, Madame?

Technically, it's Doctor.

Look, I'm sorry, I just... I don't need anything!

Goodbye.

Dr. Cavendish?

Uh

please just call me Eloise.

No, I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself properly.

I'm Sam Lee.

You having a little trouble with rideshare?

Yeah.

The conference location is a little remote,

which is why JALA, in its infinite wisdom,

opted to provide you with a guest-of-honour liaison.

It was, uh, my own smart idea to come dressed like this.

Honestly, you look great.

It's just that I don't like...

- Fun? - Dress-up.

It's fine for people who enjoy it,

but I don't like being a spectacle.

Well, then we should probably get out of here, then.

Please.

So, tonight you have the Speaker's Reception.

There's a dance lesson,

and a chocolate tasting.

What's so funny?

Mr. Darcy in a compact?

Well, they're very reliable cars.

This is the Duchess Square Resort and Gardens.

It's where we will be spending the weekend.

Horrible?

I think I can tolerate it.

- Ah, good. - Well, let me walk you in.

- Oh, that won't be necessary. - I'd rather go in on my own.

Okay. Well, as you wish.

Uh, but you need anything, then I'm...

I'll let you know!

Thank you very much. Enjoy the conference.

Hello. Uh, Cavendish, please.

Dr. Cavendish, our keynote speaker!

Here is your goodie bag.

Oh!

Did you meet up with your liaison?

Mr. Lee?

Isn't he something?

Mmm!

Oh, I'm getting a call.

Mia?

- I can't! - Mia!

I can't... Take it!

Rob, what's going on?

Hi, Eloise.

- Are you okay? - Why is Mia crying?

Oh, you should probably ask her,

'cause I don't understand her and I never will.

Rob...

She forgot this.

Have a nice weekend.

Rob!

- Mia? - Is he gone?

Oh...

He asked me to give you these.

Do you want to talk in my hotel room?

People are staring.

What do they care?

Well, a pretty woman in tears is always a subject of interest.

I take it you are not engaged...?

We broke up.

- Mia, why? - What did you do?

- What did I do?! - Why do you always think it's me?

Sorry! You thought he was gonna propose!

Well, I can't talk about it right now.

I just can't go home.

Do you wanna... stay with me?

- You've got your speech. - You have to network.

Mia, whatever this is,

I'm not letting you face it on your own.

Thank you!

I promise I won't be any trouble.

I'll just lie in bed watching cable,

sobbing into Room Service,

mourning the destruction of my life.

You won't even see me!

Do you want some water?

Uh-uh.

A hot bath?

No.

Ice cream?

Mm-hm...

Professor!

Professor Cavendish?

Professor Cavendish!

Jenny! What are you doing here?

Remember how in your class I wrote a play

instead of a final paper?

- Vividly! - Guess what?

The Complete Works of Jane Austen, Abridged,