Friends

Hey.

Six dollars, please.

Six? I just had it for one night. It's 3.

Eight o'clock is the cutoff. And, oh, it's 8:02.

You know, in a weird way, you have too much power.

Look, you're gonna have to help me out here because I only have 3.

I can help with that.

Oh, my God. Richard?

- Hi. - Hi.

Wow. Your lip went bald.

Thanks.

So you look great.

Yeah, right. Ha, ha.

No, you do. You...

- You just... You... - What?

You got panties stuck to your leg.

Ahem, that's because I was just grabbing some things out of the dryer...

...and static cling. Ha, ha.

Or maybe it's just because God knew I'd be running into you...

...and saw an opportunity.

It's good to see you.

It's good to see you too.

- See that guy? He's in "Classics" now... - Who?

...but you know as soon as we leave, he's going straight to the porn.

He's gonna go up to the counter with Citizen Kane...

...Vertigo and Clockwork Orgy. - Ha, ha.

This is nice.

- Ha, ha. Yeah. - I miss this.

Me too.

So you wanna get a hamburger or something?

Aw, um, I don't know if that's a good idea.

No. Just friends. I won't grope you. I promise.

Yeah, I think it's too soon.

No, it's not too soon. I had lunch at 11.

Yeah, baby.

- What are you doing? - Making chocolate milk. You want some?

No, thanks. I'm 29.

Oh, my God. I gotta go to work.

What time do you think you're gonna get off tonight?

I don't know, honey. It could be really late.

Oh, come on. Not again.

Oh, I know. I'm sorry. Listen, I'll make a deal with you, okay?

- Mm. - Every night that you're asleep...

...before I get home from work... - Yeah.

...I will wake you up in a way that has proved very popular in the past.

Well, now, if you need to stay late, I want to be supportive of that.

Thank you.

- Hi. Hey, Pheebs.

- Hi. Hey.

Look at you. Since when do you Rollerblade?

Oh. Since tomorrow.

I met this really cute guy in the park.

And he, like, you know, jogs and blades and swims, and so we made a deal.

He's gonna teach me how to do all sorts ofjock stuff.

- And what are you gonna do for him? - I'm gonna let him.

- Okay. - Cool.

- Morning. Hey.

- Somebody got in late last night. Ahem.

Yeah, well, I ran into Richard.

- When did this happen? - Oh, um, around 8:02.

And we, uh, talked for a little while...

...and then, um, we went out for an innocent burger.

Oh, there's no such thing as an innocent burger.

Are you gonna see him again? - Tomorrow night.

Monica, what are you doing?

Well, she spent the last six months getting over him...

...and now she's celebrating that by going on a date with him.

It's not a date, okay?

I'm just gonna teach him how to make a lasagna for some potluck dinner he has.

Well, you might want to make a little extra because, you know...

...you'll probably be hungry after the sex. Mm.

We're not gonna have sex.

Okay? Nothing's changed here.

He still doesn't want children, and I still do.

So that's why we're gonna just be friends.

Naked friends.

- Hey. Do you have any ice? - Hey.

Check the freezer.

If there's none in there, we're probably out.

Are you just getting home from work? It's late.

Yeah, I know. I had the greatest day, though.

I got to sit in on a meeting with the reps from Calvin Klein.

I told my boss I liked this line of lingerie, she ordered a ton of it.

How was your day?

I discovered I'm able to count all my teeth using just my tongue.

Hmm.

Um...

Why do you have a copy of The Shining in your freezer?

Oh. I was reading it last night and I got scared, so...

But, uh, you're safe from it if it's in the freezer?

Well, safer.

I never start reading The Shining...

...without making sure we got plenty of room in the freezer.

- You know? - Ha, ha.

How often do you read it?

Haven't you ever read the same book over and over again?

Well, um, I guess I read Little Women more than once.

But that's a classic. What's so great about The Shining?

The question should be, Rach, "What is not so great about The Shining?"

Okay? And the answer would be, "Nothing." All right?

This is, like, the scariest book ever.

I bet it's way better than that classic of yours.

- Ha, ha. - Okay.

Uh, well, we'll just see about that, okay?

I will read The Shining, and you will read Little Women.

- All right, you got it. - All right?

- Okay. - Okay.

- Uh, now, Rach, these little women... - Yeah.

How little are they?

I mean, are they, like, scary little?

- Um, Chandler, Ross? This is Robert. Oh, hey.

- Hi. - You have lipstick right here.

- Oh. - Huh. That's okay, it's mine.

We just kissed.

So isn't it a bit cold out for shorts?

Well, I'm from California.

Right, right. Sometimes you guys just burst into flame.

I'm up. Ahem. I'm up. I've gotten up now.

Anybody, uh, want anything?

- I'll have coffee. - Yeah, me too.

Yeah, make that three. - Okay. Ross, why don't you come with me?

Okay. Ha, ha.

What is the matter with you? What's going on?

Robert's coming out.

What do you mean? What, is he gay?

No, he...

He's coming out of his shorts.

What?

The man is showing brain.

Are you sure? Hold on.

Ahem. I'm sorry, you guys. That was a coffee and a...

Coffee. We could write it down. - Okay.

No, no. That won't be, uh... Won't be necessary.

- Well? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What do we do? What do we do?

Well, I suppose we just try to not look directly at it.

Like an eclipse.

When people compliment me on my cooking tonight, what do I say?

Well, you say, "Thank you very much." And then you buy me something pretty.

Come on, we're gonna put our hands in this bowl...

...and we're gonna start squishing the tomatoes.

Ooh, this feels very weird.

Heh. You touch people's eyeballs every day and this feels weird?

Yeah, well, sure, I touch them.

But I spent years learning not to squish them.

That's my hand.

Oh.

- Okay. - Gotta keep squishing.

The tomatoes are squishing.

- Oh, yeah. Oh. - Oh.

Oh, gosh. You got some on your shirt.

- Yeah. - Hold on a second.

Okay, just put a little club soda on it. Get to it right away.

It should, um, do...

...the trick.

What?

Um, you've got some on your pants.

I'll just throw them out.

These little women.

Wow.

You're liking it, huh?

Oh, yeah. Amy just burned Jo's manuscript.

I don't see how he could ever forgive her.

Um, Jo's a girl. It's short for Josephine.

But Jo's got a crush on Laurie.

Oh.

You mean it's like a girl-girl thing?

Because that is the one thing missing from The Shining.

No, actually, Laurie's a boy.

No wonder Rachel had to read this so many times.

- Hey. - Hey.

Hey, how'd the, uh, basketball go?

Oh, okay. I learned how to shoot a lay-up, a foul shot, and a 23-pointer.

You mean a 3-pointer?

Oh, I get more because I'm dainty.

So, um, is there a phone here I can check my messages?

- Yeah, in the back. Do you want a quarter? - Oh, no. I always carry one in my sock.

What are you doing? Get back over on your side of the...

Hello.

- Hi. I'm Joey. We haven't met. Hi.

- Uh, good to meet you. Robert. - Okay.

What?

What? You guys, what is going on?

Do you not like Robert?