The Office

I know a lot of us have been feeling

under the weather lately,

it's that time of year

and according to a study

done by the University of Arizona,

they discovered that your keyboards

have hundreds of time more bacteria

per square inch

Than a toilet seat. That's true. That's true.

I dated her mama. And you know what?

Stop.

One of the simplest ways to cut down

On the spread of germs is to use something

Called the vampire cough.

Did you say vampire?

Oh, no, it's just that, if a vampire had to cough,

He would do it like this.

Uh-huh, right,

And ruin their cloaks?

Do you have any idea how expensive wool is

In Transylvania? 'cause of the euro.

Well, other things you can do

To help cut down on the spread of disease

Are to wash your hands regularly,

Don't come in if you're sick,

And get your flu shot.

Also, I'm going to set up hand-sanitizing stations

Around the office.

No. No, no.

They will cost you your life. Elaborate.

The worst thing you can do for your immune system

Is to coddle it.

They need to fight their own battles.

If Sabre really cared

About our well-being,

They would set up hand-desanitizing stations.

A simple bowl at every juncture filled with dirt, vomit,

Fecal matter.

- I'm not going to do that. - Exposing yourself to germs

Is the best way to make yourself stronger.

So by that rationale, if I had to sneeze,

I should just sneeze on you.

Yes. I would welcome it.

You're welcome.

The principle is sound.

To avoid illness, expose yourself to germs,

Enabling your immune system to develop antibodies.

I don't know why everyone doesn't do this.

Maybe they have something against living forever.

Jim.

Pam.

And the precious bundle of God's best everything.

I wish you both a pleasant day.

And you too. Yes. Praise God.

Okay.

Cece's getting christened today.

- Big day. - Everyone from work is here.

We weren't planning on that.

Nope.

Top o' the Sunday morning to you.

And a top o' the day to you too, sir.

I hope you brought your pipes.

We're about to smoke the opium of the masses.

- Oh, yes, doobie-doobie-doo.

I invited everyone in the office

Because it's not a day for just Jim

Or Pam or the baby or me.

It is about us all.

And I thought we should all celebrate

My joy and our... all of our joys.

Ah, man.

Does the nard dog want nard pups?

Yeah. I want a big old litter of nard pups,

All jumping around and sucking on the teat.

Put 'em in a box, give 'em to my neighbors.

Yeah, I want kids.

For all your paper and printer needs.

For all your paper and printer needs.

For all your paper and printer need

Sunday church service.

It's been a few years.

The big guy and I, we've got some catching up to do.

hey. Hey.

I got an offer that you can't refuse.

Scooch over.

Oh, Michael, this is just for family.

But I'm the godfather.

It is really funny, but you know

That can be confusing at a christening,

Because you are not the godfather.

are you talking to me?

- Okay, your turn. - Scooch,

Before I shoot you in the head.

Okay, Michael, um,

You know I love when you do that voice,

But today, I'm so sorry,

Need you to tell me that you know

You're not Cece's godfather.

Yeah.

I'm sorry, Michael. I need you to say it.

I'm so sorry.

I'm not the godfather.

Okay. Thank you.

So who is the godfather?

Our friend Seth and his wife there.

Okay.

Old friend, like, you've known him since kindergarten?

No, I met his wife in mommy and me.

They're a great couple. You should meet them later.

No, I have plenty of friends, so...

All right, well, you have great seats.

Enjoy the show. Okay.

Thank you for coming, Michael.

I don't even know how to say this.

But Cece is turning out

To be a little b-I-t-c-h.

And that's not true,

But her parents are Ki.

Good morning. All: Good morning.

- Good morning. - What a terrific day this is.

And not just because the eagles are playing.

You may ha see the bus out front.

Today we also say good-bye to our young adult ministry.

They're leaving for three months

To build a school for the village of Quimixto

In Cabo Corrientes, Mexico.

I've heard of that place.

If you go to Cabo San Lucas,

All the prostitutes are from Cabo Corrientes.

Okay, this is... all right, this is silly.

Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

And thank you for your prayers

For Justin.

We hope for a speedy recovery.

Thank you.

Anyone else with a prayer

Or a remembrance?

Good morning. Dwight Schrute.

Thank you all for your prayers

And your remembrances.

Like Justin and his disfigurement,

I too have had a horrible year.

They say that the middle class is disappearing,

And, with it, the soul of America.

, as a gift to this beautiful congregation,

I would like to offer

A 4% discount on all Dunder Mifflin Sabre products

If you buy a printer at full price

Christening calls to repentance,

To faithfulness, and to discipleship.

We've come to celebrate these babies.

Somebody needs a change.

Right now?

Well, she can't bring this up with her.

Okay.

All right, come on.

Where are we going? Where are we going

We're gonna take a little field trip.

okay. Okay.

There's my girl.

All right. Hold on one second.

There we go.

What's that face for?

Oh, my... oh, my God.

Cece, no. No, no, no... not on the dress.

Cece, stop.

- What? - What?

- Honey, no. - Yes.

No, no.

This is happening.

We have an extra outfit in the bag.

No. There's no extra outfit in the bag.

- You said you checked it. - I did...Say that.

At this time, will the families please come join me?

Jim and Pam and Cece really seem

To be clicking.

They are totally gelling.

It's as if they leave my office and they go to another office

That sells happiness.

And good for them.

That's great, because, you know,

The paper industry's not gonna last forever.

Before we go,

I'd like to remind everyone

That the "halberts" have been kind enough

To host a reception next door

Immediately following the service.

Mm. No. Wrong both counts.

Okay, 'a, ' "halbert"?

And, 'b, ' I think a more appropriate statement would be,

"the halberts are hosting an intimate reception

For their invited guests."

For all their generosity of spirit,

They password-protect their wireless?

Try Jesus.

Opus Dei.

Hi. Good morning.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

- Good morning. - Hello.

Shh, shh, shh.