Cat's Eye

Help me. Help me.

Up here. Look up here.

Help me.

You've got to find it.

It's after me.

You've got to get back and find it.

You've got to stop it.

Please help me. You've got to help me.

Please.

Nice little pussycat, yeah.

You just saved me a trip to the pound, yeah!

What are you so excited about, huh?

What am I, a cat psychologist?

Get in there.

Well, this is the place.

You know, I don't know about this, Jim.

But you said you wanted to quit these.

Yeah. I know, I know, I know. But I'd just like to know what they--

Go on, Dickie, before you lose your guts.

Well, why don't you come up with me at least?

It doesn't work that way. It's against the rules.

What is this, a "quit smoking" clinic or the CIA?

It's gonna turn your life around, Dick. I guarantee it.

That's what Jim Jones said when he spiked the punch.

I guess this is where you come to quit smoking, right?

- Fill one of these out, please. - No, I have a pen.

Honey!

Oh!

Are you all right?

Sweetheart, uh...

Darling.

No, no, no...

Oh. Muah.

My precious, my precious.

- It's all right. You'll be fine. - Take me home, please.

Home? I'll take you home. Come on.

Hang on to me.

I've been a smoker for a long time. Since I was 16.

It is very hard.

Uh, come on, now, sweetheart.

Here. Come on. Okay.

The elevator is down here. One step at a time.

- Hi. Excuse me-- - I'll take that for you.

Well, you know, actually, I think I've changed my mind.

- Mr. Morrison? - Yeah? Yes?

- Sorry to keep you waiting. - No, really, it's all right.

I was just--

Come with me.

We're about to change your life.

For the better, I hope.

Uh, the founding father?

Please, Mr. Morrison.

I see you have a daughter who's 10.

Uh, Alicia.

You left the space for her school blank.

Where my daughter goes to school really has no connection with

whether or not your organization can help me to quit smoking, Mr. Donatti.

So...

Well, are we gonna get down to it, or not?

Yes, of course.

In fact, we've already started getting down to it.

Do you have cigarettes with you?

Does a bear shit in the woods?

May I have them, please?

Well...

Our methods here at Quitters Incorporated are rather radical, Mr. Morrison.

Well, as a treatment, Mr. Donatti, they suck.

There's a newsstand down in the lobby, they sell all brands.

You know what I mean?

Availability is only part of the problem.

The fallback rate for reformed smokers

is higher than the fallback rate for heroin addicts.

You know, you can spare me the Reader's Digest lecture, my friend,

because I've changed my mind.

Will you open this door?

You've got a hell of a problem, Mr. Morrison.

But we here at Quitters Incorporated have developed a hell of a solution.

Look, you're gonna develop a hell of a problem with my lawyers

if you don't open this goddamn door!

Relax, Mr. Morrison.

Here's something that might interest you.

Watch closely, Mr. Morrison. Nothing up either sleeve,

and you will notice at no time does my hand leave my wrist.

The music is part of his conditioning.

Boogie down, baby.

What are you doing? Stop it! You're killing him!

Kill the nice kitty?

No, he's fine.

Maybe a little crispy around the paws, but otherwise he's fine.

Ow.

Damn it! You barbecue all the cats you want.

If you don't have me out of here inside of 15 seconds,

I'm gonna call the cops on you faster than you can say "Marlboro Man."

You better listen to the big picture, Mr. Morrison.

Quitters Incorporated was endowed by a very important person.

After he died of lung cancer,

we realized that there were certain techniques

that he had developed in the family business

that we can now use to stop people from smoking.

Actually, this is a very nice tax gimmick,

but mainly we're interested in helping our fellow man.

For the first month, our operatives will have you under constant supervision.

You may see some of them all of the time.

You may see all of them some of the time, but believe me, Mr. Morrison,

you'll never see all of them all of the time.

You smoke, they'll see you.

You'll bring me down here and stick me in the old cat room, I suppose?

No.

We'll bring your wife down here and stick her in the cat room.

You get to watch.

I'm a man of medicine. I'm expected to save lives

and ease suffering, and I love people.

Therefore, I would have no choice but to kill the son of a bitch!

"Kill the son of a bitch." Good idea.

- What did you say? - Very-- What?

Huh?

Nothing. I was...

I can't believe this is happening.

Oh, it's happening, Mr. Morrison. First offense, your wife gets the juice.

Not too much, just enough to hurt.

Second time, we bring your daughter Alicia here.

Imagine, Mr. Morrison, your daughter in there instead of the cat.

The third offense, I'm afraid I'll have to send someone out to rape your wife.

There's a rather disturbed individual we keep around here

just for such distasteful jobs.

In the meantime,

content yourself knowing that only 2% of our clients

ever fall from grace a fourth time.

And if they do?

Then we give up, Mr. Morrison.

Oh, my God!

- What's wrong? - Well, I spilled my drink.

Well, I'm sorry, Dick,

but as long as you keep using your left tit for a coaster,

that's gonna happen.

Now I have no idea what's going on in this damn movie anyway.

I don't know who writes this crap!

- Dick? - What?

- What's wrong? - Nothing.

You're like a bear tonight, what is it?

Nothing! Well, it's everything. I mean, I quit smoking today.

Since when? Five minutes ago?

Since 3:00. Quarter to 3:00 this afternoon.

You haven't had a cigarette in six hours?

Uh, six hours and 23 minutes.

Cindy, I'm trying to get some ice cream here. Okay?

What in the world made you decide to quit?

I'm doing it for you and for Alicia.

That's the sweetest thing I ever heard.

Even if you don't make it, we both thank you.

I think I'll make it.

Shit!

Jesus! God!

Hello?

Is somebody in there?

I didn't smoke it, see?

Uh...

If you're in there, would you tell Donatti that I didn't smoke it?

See?

I actually was just coming to

get my golf clubs.

Want some coffee?

Jesus!

I assume that's a "yes."

Talk about aversion therapy.

Jesus!

That's it. That's it.

There!

Daddy!

Hi, baby.

Whoa!

Okay, eyes closed? And there we go. Okay.

Now we're skipping with eyes closed.

We're gonna skip over to here.

Are those eyes closed? Are they closed?

I think they're open. Are they closed? Are they real tight?

Yeah.

Because we don't want to spoil any surprises.

Okay. I think now it's time to open them.

Ah!

Thank you, Daddy. Thank you. Thank you.

Okay. I'm glad you like it, honey. You know what?

I love you, Alicia.

- What's its name? - Its name...

I think it's right here on the tag. Hold on here. Its name is...

"Norma Jean."

- Norma... - Norma...

- Jean. - Jean.

Huh?

I love Norma Jean.

I'm glad, baby.

Come on. You got Norma Jean, you got her shoe,

and you got her little adoption papers.

So you go back with the kids and be a good girl, okay?

Sister...

Okay. Bye, honey. Bye.

You love her a lot, don't you?

One of your men was in my closet last night. In my home!

- Really? - Yes, really.

It's possible, I suppose.