The Witches

Helga: WHEN YOUR FATHER WAS A BOY LIKE YOU

AND LIVING WITH ME HERE IN NORWAY,

I TOLD HIM ABOUT WITCHES, TOO,

SO THAT HE WOULD ALWAYS BE AWARE.

NOW, THE MOST IMPORTANT THING

YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT REAL WITCHES IS THIS--

NOW LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY--

REAL WITCHES DRESS IN ORDINARY CLOTHES

AND LOOK VERY MUCH LIKE ORDINARY WOMEN.

THEY LIVE IN ORDINARY HOUSES,

AND THEY WORK IN ORDINARY JOBS.

EVERY COUNTRY IN THE WORLD HAS WITCHES.

AND THERE IS A LEADER,

A HIGH WITCH

OF EACH COUNTRY.

AND THE RULER OF ALL THE WITCHES

IS THE MOST EVIL WOMAN IN CREATION--

THE GRAND HIGH WITCH...

HERSELF.

WITCHES SPEND THEIR TIME

PLOTTING TO KILL CHILDREN,

STALKING THE WRETCHED CHILD

LIKE A HUNTER STALKS A BIRD IN THE FOREST.

DID THEY HUNT YOU?

YOU SAID IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

A VERY UNPLEASANT ACCIDENT.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS YOUNGER,

I TRAVELED THE WORLD IN SEARCH FOR THE GRAND HIGH WITCH,

BUT I NEVER FOUND HER.

I DON'T REALLY BELIEVE

THAT ANYONE HAS EVER FOUND HER.

SO IF NO ONE'S SEEN THE GRAND HIGH WITCH,

HOW ARE YOU SURE SHE EXISTS?

NOBODY'S EVER SEEN THE DEVIL,

BUT WE KNOW HE EXISTS, DON'T WE?

YEAH.

Helga: FOR ALL YOU KNOW,

A WITCH MIGHT BE LIVING NEXT-DOOR TO YOU.

WHEN I WAS LITTLE,

I LIVED BESIDE A GIRL CALLED ERICA,

WHO WAS TAKEN BY A WITCH.

ERICA HAD VERY STRICT PARENTS.

BUT EVEN THAT DIDN'T SAVE POOR ERICA,

BECAUSE WHEN A WITCH CHOOSES A VICTIM,

THERE IS ONLY ONE HOPE OF ESCAPE--

KNOWING EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM

THAT I AM TELLING YOU.

I'M WARNING YOU.

ERICA. COME IN.

Helga: WHAT MAKES HER DANGEROUS

IS THE FACT THAT SHE DOESN'T LOOK DANGEROUS.

YOU CAN NEVER BE SURE

IF IT'S A WITCH YOU ARE LOOKING AT

OR A KIND LADY.

AH, ERICA.

HOW DO YOU LIKE MY NEW PAINTING?

IT'S MAGNIFIQUE, PAPA.

GO TO LARSEN'S

AND BUY...

A LITER OF MILK. HMM?

JA, PAPA.

COME STRAIGHT HOME.

Erica: JA, DA.

Helga: REAL WITCHES HATE CHILDREN.

REAL WITCHES ARE QUITE BALD,

ALTHOUGH, OF COURSE, THEY WEAR WIGS...

THAT ITCH...

AND CAUSE THEM SCALP RASH.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT SCALP RASH IS?

NO.

ITCHING UNDER THE WIG.

IT MUST DRIVE THEM CRAZY.

THEY LOOK QUITE HIDEOUS

BEHIND THEIR HUMAN FACE MASKS

AND CAN ONLY BE DISTINGUISHED FROM ORDINARY WOMEN

IF YOU ARE SHARP ENOUGH

TO SPOT THE PURPLE TINGE TO THEIR EYES.

REAL WITCHES HAVE NO TOES.

THEIR FEET HAVE SQUARE ENDS,

REVOLTING STUMPS WHERE THEIR TOES SHOULD BE,

SO THEY NEVER WEAR POINTED OR PRETTY SHOES--

JUST PLAIN, SENSIBLE SHOES.

REMEMBER THESE THINGS.

PERHAPS IF ERICA HAD KNOWN THEM...

Helga: OH, MY POOR ERICA.

FOR WEEKS THEY SEARCHED,

BUT WITCHES DON'T MURDER CHILDREN

WITH KNIVES OR GUNS.

THAT'S FOR PEOPLE WHO GET CAUGHT,

AND WITCHES NEVER GET CAUGHT.

THEY SEARCHED FOR MILES AROUND.

EVERYONE IN THE TOWN SEARCHED,

BUT SHE HAD COMPLETELY DISAPPEARED.

I WAS THERE IN ERICA'S HOUSE SIX WEEKS LATER.

GOOD DAY, FRAU LARSEN.

COME IN, HELGA. HAVE SOME CAKE.

Helga: I WAS HER BEST FRIEND WHEN IT ALL HAPPENED.

THEN THAT DAY,

WHILE ERICA'S MOTHER WAS POURING THE COFFEE,

HER FATHER CAME WALKING TOWARDS US.

IT WAS AS IF THOUGH HE HAD SEEN A GHOST.

HIS FACE WAS ALL TWISTED UP

AS HE WALKED TOWARDS THE PAINTING BEHIND ME.

THERE, AS IF IT ALWAYS HAD BEEN THERE,

WAS ERICA,

LOCKED IN THE PAINTING,

GAZING AT US.

Erica : PAPA.

PAPA.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

YOU SAW HER IN THE PAINTING, GRANDMA?

MANY TIMES.

BUT THE PECULIAR THING

WAS THAT LITTLE ERICA KEPT ON CHANGING HER POSITION

IN THE PICTURE.

SO ONE DAY SHE'D BE FEEDING THE DUCKS,

AND THE NEXT DAY SHE'D BE INSIDE THE FARMHOUSE,

LOOKING OUT OF A WINDOW.

DID YOU SEE HER MOVING IN THE PICTURE?

Helga: NOBODY DID.

SHE WAS ALWAYS JUST A FIGURE,

MOTIONLESS IN THE PAINTING.

AS THE YEARS WENT BY,

ERICA GREW OLDER, TOO.

AND ONLY FIVE OR SIX YEARS AGO,

THE OLD WOMAN THAT ERICA HAD BECOME,

BENT AND FRAIL IN THE PAINTING,

BEGAN TO DISAPPEAR...

UNTIL ONE MORNING,

SHE WAS GONE.

YOU MEAN SHE DIED?

WHO KNOWS?

MYSTERIOUS THINGS GO ON IN THE WORLD OF WITCHES.

HEY, 00.

GRANDMA'S BEEN TELLIN' ME ABOUT WITCHES, MOM.

AND FRIGHTENING YOU BEFORE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GO TO SLEEP.

GOOD NIGHT, DARLING.

EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT, MOTHER?

Helga: VERY ALL RIGHT.

GO OFF. ENJOY YOURSELVES.

GOOD-BYE, MOM.

HERE YOU GO.

GOOD NIGHT, SON.

GOOD NIGHT, DAD.

NO MORE STORIES, OK?

OH, NO.

COME ON, GRANDMA. JUST ONE MORE STORY?

ALL RIGHT, THEN. ONE MORE.

BUT VERY SHORT.

WITCHES...

ARE VERY CRUEL.

AND THEY HAVE A HIGHLY-DEVELOPED SENSE OF SMELL.

A REAL WITCH COULD SMELL YOU ACROSS THE STREET

ON A PITCH-BLACK NIGHT.

SHE COULDN'T SMELL ME. I JUST HAD A SHOWER.

OH, YES, SHE COULD.

THE CLEANER YOU ARE,

THE MORE A WITCH CAN SMELL YOU.

THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.

OH, YES, IT DOES.

A DIRTY CHILD, IT'S THE DIRT SHE SMELLS.

A CLEAN CHILD, IT IS THE CHILD.

WOW.

I'LL NEVER HAVE A SHOWER AGAIN,

AND I'LL HAVE YOU FOR AN EXCUSE.

WELL, JUST NOT TOO OFTEN.

ONLY ONCE A MONTH IS PROBABLY SAFE.

SO A WITCH COULD SMELL ME RIGHT NOW?

TO ME, YOU SMELL OF RASPBERRIES AND CREAM,

BUT TO A WITCH,

YOU WOULD SMELL ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING.

WHAT KIND OF DISGUSTING?

LIKE DOGS' DROPPINGS.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT.

YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT?

WHAT'S MORE, TO A WITCH,

YOU WOULD SMELL OF FRESH DOGS' DROPPINGS.

THAT'S NOT TRUE.

THERE'S NO POINT IN ARGUING.

IT'S A FACT OF LIFE.

SO IF YOU EVER SEE A WOMAN IN THE STREET

HOLDING HER NOSE AS SHE PASSES YOU,

SHE COULD EASILY BE A WITCH.

AND NOW IT IS DEFINITELY BEDTIME.

GOOD NIGHT, GRANDMA.

MMM...

MMM!

Luke: MOM?

DAD?

FRAU EVESHIM, COULD I COME IN FOR A MINUTE?

I'M AFRAID I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS.

JA, COME IN.

WAIT HERE.

COME ON.

COME HERE TO ME.

COME ON.

LET'S CUDDLE UP HERE.

SIT ON MY LAP, ALL RIGHT?

THERE.

SHALL WE BRING THEM TO ENGLAND?