Cougar Town

I loved our L.A. trip, too, dad.

Oh, yeah. Lotta fake boobs. (Chuckles)

That's why they call it "ta-ta land."

"La-la land"? Well, that doesn't even make sense.

All right. Okay, I love you, too. Bye.

Oh, guys. (Beep)

Dad had such a good time.

Guys?

This is...

A little...

Can't quite...

E-train, help us out here.

What are we feeling right now?

It's a complex range of emotions

that cannot be expressed by mere words.

I invented a sound to capture it.

Aw...

Blech!

- Mm-hmm. - Yeah. That's perfect.

Oh, grow up.

A young couple in a new relationship

is a beautiful thing.

Then why are you hiding behind a wall of DVDs?

I'm not hiding. I bought these to watch.

Since when do you like movies?

Since L.A.

You know, ever since we got back from Hollywood,

I think I've turned into a real movie slut.

I think you mean "movie buff."

No, no, she's right. The expression is "movie slut."

Change approved.

So, Jules, what are some of your favorite films?

Obviously the classics, like, um...

Hitchcock? Oh!

That's a dirty name.

Um, that's what the scholars have noted about it.

Uh, also of interest... this.

Mm. Okay. Ooh, I think I should do some, um, push-ups.

Aw.

- (Gags) Holy... - Blech!

I don't know what to make of Trav and Laurie dating.

- I mean, it's really weird seeing them together. - Mm-hmm.

But then again, after such a long buildup,

- I guess we gotta let 'em play it out for a while. - Yeah.

Hey, Bobby. Got some more mail at my house again.

- Ooh. - When are you gonna get your own mailbox?

Well, I put out a cooler that said "Bobby's mail" on it,

but as you probably guessed,

a bachelor raccoon took it over for his personal hump shack.

A check for $14,000?

What?

14 grand? Oh.

Oh, uh, you guys all start at Jules' house,

and then you branch out on different adventures,

and I'm tired of missing out, so... new kicks.

I don't believe this.

When you and Andy sold Penny Can to Roger,

there was a clause in your contract

that gave you points on all overseas revenue.

Wow! A clause!

That is interesting.

- Didn't understand a word? - Not one.

Right on by.

Well, it appears that Penny Can has gone global.

Well, that would explain all this weird stuff

that's been happening.

Guten tag!

Dosen pfennig!

Dosen pfennig!

Hey, Ellie, I tried warm milk,

reading stories,

begging.

Stan still won't nap.

Ellie?

Hey, Ellie, where... Ay!

Aah! I always knew this day would come!

Right? 'Cause it sucks to be scared.

That's why Stan won't sleep.

'Cause his bar-soap-for-brains father

let him watch "Nightmare on Elm Street," you dummy.

I thought he was mature enough to handle it.

- He's already got a respectable Latin mustache. - No, he doesn't.

Stan the man, rockin' the fuzz!

Good shot.

I've tried everything,

but Stan is still terrified of Freddy Krueger.

Aah!

I mean, Eddy-fray Ueger-kray.

- (Stan) Aah! - Wow. Smart kid.

What are we gonna do?

You broke it, you fix it.

- Here you go, ladies. - Thank you.

Thank you. But I'm still annoyed at you

for leaving the shower running again this morning.

He's trying to make a home steam room

because his gym membership got revoked.

Too much nude flexing in the locker room?

It's not my fault they can't handle "the truth."

He got caught taking selfies.

You'll be happy when you see our new coffee-table book.

Sounds like you've got a full plate

with your creepy vain husband

and all the work you're doing to pretend you're cool

with Trav and Laurie's recent operation

to have their lips sewn together.

Trav and Laurie... yes, it was tough for me at the beginning.

But, you know, the initial shock has worn off.

I'm cool with it.

Cool as ice.

You know, um, a high five is one of your tells

that you're not cool,

along with the inability to control

the volume of your voice.

Please. I'm not that bad.

Hi! Hey, guys.

- (Loudly) Hey, lovebirds! - Said the loudest woman on earth.

Let's turn it down. You're not a stereo.

Oh! My foster brother Technotron was part stereo.

He was born during an electrical storm

that gave him extraordinary beatbox abilities.

He claimed that by turning his nurps

you could adjust his treble and bass.

That's literally the most absurd thing that I've ever heard.

- Luckily, you are so cute. - Mmm!

Uh, scissors for hands?

Good luck with that, Edward.

Oh, movie slut.

- We're gonna grab a table. - Yeah.

Have fun!

Okay, fine. The shock hasn't worn off.

But... I'm all right.

So the plan is, you're gonna get through their relationship

as a high-fiving, loud-talking weirdo?

What could go wrong?

I assume nothing.

Whoa, Trav! Get some.

Ow. (Clatters)

Lou Diamond Phillips is the face of domestic Penny Can,

but I insisted you be on every can sold internationally.

But still,

I never expected this. (Taps key)

Yeah!

Ha! Hey!

Hey, everyone, next round's on me!

- (Cheering) Sweet! - Hey, I'll take a, um...

- (Squeak, thud) - (Man) Whoa!

Beer.

This feels weird, handing money over for beer.

Don't think I've ever done that before.

You know, it's funny you should bring that up.

Bobby, I wanna show you something.

You see, last week,

your bar tab spilled over into a second notebook

because your first notebook was completely full.

I finished a book?

So many slashes!

Each one of them representing

the thousands of drinks I've given you over the years.

And now you suddenly have all this money.

I sure do!

Okay. You know what?

Why don't you just take this with you?

Thumb through all those pages of slashes,

and see if anything sparks to you.

Oh, thanks, G-man. This is like a book of treasured memories.

I love it.

He's not gonna make the connection, is he?

- (Shower running) - (Scoffs) Again?

Damn it, truth!

Oh, boy.

- Jules! - Mom!

- Aah! - (Laurie) Oh, my God!

Oh!

Ee! Aah! Ow!

So much skin.

A pale and tan swirl.

Jules. (Shivers)

Honey, are you okay?

Mm.

Oh.

Let me see. Got herself a broken, um...

Hmm. Okay, I... I'll be honest.

I... I pretty much partied my ass off in med school, so...

- I doubt that. - No.

Why would you do that in my shower?

I'm so sorry. I didn't plan this.

Okay? We were just meeting up to go get dinner.

I got here early, decided to rinse off,

and Laurie came in and said, "where are you?"

I said, "in here," which was not meant as an invite to join me.

Although when she misread it and did just that,

I'll admit to not complaining.

You know what's so amazing?

That this is the first time one of us has walked in

on jellybean getting jelly rolled.

This isn't funny.

I'm gonna have to strongly disagree.

There was nothing for you to grab onto as you were falling?

Well, she reached out and grabbed onto my honks,

but they were just so sudsy