Darby and Joan

Bleh. It's raining here in London.

Of course. So dreary.

Unlike Spain. Lucky you.

Are you enjoying yourself, darling?

I'm at our favourite tapas bar.

Too many bloody tourists, though, in Barcelona.

You know what it's like this time of year.

Oh, come on, Ian. You love it.

Oh, I miss you, Joan. But I'll be home soon.

Just one more thing I gotta do.

- Can't wait to see you. - Bye, sweetheart.

Bye. Mwah.

Are you okay to identify him?

Yeah.

Yeah. That's Ian Kirkhope.

My husband.

He was supposed to be in Spain.

I love Spain.

Tapas, sangria.

I should have gone with him.

- It's madness. - It's not madness.

It's simply what I need to do.

What, drive across an empty country

looking for heaven knows what?

I can't sit around here

wondering whatever happened to him.

So what do you intend to do?

We have some information about where he might have been going.

Perhaps I can piece together his whereabouts,

and maybe even find somebody he met.

Face it, mum, we are never going to know

why dad lied about being in Australia.

Oh, yes, we will, if I have anything to do with it.

In five kilometres, turn right.

I was enjoying that.

As for your kilo-what's-it's, nobody understands you.

In 100 metres, turn right.

It's easy for you to say. You're on a satellite.

Turn right.

Turn right.

Turn right.

Alright, then.

In 56 kilometres, you will reach your destination.

Alright now. Sod off, you.

Hey! Are you gonna let me through?

What the hell?

Hey! Watch out!

Oh.

Oh, no.

Hello?

Hello? Can you hear me?

Hello? Is anyone home?

Are you trying to finish me off?

I see your manners are as bad as your driving.

- Are you in any pain? - Not until you came along.

- Take Diesel. - That's it. Gently now.

Careful. Don't let his paws get on the glass.

- Alright. Don't get up. - Ah!

- Stop the fussing. Oh! - Oh. Fair enough.

Diesel. Here, boy. Diesel! Come here, boy.

Come here. Come here, let's have a look. You alright, hey?

- Is he alright? - Yeah, yeah.

- Good boy. - He's alright.

More than I can say for my car. Look what you've done to it.

Me? You were driving too fast.

- Well, if you knew how to drive. - You nearly ran me off the road.

Well, it's that tank you're driving. That's your problem.

You were driving too fast.

Well, I was in a hurry! I've got stuff to do.

Well, I take that as an admission of guilt.

Jack. Jack Darby.

Joan Kirkhope.

- Diesel. - Yeah. We've met. He's lovely.

Okay, I'm gonna need a tow.

And there's a service station back there aways.

That's three hours away. I'm going that way.

I've got to meet friends. Um, Rawson Ridge.

- I expect you know it? - Never heard of it.

But I have got important things that I have...

Well, there's no point getting in a snit.

I'm not in a snit. What is a snit?

It means being a right shit.

Oh.

Look, I can give you a lift to Rawson Ridge,

and I'm sure you'll find someone there you can bully

into taking you to the petrol station.

- That's not gonna work for me. - No?

Probably not.

Where are you going?

I've got important stuff here I need to take.

Oh...

I thought you said it was something important.

- It is. It's my fishing gear. - Oh.

Who's that?

Out here on your own, are you?

Not anymore.

Glad someone's smiling.

I've got some cold water in the fridge if you like.

No, I'm good, thank you.

Something to eat? There's, uh, nothing fancy.

Just some cheese and...

Not hungry. Thank you.

So how far is this Rawson Ridge?

I don't know, she can tell you,

but she always talks in those kilo thingies,

and I don't know how far that is.

Oh, no, don't mess with it.

Honestly, it took me ages to program that.

In 19 miles, you will reach your destination.

Very la-di-da.

- I can change it back. - Oh, no, no, it's fine.

I might need to take the stick out of her ass.

Alright.

"Leave your ego at the gate."

Well, that rules you out.

Uh...

These friends of yours, they don't know

you're coming, do they?

What are you looking for out here?

I don't need your help.

Fair enough.

I just need to talk to them,

and then I'll drop you wherever you want to go.

Understood?

Understood.

Flash car.

How do you turn on the air-conditioning?

Well, nice setup. But where is everyone?

Let's find out.

Oh, wow!

I don't what you're getting so worked up about.

Ascher, you can't just change your mind.

You can go to hell, Ascher.

Ugh, don't be such a shit.

- You said you'd sign. - I might sell, I might not.

This is so typical of you, Ascher.

It's always you first, everyone else second.

- Uh, we have company. - Hi.

- Hi there. Can we help you? - Hi.

- Hello. - Um...

A friend of mine was here many years ago.

Uh, for Fire Day.

He told me it was really marvellous

and, uh, he begged me to see if it's still a thing.

Is it still a thing?

It's tomorrow, actually.

We do it every year, like clockwork.

- But maybe not after today. - Why is that?

You'd be welcome to join us. Our last hurrah.

You dropped your watch, mate.

Nice. Vintage?

You got a good eye.

Ascher, given the significance, perhaps this calls

for a discussion among the group.

I'd love to stay, if it's at all possible.

My friend did think it was absolutely marvellous.

What did you say your friend's name was again?

I don't think she did, did you?

Ian. A geologist.

Do you remember him?

- Ah, no. - No?

Well, you'd be welcome to stay at any rate.

That's unless there are any objections.

Chris? Summer?

I'd love to. Thank you.

Welcome to our home away from home.

- You are so lucky. - Yeah, we really are.

And that pyre is very impressive.

Can't have Fire Day without a pyre.

And this is my amazing daughter, Laurel.

- Hi. - I'm Heidi, by the way.

- Hello. - Our amazing daughter.

Yeah, okay, boomer.

- I'm Cinta. I'm Heidi's wife. - Very pleased to meet you.

And this is Summer.

Yeah, back in the day we used to get hundreds up here.

Beautiful souls from all over the world.

It was the time of our lives.

For the men, women had to run around having heaps of sex,

otherwise they hadn't thrown off the chains of the establishment.

And now, alas, it's just us, the founding fathers.

- Hey! - Founding identities, perhaps?

Let's just say we were the gang of four.

Love is all you need, right?

A Beatles man. Excellent.

I haven't introduced myself. I'm Ascher Leonard.

- Hi. - Self-proclaimed big deal.

- Alright, Cinta. - Welcome aboard.

- Ooh! - Ooh.

Hey, mate.

Oh.

Jack Darby.

My wife, Joan.

Married? I nearly died.

Yeah, well, you know, how he was rubbing himself

all up against you. Yeah.

I don't need rescuing. Alright?

Yeah, well, I don't like that sort of thing.

Alright!

So this Ian the geologist, what's his story?