Family Guy

What's wrong with the TV. Nothing, Chris.

All the shows are in widescreen now.

So you can see all the stuff on the sides

that you couldn't before.

We now return to The Brady Bunch.

See, look.

Here's what you used to see.

Good night, Mike.

Good night, Carol.

And here's the stuff you missed.

Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker.

Diane can't be with us today.

Where is Diane, Ollie?

She dead! Thanks, Ollie.

Yes, Diane is no longer with us.

She was shot by an unknown assailant,

after she herself committed a series of gruesome murders.

I'd like to welcome our new co-anchor, Joyce Kinney.

Welcome, Joyce. Thanks, Tom.

Wow, you sound crazy nervous.

In local news, there was a hit and run

by a drunk driver today at Quahog Park.

Two children are missing.

I was just there.

Oh, boy.

Don't let Brian see this.

It says here that Rush Limbaugh

will be signing books at the Quahog Mall.

I have very good hearing!

He's awful.

But I thought Rush Limbaugh is

a fictional character played by Fred Savage.

Where'd you hear that?

Fox News.

Then it's a lie.

Everything Fox News says is a lie.

But this one's true, Mom.

You saw it with your own eyes

and then you reported it on Fox News.

Even true things, once said on Fox News, become lies.

Why's Limbaugh coming here?

Don't they have bookstores at the Nazi fascist...

Fascist fat camp where he, where he go..

Where he, where he is a counselor?

I tell you what, Brian,

if you want, we'll give you another crack at that.

This guy single handedly set political discourse back

a hundred years.

You know what? I'm gonna go down there

and give that bastard Limbaugh a piece of my mind.

But first I'm gonna sit here and stare at this brown paper bag

I'm pretty sure has food in it.

No!

Ah, oh, well.

Look at him.

His side screwed up our country for a generation.

I hate everything about that man.

I'm gonna go tear him a new one.

I'm gonna go find some hardcover photography books

of tasteful nudes.

Oh, my God, yes, that is tasteful.

Hey, My Friend, who should I make this out to?

Listen, Limbaugh, my name is Brian Griffin,

and I have got something to say to you.

Our republic has been bastardized

and royally screwed up thanks to you jackasses.

You suck!

And you're terrible.

And... And-and you've div..

You've been divorced several times.

Yes, uh, valid points you're raising, My Friend,

and I respect you for raising them.

But may I ask you a question?

Okay.

Have you ever read

anything I've written?

Well, no, I haven't.

But I've read things other people have written

about the things you've written, and I do not approve

of the things I've read from others

about the things they've read from you.

Not one bit, Sir.

For crying out loud, Brian, read my book.

Judge for yourself.

I'd sooner spend a night watching European porn.

Provo! Provo! Ah shnork! Ah shnork!

Provo! Ah shnork!

Provo! Provo! Ah shnork! Ah shnork!

Kaloooooof! A'gerta!

Stupid right wing dick.

Yeah, you.. Hey, y-you want to sign my book?

Yeah, you can sign my ass book.

Is what would've been awesome to say.

Oh, no. It's a multiracial TV gang, including white guys.

Well, well, what do we got here?

Let's beat him up, but not because of his color,

'cause that doesn't matter to us.

Wow.

Thanks, Rush.

Ah, it was nothing. I mean, you'd have

done the same thing for me.

Uh, yeah, of course.

Hey, you-you dropped something.

You think you might give it a read now?

Uh, well...

What-What if I stick a piece of bologna in the book,

and I don't tell you which page?

Would you read it, then, Brian?

Would you read it to find the page with the bologna?

Okay, look, I'll read four pages of your book tonight.

All right? Four pages.

That's it.

And maybe more if tonight's episode

of The Office ends up sucking.

Four pages. Done.

Moving on.

I know my staplers by sound and by weight.

And that stapler, good Sir, is a "Schrute."

Ha! Look at John Krasinski look at the camera.

He can't believe this guy!

Aw, but there were gonna be more high jinks in Scranton.

Scranton.

Dunder Mifflin.

Funny words are funny.

Oh, my God.

Rush Limbaugh was right all along.

Conservative Republicanism is the answer.

Good. Good for Brian.

Brian, look at this.

Now, this is a tasteful nude.

It's called "A Saucy Outing In Tottenham Court Square."

Brian, are you reading the new Rush Limbaugh book?

Yeah, I picked it up at the mall yesterday.

I-I can't believe I'm saying this,

but this might be the best book I've ever read.

Brian, you got to be joking.

No, I mean it, Lois.

You know, I've never actually read any of Limbaugh's stuff,

but this book makes an excellent case for

personal accountability, fiscal responsibility

and steak eatership.

But you're a hard core liberal.

Rush Limbaugh is a right wing extremist.

He stands for everything you despise.

My loyalty is to reason, Lois.

And as a reasonable person, I reserve the right

to change my mind when presented with

new information that alters my perspective.

And I got to tell you, I had this guy all wrong.

I mean, some of the stuff in here is.. Hey, bologna!

Thank you, Friends.

It's always a pleasure to meet regular, real Americans.

Love the Hummer, Rush.

How do you like it?

It is the best.

I'm not saying you'd have to be gay to drive something else.

But if you drive something else,

you're probably a guy who likes to pleasure other men sexually.

Hey, it's my new friend, Brian!

Hi, Rush.

Listen, I-I have to tell you,

I read your book and it was very persuasive.

I knew you'd like it,

and I'm glad you enjoyed it, Brian, I really am.

Oh, I-I more than enjoyed it.

Ev-Every page just spoke to

And-And, you know, talking to you now, I just,

I-I want to find the right words

to describe how much I agree with you.

I got the words, Brian.

"Thank you, Rush, for doing my thinking for me,

"'Cause I lack the ability to think

critically and independently." Yes, that!

You should be proud of yourself, Brian.

I mean, you sound like a thoughtful American.

Well, listen, I'd really love to pick your brain some more

and hear some of your other thoughts

about what's going on in this country.

I can do even better than that, Brian.

Wow.

Never thought I'd set foot

inside Republican National Headquarters.

This is amazing.

And it gets better, Brian.

Come on, I'm gonna introduce you to some of my pals here.

Brian, meet George W. Bush.

Hey, Georgie!

Uncle Rush!

Hey! Whoo!

You are getting heavy.

I know. I'm 64 and three quarters.

You sure are, Slugger.

Hey, you got one for me?

What? What are you talking about?

Oh, come on, Uncle Rush.

I-I don't know what you're talking about, really.

Come on!

Oh. Wait a second.

Yay! Yippee!

Thanks, Uncle Rush!