I Love Dick

Oh, my God.

It's pretty late... it must be... Cut the shit.

Okay.

I'm here to give you what you want.

Is this a bad time?

No, it's just, uh...

I didn't expect,

you know, any...

Give me a second, so I can...

What are you doing?

Oh, there's... You know, nothing.

It's, um... on the nose, is a chick in a towel.

Kind of, the mystery is kind of, um...

kind of, uh, gone...

I'm afraid.

Just give me one second, if you don't mind.

I didn't expect... Take your time.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay.

Sorry. This bra is such a nightmare.

Just give me one second. It's cute, but it's...

Okay.

Just one second.

Hi.

Come here.

Okay.

What do you want me to do?

Up to you.

Do you want me to...

...take my clothes off?

Didn't you just put them on?

Um, yeah... but...

Yeah, I did.

I put them on so that we could take them off...

Hmm. ...if that's what we... how this...

I wouldn't say no to that.

Okay, so I...

Do you want me to take them off?

Should I take it off?

I'm not uncomfortable with the idea.

No, that's clear.

But I just... I thought maybe...

I think I was like... You know...

Like a firm yes or no.

But whatev... You know, we can...

I'm... not...

uncomfortable with the idea...

...Chris.

Room service!

She'll be gone in a second.

What should I do?

Whatever you want to do.

That's all right...

It's all right.

What? Uh... Oh.

Ice?

Should I get a second bucket?

Uh... Uh, thank you.

Thank you.

You want a drink? No.

I've had my fill today.

My God.

Can we please talk about what's going on right now?

I don't know what's happening. Can we...

Can we just...

Can we just take a second and talk about what's happening right now?

I thought I was here to obliterate the walls of your desire.

Well...

You wanna have some kind of a...

deep kind of...

late-night... heartfelt talk

like a couple of college kids?

What do you want to know? You wanna know about me?

You wanna know about, uh...

You want to know about my childhood?

You want to know who my first crush was?

Oh, my God...

I know what.

We could, um, go out to dinner.

We could go out to dinner and, uh,

we could talk about art.

Oh...

I could tell you what I know.

Oh, my God.

We could talk about the Andalusian myths of paradise.

Or, um...

we could discuss, uh...

rare tools from the American West.

You know what?

Mmm. What?

I don't think you wanna know a fuckin' thing about me.

Oh, my God.

Okay.

What is it? What? Oh, it's nothing.

What's... What's...

It's nothing. What's up?

This feels so weird.

Doesn't this feel weird?

Is it your husband?

I mean, it's, like, a part of it.

Yeah, it's okay.

I know. I get it.

You do? Yeah. I do.

Okay. I get it.

Okay.

All right. And so we...

We spoke.

Who spoke?

Who spoke?

Sylvere and I, we... we...

We spoke.

Wait.

Sorry.

Excuse me.

Where?

At your house.

About what?

About...

About this.

What did he say?

What exactly did he say?

He said,

"I want you to fuck my wife."

Uh...

He sent you here to fuck me?

He sent you here to fuck me.

So you guys... You had a...

There's a deal?

You guys had a deal about me?

Is that what went down? You traded...

He traded me like a fucking baseball card?

Like a fucking farm animal?

That's not how it went. Oh, it's not?

So how did it go down?

How did it go down?

What did he say, "I'll give you two of my best milk cows

for a chance to bone my wife"?

We had a couple of drinks...

Stay away from my husband.

Okay. Well, yeah.

Okay. This is getting exciting.

Oh, don't pull that condescending shit with me.

That whole John Wayne "you're pretty

when you're angry, missy" bullshit.

I thought that was your thing.

You have no idea what the fuck my thing is.

Yeah? Yeah?

Well, the feeling is mutual.

Get out.